*This is a fanfic song/poem of a character from the Netflix show “Dead boy detectives”. (Please watch it, it’s absolutely fantastic!). This is dedicated to a character named “Monty”. The person speaking is me, the viewer, and how I view Monty and his plight. This is underneath my folder titled “Dead boy detectives” fanfics. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy…but be warned that while this show is full of ghosts and romance, it is the kind of romance that mostly gets sad endings. Such is the way it is in a show with a constant prevalence of death and regret, it seems.*
Sweet little crow
Awakened into a human for the first time
Human feelings rushed in
It started with love
Then there came the questions
For love is sugar-tinted and razor sharp
It can blossom or it can wither
Sweet little crow
How you wanted to fly
How you wanted to take him close and never let him go
But the witch always lurks
She was once hurt
Her hurt made her a monster
And oh, you sweet little crow
He didn’t love you back
Saw you only as the witch’s pet
But you’re not the witch’s perfect pet, are you?
You’re so much more than that, aren’t you?
Becoming a human made you learn that you’re more than her accomplice
But she tore you down
Turned you back before you could figure it out yourself
Sweet little crow
Don’t ever become the witch
Never let your broken heart bleed to black
For you’ll hurt those that don’t deserve it
Sweet little crow
I wish you could have found happiness
I wish she didn’t rob you of your humanity
Though I am only a viewer
And cannot foresee what is to come
I hope you can become human again
I hope that you can get a happy ending
Because sweet little crow
You deserve so much more
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi creepy. Happy RevMo :> I have not watched the show (not sure I've even seen anything about it at all) but I typically have really enjoyed your poetry and lyricism in your short stories, so this one caught my eye
I believe you mean sugar tainted*. As in sweet but corrupted. Seems to go along with the second half of the line about being sharp which is both useful and dangerous.
I read that as cow at first, and it was really adorable to see a cow with aspirations of flying. Perhaps he could at least jump over the moon one day.
I love the decision to start every verse with Sweet Little Crow. I think that you could use spacing between stanzas to help with readability (i know yws is a pain with formatting this) which would emphasize it more, and I also just think it would give it a nice aesthetic. You DO use it for the very last line.
This is a really fun idea, writing to your favorite characters. I think it could be a bit therapeutic for a lot of people with a lot of shows xD I've been watching Wednesday so I just keep thinking of the crow as the Hyde because he had such a wack dimension with professor Thornhill. Obviously this isnt the same but it did help frama it as i read.
You do a good job of making us feel empathetic with words like "Rob you" and "tore you down", showing the intent and maliciousness of the witch.
~Messy
So glad you enjoyed and thanks for the suggestions! I do agree that the relationship between Monty and Esther (the witch) is similar to Tyler and Thornhill's relationship, only that when Monty wanted to be more free she turned him back into a crow...in the most horrific way imaginable.
Dead Boy Detectives is a wonderful show that is based off a comic series, but I don't think it will get another season or be promoted ever again. This upsets me, so I made fanfics. You can watch the show if you want! :}
Hello! Hopping in to leave a short review.
I'm going to preface by saying that I'm not well versed in lyric/song writing, but from what I know about generic structuring of songs I'll give this review my best shot!
What struck me most is the exploration of angst surrounding a romance between the two characters. Lines like "he didn't love you back" and "you're so much more than that, aren't you?" allude to the inner turmoil Monty is facing. It's apparent that he has a lot of personal anguish about fulfilling his desires, but his physical state might be holding him back to achieving this happiness.
I think structurally this is really interesting; there's no separation of verses/bridges/choruses that's seen in usual lyrics, so that's something you could definitely consider if you want to lean more into the lyrical feel rather than poetry. Additionally, the only line being separated is the last one, which I think is clever! It emphasizes it and helps leave the song with a thought provoking line.
The introduction of first person POV was also intriguing to me. I wouldn't say it was completely undesired, but definitely unexpected without the short description at the top explaining you're speaking on Monty's experiences from the perspective of a viewer. To tie this back into my note about structure, I think it might be beneficial to separate this section (starting with the line "I wish you could have found happiness") to become its own part so that it flows better. I'm not sure if labeling each section with [bridge] [verse] [chorus] etc is necessary, but perhaps having more structure around that could help with the overall readability!
My favorite line:
Really vivid imagery here, and captures the dark undertones that I presume are present in the show!
Hope some of this was helpful! Cheers!
Calamity
Glad you enjoyed this and thanks for the suggestions!