*This is a fanfic song/poem of a character from the Netflix show “Dead Boy Detectives”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Niko Sasaki, in colors so bright
Felt alone till your friends came in sight
They saved your life and you saw a purpose
Your inner love began to bloom
For the world treated you wrong
And all you want is to make it better
Even though it doesn’t work out
Niko Sasaki, it’s not your fault
You were only trying your best
You’re not too much at all
The sprites haven’t taken your spirit
You still have your shine
I know you’re hurt now
But please, try to keep it through
Your friends will find you
And you will rise as deserved
Don’t lose yourself, Niko
Please
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
This is under my folder titled “Dead Boy Detectives fanfics”!
I like that this poem feels ... very gentle. From word choice and also from the flow.
It feels like Niko tried so hard but failed someone or something in the end with a tragic twist. It makes me wonder if "rise as deserved" is meant methaphorical or literal since this is a fanfic to "Dead Boy Detectives" which I didn't watch ^^° So from the name, it might as well be literal. I think it's a really nice poem, good job!
Oh, that%u2019s a metaphor. It means to rise from her problems.
The show will never get another season, unfortunately, but she might have died. I don%u2019t know and probably never will, because Netflix loves to cancel things lol.
Hello, My Friend!
Hi Vamp!! Trying to hop back into reviewing, and just in time to spot this lovely piece in the Green Room! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
Now, for clarity’s sake, I have not watched Dead Boy Detectives. However, I can understand the theme of this character already. A poor girl named Niko, having a rough life made brighter by some good friends—until something happens to either split them up or separate them somehow. There is definitely a feeling of loneliness and loss that resonates here, but also hope, since it’s written almost like a letter to this poor girl. You captured all of that very well!
As for more technical matters, I didn’t soot any errors or typos, or anything like that! My ONE tiny recommendation would have to do with this line, here:
I’m wondering if “felt alone” would read a bit smoother than “felt left alone” here, but that’s just me and I am no pro at poetry, so please take that with a grain of salt ^^ (I honestly only picked it up because I have a problem, myself, of adding extra words to poetry XD)
As for my favorite part, ooo…I would have to say this here:
Again, though I’m unfamiliar with the source material, it feels like you did such a good job capturing the essence of this character, and established her story in such a way that anyone can empathize with it. So good!
Overall, this is an amazing poem! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this! I recommend watching the show on Netflix as it is very good and I%u2019m pretty sure Netflix won%u2019t renew it for a second season%u2026unfortunately. :<