Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
*This story is underneath my folder titled “Grasscove, USA”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1245. Enjoy!*
I hold onto Lilliana’s hand tightly just as she’s holding mine. The floorboards creak underneath us as we run after Emery, who is still calling out for his little sister, Ophelia. His voice sounds so broken, so cracked with sobs. Like he’s already thinking about losing her.
I feel my heart twist as I hear him call out. I almost lost Kayden at the curiosity shop. I was twelve and he was three. There were all these taxidermy heads on the walls that were staring at me and the curiosity shop was very cramped, but I kept running, searching for him….
“It’s okay, Ophelia. I’m here. I’m gonna get ya out of here.”
I’m snapped out of my thoughts at the softness of Emery’s voice and the urgency in how he tears apart the wooden walls in front of him. He’s crouched on the floor, tears spilling out of his eyes. Me and Lilliana have stopped running. We’re downstairs now. He’s tearing up the wall that frames the entrance of the hotel gift shop. I didn’t spend a long time at the gift shop when my elementary school went here for a field trip years ago, but the sight of the taxidermy animal heads and old dolls reminds me why. I know they’re not alive, but those eyes look like they’re watching me.
Lilliana’s claws are digging into my skin so hard. It hurts so much that I wish I could cut my hand off, but I’m not going to let go. Her hand is shaking. She’s scared and I’m not going to leave her.
Along with Emery’s words, I hear something else. It sounds like crying, but younger. More vulnerable. Feeble, like…
Like that voice me and Lilliana heard in that fifth grade field trip, except she wanted to pretend like it wasn’t there, like I was the only one who heard it, like-
“Ophelia! This was where you were kept, all these years…oh my god. All this time and you were trapped in here.” Emery croaks. His throat sounds raspy with sobs.
He reaches into the wall and pulls out a little girl with dark-light brown skin, just like him, except her black hair is more curly than his and reaches down to her waist. She’s wearing a white dress and a white beret. Her socks are white with ruffles at the ankle. Her Mary Janes are white too. She’s dressed in white, but there are big, red splotches of blood on her dress and socks. I saw her face for only a few seconds, but that was enough for me to see the tears in her dark eyes, see the wounds on her face.
Who would do this to a little girl?
“I know who killed me, but I don’t know her name. I still remember her eyes.” Ophelia says.
She’s holding onto Emery like she doesn’t want to let go. Her head is buried in Though she’s transparent, she’s close to him as though she was in complete solid form. It wasn’t nearly the same situation as Emery’s and Ophelia’s, but I hugged Kayden just as close to me when I found him at the curiosity shop. I was so, so scared that I’d lose him forever, that I’d never see him again. The curiosity shop was such a confusing labyrinth of oddities that it looked like a horrible place for anyone to get lost in.
“What did she look like? What happened?” Emery asks, stroking Ophelia’s hair gently.
I look over at Lilliana. She has one hand on her mouth, her blue-gray eyes are watching them intensely. She looks like she’s afraid to say anything, afraid of breaking the moment. I would walk away with her, because it doesn’t look like we’re supposed to be here, but she doesn’t want to leave. So I stay.
“She…she was this old woman with bright blue eyes and she was standing right next to my bed. You, Mommy, and Daddy were sleeping. You didn’t see her. I got up to look at her closer but then she grabbed me! Her nails were very long, like claws and she was hurting me and we were spinning and spinning and then I was here! I was trying to get out, I-I know you!” Ophelia yells.
She lifts her head from Emery’s shoulder and looks at me and Lilliana. Her stare feels piercing. Am I imagining the cold air or is Ophelia making the air cold?
“I know both of you, but you were younger when I saw you. You were both fighting and I told you two to stop.”
“Ya know ‘em?”
She looks back at Emery and nods. I remember hearing her voice, but I didn’t see her. Was she invisible? But then, how would she see us if she was trapped in the wall?
“I saw them through the walls. I could move through the walls, but I couldn’t get out. Not until you got me out. I don’t know why I was in here. I think the woman trapped me. But I’m glad you saved me.”
Emery hugs Ophelia close to him, rocking her back and forth. I still don’t understand a lot of what is going on, but I understand the fear of losing a sibling. Nothing bad would have happened to Kayden at that curiosity shop, but then, I will never know. I found him before anything could happen. And even though they’re both dead in some way, they found each other. That’s a kind of joy that cannot be described.
Lilliana suddenly breaks away from my hand and storms out into another room. There are marks on my hand where her claws were. She’s hurt me, but she’ll hurt me more if she runs like she can’t tell me anything.
I run after her.
…………………………………….………………………………………………………………………….
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” I ask once I catch up to her. She’s sitting in a white armchair in the lobby, facing her knees as she rubs her forehead. There’s a brass chandelier above us that used to hold real candles back in the day but now uses electrical ones. It would be on if there were people here right now. It’s still early morning. The moonlight glows on her skin.
“Emery told me a little bit about Ophelia. He wouldn’t talk about her much, only that she went missing when they stayed at this hotel as a family.” Lilliana says.
She looks up at me, her eyes filled with such deep misery that I take a few steps back. It’s so strong that it almost looks like rage.
“But she didn’t just disappear. She was taken. Taken just like me and Emery were. Except she died and we didn’t. Why? Why do we get to live while she dies? None of this is fair and I’m scared of what this means for us.”
Lilliana is shaking now, one of her legs shaking more than the other. I feel like I should hug her or something, but it also doesn’t feel right to run over to her, either. Maybe I can’t comfort her well. Her terror might be too deep for me to calm. I might just make it worse.
“Ophelia said that the person who took her had blue eyes. Bright blue eyes. I think those were the eyes of the person who turned me! It was the same person who turned Emery, I know it! I just have to remember the rest of her facial features. If I can do that, then we’ll be closer to safety. I can find some clarity, I just…I just have to remember her! But why can’t I-why-“
“Stop it.”
She’s shaking so much. It’s more than I’ve ever seen from her before, so crouched in front of her, hugging her. I have to. There’s no question about it.
“You remember one thing about the person who turned you. That’s good. It’s at least something. And besides, it can’t be that hard to find a supernatural being with bright blue eyes, I mean-“
“Elizabeth, you don’t know that. You don’t know the supernatural like I do. Anyone could have blue eyes, even supernatural beings. What good is it that I remember the eyes but can’t remember the rest? It’s of no help and-“
“But it is something. Don’t forget that.”
Her shaking has calmed down a bit. Her arms are wrapped around me. I pull her close, but not close enough so that she falls out of chair. She smells like blood and the cheap vanilla perfume that she likes to wear. I guess the scent of a kill can never truly leave a vampire, no matter how hard they may try. From how strong the toothpaste-ice cream-sunshine vanilla perfume is, I think she’s really trying to hide the blood smell.
I don’t know if my eyes are tearing up from sadness or the smells, but I know that I shouldn’t let go. And I won’t until she’s ready to leave.
“You know,” I begin, twirling a strand of her dark-blonde hair, “I wasn’t just saying that I’d come with you even if I didn’t understand just to say it. I meant it. This is probably more confusing to you than I can imagine. So give yourself some grace. We’ll find who did this to you. I’ll be there, by your side, helping you out.”
Lilliana doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to. She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me up to the chair. The chair isn’t very big, so it’s a bit tight for both of us. I don’t mind, though. Moments like these feel like we’re in some kind of dream dimension. Like anything can happen. I suppose that anything can, now that I think about it.
She nestles her head on my neck, her claws digging into my back again. I can’t help but gasp. It sounds hollow. Just like when I was twelve years old and trying to squeeze my way through all the strange, packed items at the curiosity shop that felt like they were going to choke me. That day doesn’t feel quite real to me, but it was. It happened.
I feel a brush of what must be her fangs on my neck. It’s pointer than the needles I get at the doctor’s office, but it hurts just the same. I bite my bottom lip to stop my screams from coming out. Her claws and her teeth are giving me pain just like any monster’s would, but I know her heart. I know who she is. I know that she won’t hurt me. I know that-but I didn’t know she was a vampire. I don’t think I know everything about her.
I can’t leave her all alone. She trusts me to stay with her through all of this. Through all of the uncanny and dangerous moments. This is hard for her, so I have to stay with her. I didn’t come with her to that Rickety Railroad theme park because I didn’t think anything would happen to her. I thought that nothing important would happen in an old theme park.
But I’ll never leave her behind again.
I can feel her fangs dig deeper into my neck. I bite my bottom lip harder, so hard I can taste my own blood. I won’t scream. I won’t squirm. She needs me. I have to be there. I-
“Ophelia says that she sometimes feels an evil presence in this hotel. She thinks it’s the person that killed her. She thinks that they’re still here, in Grasscove. If we don’t find this person here, we’ll look everywhere else. We’re going to find her.” Emery says from by the door.
Lilliana’s fangs leave my neck and her claws stop digging into me. She almost shoots up to leave, but I keep her in my arms. Emery only sees her head on my neck. He’s not close enough to see that she was…what? Biting me? About to bite me? I’m not really sure what just happened.
He’s not holding Ophelia anymore. She’s “standing” next to him, as well as a ghost can, anyway. She looks more determined. Like she’s not as afraid as she was before.
She gestures for us to follow her and then runs away. Emery glances at us before chasing after her.
I can feel Lilliana’s heart beating next to mine. At least, I think that I can. I’m not sure. I hear her mumble sometimes that sounds like an apology.
“Don’t apologize for what you are. You’re not a monster, okay? Don’t ever think that about yourself.”
Lilliana lifts up her head. She gives a small smile at me that says she’s not entirely convand gets up. I want to say something, but what? I don’t know what to say.
We walk out of the lobby together.
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Canary word: Present
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@AlexWrites you might want to check this out!
Guess I missed this story somehow. Let’s see what we find ^^
ENTHUSIAM RESTORED!First of all, I’m happy that we found Ophelia. From the way the narration was set up, I was kinda worried. (let’s not think about the state she’s in. I guess that’s fixable…)
Wait… I think I remember the scene where Ophelia intervened on the girls’ behalf. Oh that is some nice setup!
Dialogue formatting ☹
And missing space here: “Except she diedand we didn’t“
Ach man, I just realise that I lose so much enthusiasm when I see that you haven’t tried looking into the dialogue formatting thing ☹
That said, I wonder what kind of twist we are setting up with the person who keeps kidnapping these people.
Also I kinda find it a bit repetitive, the way they keep talking in circles around the blue eyes.
I do like Elizabeth remarking on how much Lillian is trying to hide the blood smell. That is a neat paragraph.
Oh my… My… that is, that’s it! This is how it’s done!!!
In any case, I like how you describe Lillian’s hug bringing Elizabeth back into the curiosity shop!
Girl: “I know that she won’t hurt me. “ She just did. Hurt you. XD (I guess it’s not the same kinda pain but still!
Oh I find this drama abt if Lillian wants to eat/consume Elizabeth and also feeling horrified abt it very compelling!
Join the fight! Write more reviews!
Thx for your review!
Hey creeperfeverdreams, let's check out this new chapter! Thanks for the tag, let's get things rolling.
So Emery looking for Ophelia reminds Elizabeth of another memory of her own? I don't think it's be the best time for some flashback but I won't complain.
An unexpected place for some character justification but okayyy.. I really think we're straying from the plot at hand though.
See this flashback is still relevant and it connects to our present search. But honestly, I do find it a bit over the top that someone who remember a random voice they heard at 5 years old once, just saying.
So Elizabeth doesn't have a shred of care in her, fabulous! I'm actually quite torn here. I do think it's pretty natural to worry about Emery finding Ophelia as they're both chasing behind so it could be ignorant writing on Elizabeth's part. On the other hand, Elizabeth isn't like your normal character. She's cold, uncaring and intrinsically problematic. The fact that she's caring that little could work under that cover. Not to mention, her self centred traits justify her jumping to her own life story at every minute thing that reminds her of it even a little.
Oh my, character developmentttttt. Aren't things still undercooked for that, though?
Literal chills, we might have a villian fight to deal with..
Refreshing but shut up, Elizabeth. You've got more important things to focus on right now. When I meant spectacular narration, I didn't want it right before an emotional breakdown, creeper ToT.
THIS!! Inner struggle of someone who's never cared for anyone else enough to comfort them before. We need more of this turmoil as she tries to change for the better.
Sounds almost like a silly remark, a couple's banter perhaps. Or maybe it's just her usual frankness that she doesn't even notice her tongue anymore.
Now she really needs to stop talking though. Like I understand that the thought must be strong then, but I fail to see what you wish to achieve with this. It does establish realism but I'm not sure it's of much use here.
An interesting take! She isn't staying because she loves Lilliana but because she considers it her responsibility as a girlfriend. This changes everything. She's began to care, but for the wrong reasons. Almost looks like she doesn't want to tolerate Lilliana's continuous taunts about not supporting her. I can see this became a new topic of dispute. It'd be nice to see her walk back this wrong road and finally do right by her love.
You writing an intimate scene as steamy as this? That's new! I do think it was a little scattered to make an impact but bonus points for trying!
Let's recollect. Overall, I found this chapter lacking in material. It isn't necessarily BAD or has anything objectively wrong, but it fails to establish a singular purpose. The only new piece of the puzzle I now go with is the turner being a blue eyes grandma. We do see Elizabeth supporting Lilliana more but it seems repetitive and forced. In a way, it came too soon. I they need to go through a lot more before they achieve harmony. If I'm being very honest, I thought Lilliana's breakdown was a bit exaggerated in the first place. There's nothing leading up to it, it comes out of the blue. What exactly is she even crying about that didn't exist before? The tone is again my chief complaint. You include jokes in serious dramatic scenes that are harmed by the humor. The writing is very distracted, if I were to sum it up. Choose things you very wisely. This chapter had a lot going on but pointless plots cut each other out. Right now, your first priority should go on planning the mystery and keep it central. If you feel it's a good idea, put the couple through a major falling out and let us see both sides. Lilliana explores who wronged her and why but because of their fight, Elizabeth isn't with her. But perhaps Elizabeth is the one to figure it out or holds the key to the mystery? Let the mystery get in between their relationship and see the drama unfold. But make sure to not let it take too much space that it diverts the reader from the main plot. Some sprinkled depictions of silent treatment and avoidance will do well. Whatever you do with the love aspect though, please develop the plot wisely. It'll break or make this series.
That's all I have for now, until next time.
Love, Alex
*When I wrote the scene of her seeing Ophelia, she was actually caring. She was upset that she saw Ophelia like that. I%u2019m sorry if it didn%u2019t come out right though.
Thx for reading!
And it was fifth grade that she and Lilliana went on the field trip. They were both eleven years old at the time. Yes, Ophelia is around the age of 6-7, but she recognized them both as children, that%u2019s why she says they are %u201Clike her%u201D.
I think it's less about the age and more about the time that has passed. I won't remember the voice of a stranger I heard about 5 years ago. But ig with Ophelia having no human contact other than that, it could be explained. About Elizabeth caring, don't worry about it. It was diluted but it fits her overall character.
Also, I%u2019m not trying to be humorous. Perhaps it%u2019s my poor attempt at giving Emery a southern accent? (Ophelia has one too).
By humor I meant Elizabeths relatable commentary, like her taunting the fragrance and other instances
Ohhhh that wasn%u2019t meant to be taunting, I was trying to make the mundane feel dreamy? Like the fragrance was kind of influenced by Lana Del Rey songs? Or at least the old Lana Del Rey when she was known as Lizzy Grant, particularly her song %u201CTrash Magic%u201D. I%u2019m attempting to put a Southern Gothic/Americana/cryptid aesthetic onto this. I%u2019m not sure how well I%u2019ve done with that but this is what I mean with this.
Interesting.. Then I think my complaint doesn't hold. She is pretty known for her humorous responses that keep her real but this chapter didn't have much of them.
alr