*This song/poem is underneath my folder titled “The cake curse”. Gacha Club character designs are underneath my forum titled “My character designs <33”. Enjoy!*
Silence dressed as a doll
Malik dressed as a witch
The two friends went off to get some Treats, not a Trick!
They both stopped by Mr. Campbell’s house
He gave them big slices of chocolate cake!
It’s not something that’s given so late
They felt like they struck gold!
They ate up their cake slices, oh, they were so bold!
All was fine and good
Till Silence screamed, her throat felt like wood
Malik cried, he shivered at the sight
They became the monsters they dressed as in Halloween night!
The cake had cursed them, they felt it whisper in their minds
But what could they do?
It wasn’t like they could change who they were
Best to live as creatures
That lurked about on All Hallows’ Eve!
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hello again! I feel like I can probably dispense with the introduction to the review by this point haha.
I found the rhythm of this one much easier to get into than the last one I read/reviewed. The flow makes a lot of sense and again it feels like it has a kind of dark fairy-tale like quality to it. It starts of light and cheerful and then quickly descends into something darker but still whilst maintaining that faux light and fun tone. I like that as a contrast.
I really like this line!
If anything, I feel like this could be a bit longer. The transition from them being scared and then accepting themselves as monsters felt a bit quick. I wonder if it wouldn't take them a bit longer?
Thanks for sharing
Icy
I%u2019m so glad you enjoyed my spooky fun song! I love a good dark fairytale! :>
Hello friend
As always, I am stopping by to leave a review on another amazing piece of yours! Halloween is my favorite holiday, so this caught my attention right away. Let's jump into the review!
You did a great job, setting the scene right from the start. We are quickly introduced to both of our characters and their appearances. Then we set up the scene as well. We see that they are both friends and that they are going trick-or-treating… Hoping to get treats, and not tricked. To me, the seams to give some sort of foreshadowing that they are going to get tricked or something bad is going to happen in the end.
I think that first line was my favorite. I like how you use the line "struck gold". That is such great line to use! Both of the friends think that they had found this amazing treat… This beautiful cake. But in the end, it seems like something was very wrong with it that ended up making them turn into monsters! They turned into the people that they were dressed, as, which I suppose means a doll and a witch. What a big twist!
So, in the end, they turned into what they dressed us. I feel like this has a deeper symbolic meaning, in my opinion. I like how you use Halloween as an analogy. In my interpretation, maybe this means that if we spend so much time, pretending to be someone or dressing like someone that we aren't, eventually, it rots who we are on the outside and makes us turn into that evil thing. Overall, I love this! Great job, keeping it really simple and fast-paced, which is something that I really enjoy. I hope to read more in the future. Keep reading!
Your friend,
Ellie
So very glad that you enjoyed!