*This is a fanfic song/poem about a character named Jenny from the show “Dead boy detectives” on Netflix. It’s under my folder titled “Dead boy detectives” fanfics. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Jenny’s heart was torn apart
But those love letters made it all the better
She kept the letters as an idea, she didn’t want her happiness to sever
Jenny cut through the meat, content in her butcher shop
Entertained by those love letters
Her tenant, Niko, so young and so innocent
Only wanted Jenny to find true love
For that poor girl still believed in happy endings
Niko brought Jenny and the love letter writer together
Jenny didn’t know what to expect, she was prepared for the worse
But Maxine seemed to care so deeply!
All was going well, Jenny thought that maybe, she wouldn’t be alone
Till Maxine brought the knife, fueled by the belief of:
“Not even death will keep us apart!”
Jenny’s head swam with terror, her heart broke into cracks yet again
The ghosts saved her life, they put an end to Maxine
Niko’s eyes ran with tears, why didn’t she listen?
All of it was her fault, why’d she have to live by fantasies?
Jenny knew not what to say or do
Shell-shocked, wanting to fade back into the shadows
Maybe she was better off cutting meat in the butcher shop
Than finding true love
It was just her luck to find love in a lost librarian (murderer!)
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Now I'm jealous of that other reviewer bc they've figured out how to do the fancy quotation marks. Eventually, I will know too =D
Also, you have a huge backlog of stories in the green room, so here's another review for you
Once again, I know nothing about the context since I haven't watched the show so bear with me ^^°
The poem gives me the impression that Jenny might have used her experience/life in the butcher shop to murder Maxime? (Bc he tried to do it to her first. But the lyrics arent quite clear, could also be all in her head since Niko, the one who set her up with Maxime laments that she didnt listen hmm). Also the curious use of "fantasies" here.
Especially that line makes me think that she would have associated chopping meat with chopping a real life heart. I dunno ^^° "Maybe she was better off cutting meat in the butcher shop"
Interesting read in any case!
Quote blocks work like this:
[quote]Paste text here[/quote]Hope that helps! <3
Hello!!! I am happy to be back to review another song of yours
I think you do a nice job of setting up the scene. Even though this is a song, you pretty clearly state what is happening. It seems like Jenny has gone through some thing that has torn her heart apart or caused her a lot of distress. But it seems like she is receiving love letters from someone who means a lot to her. I am curious to see who is sending these and what they say. I also want to comment on your use of the word sever. I really love how you start to bring that dark element into a piece without being super direct. Nice job!
We often say "till death do us part" but I like how you play with this line here and state that not even death will keep them apart. It is like Maxine wants to commit a murder or do something bad to stop this separation from happening. I am so impressed with your vocabulary and how it has grown, especially on that line when you state that Jenny's head swam with terror.
I like what you did with asking questions to keep us engaged right here!
I liked the ending too! Even though it is a song, it felt very much like a short story, which is awesome. You are so good at keeping us engaged. I found that it was quite fast paced, but that makes sense since it is a song too. I would love to know more about what the letters said and why they meant so much to her
Your friend,
Ellie