Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
*This story is under my folder titled “A monster creeps along”. It is based off a Halloween tale from my story “31 horrific Halloween tales”, which is under my folder “31 Halloween tales”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Introduction
Katherine had been friends with Scarlett, Sophia, and Natalia ever since she met them one day in preschool, when the school year ended and Kindergarten was around the horizon. Summer was coming up and with it, long stretches of sunshine and playground days, catching fireflies in jars and listening to the buzz of football on the TV nights.
Yet never in her young life had she ever had a sleepover with her friends! That was crazy, wasn’t it? Most children had sleepovers with their friends, it was the customary thing to do to solidify friendships. It was what most kids did in movies, so it must have been the normal thing to do!
Everyone always looked like they were having the time of their lives at sleepovers, with many games and much mischief. Sometimes, Katherine wondered what kind of shenanigans she and her friends would get to if they have sleepovers of their own.
So when the idea of a sleepover came up in the friend group, of course Katherine would go! Who was she to deny complete and utter fun?
Chapter One
AT SCHOOL
Katherine was talking adamantly with Sophia in class. It was Friday, which meant that there was no school the next day! The both of them were talking about the shows they liked, the toys they wanted. Anything and everything that could come to mind. It all sounded like humdrum buzz from their mouths, but at least she was with her friends.
Natalia didn’t say anything, she was never really interested in having a conversation. Sometimes Katherine would wonder why, but then she wouldn’t ask, just so she wouldn’t bother Natalia. Sometimes people weren’t big talkers, that was what her parents would tell her. It was best not to prod so as not to bother or bring discomfort to anyone.
Katherine felt all of the warmth and joy from the presence of her friends and in the corner of her mind, hopes that they would be oh so close in the future had begun to bloom in her mind.
If they were best friends then, wouldn’t they be best friends forever?
Chapter Two
In the midst of their talking, Katherine noticed Scarlett taking a seat at their table. A few hours had passed, but thank goodness Scarlett had joined them! Then that meant they could all have fun together and talk about exciting things with one another!
“Do you guys want to come to my house for a sleepover?” Scarlett suddenly asked.
For a moment, there was a pause in the air. A sleepover? At Scarlett’s house? Katherine had never been to a sleepover before, much less one at a mansion, but the mere thought of being in a mansion with her friends sounded just like the kind of stuff that came from movies, the kind of stuff that was bound to have exciting adventures around the corner!
“Yes!” Katherine said along with her friends, never more sure about anything than that day.
For a day with friends was always wonderful, according to the movies.
Chapter Three
AFTER SCHOOL
Katherine did as she was supposed to, listening intently to her teacher and playing with her friends at recess, the thought of a sleepover dancing at the back of her mind in such a way that still brought joy, but let her focus on the matter at hand.
But when the day was over and her Dad was driving her home from school, Katherine couldn’t help but smile to herself, giddiness fluttering all about.
For suffering school had ended and the wonderful weekend had begun!
Chapter Four
NIGHT
Katherine pulled the sheets higher up her face, closing her eyes and waiting for Saturday to come. She hadn’t told her parents anything about the sleepover out of fear that they might say no, but that was alright, because she would tell them the next day.
Never before had Katherine ever wanted to go to sleep, for going to sleep meant an end to the fun of daylight, but in that instance, it was okay, because the night would rush by and then she would be okay for Saturday!
Her very first sleepover was right around the corner!
Chapter Five
THE NEXT DAY
Sunlight cast a dreamy, hazy shadow over Katherine’s eyes. The blankets were slightly pulled above her face just enough to keep her comfortable and so that she could see the sun without burning her vision.
She didn’t remember exactly what she dreamed about, but she did remember the feelings of happiness and excitement bounding through her and the after effects of it were still lingering deep inside.
The night had passed and Saturday had arrived. The glorious Saturday of a sleepover! Of course, there was the question of whether her parents would allow her to go, but they’d probably say yes since it was the weekend and everyone said yes on the weekend…right?
Right?
Chapter Six
AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE
Katherine was at the table, eating her breakfast of an english muffin with butter. Blueberries laid next to it on a plate and for dessert, a chocolate chip cookie muffin. There was a glass of milk for her to drink. Her Mom had made the breakfast for her and Katherine, like always, found it delicious.
But would her joy once last once she told her parents about the sleepover? She had to tell them at some point, because if she didn’t, then how would she be able to go to the sleepover?
After Katherine finished eating a bite of her english muffin, swallowed down her fear, then said:
“Scarlett is having a sleepover today. She told me and the others yesterday. I said I would go. Can I come?”
Chapter Seven
Her parents exchanged looks with one another and then, Mom said:
“Sure, it’s close enough.”
“What are you going to do? You’re just kids, it’s not like you’re going to throw a party or anything.” Dad added.
“Really? I can go?” Katherine asked, not quite believing that it was all real, that it wasn’t a dream.
“Yes. It’s Saturday, have fun. Now finish your breakfast.” Mom said, gesturing towards the plate Katherine still needed to finish.
She ate away at her breakfast, not daring to question her parents, fearing the lucky moment broken by mere words.
Chapter Eight
Time had passed since Katherine had eaten breakfast. Her Mom was driving her over to Scarlett’s mansion, Katherine was staring out the window, watching the houses roll by in complete silence, saving her excitement for the sleepover.
Why, all of the joy that Katherine had couldn’t come spilling out right before the party even started! She had to keep her composure and ready herself for the real fun, after all.
So, Katherine watched the trees roll by.
Chapter Nine
After a while, the car had made it all the way to a mansion that windows glittering with lamps that shone with a soft, golden glow. Katherine’s heart bubbled with glee as she recognized Scarlett’s mansion, the mansion Scarlett had taken photos of with her mini pink polaroid camera, the mansion where many possibilities waited.
They had finally made it to Scarlett’s mansion! They had made it to the sleepover! It looked like they were the first ones too, because there was only one other car and that was the one in the driveway.
As Katherine unbuckled her seatbelt, she wondered what kind of joyous moments awaited her and her friends, what kind of moments she would remember forever.
For she was certain that the kind of memories made would be the pink-glitter ones she would hold dear to her heart forever.
Chapter Ten
Katherine hugged her parents goodbye before she walked up to Scarlett’s mansion with her suitcase and extra bag, greeted by Scarlett who opened the door.
“My parents are at a party and Juni is at a different party. It’s just us until the others come!” Scarlett said with a smile.
No parents and no older sister, Juni? That certainly wasn’t something Katherine was expecting, but maybe there would be more fun with just her and her friends!
The car drove far off Katherine closed the door behind, prepared to start a night of an entertaining sleepover, far from the mundane aspects of life.
Far from her parents.
Chapter Eleven
“Soo…wanna watch a few episodes of Sparkle Friends on TV? We can do that while we wait for the others to come.” Scarlett suggested with a small smile.
Sparkle Friends? The show about the fairies going on magical adventures all while wearing the most sparkly clothing and having the coolest powers? With no adults bothering them?
“Yes!” Katherine beamed, for again, that was the kind of stuff that only happened in movies!
Chapter Twelve
A few minutes passed between the two of them as they watched episodes of Sparkle Friends, the fairies and unicorns dancing with glee on the screen. They all seemed so full of optimism, so excited.
It would be just like Katherine and her friends once Natalia and Sophia arrived, once-
“They’re here!” Scarlett beamed, sitting up on the couch and taking a peek at the window.
They came?! They arrived?!
All of the things that happened in movies were going to happen in real life! All the super cool awesome stuff would happen!
Katherine smiled softly to herself as she watched the TV. The show would be all the more sweeter with friends around, just like what the fairies and unicorns always said about friendship.
Chapter Thirteen
Katherine hugged Natalia and Sophia when they arrived and then, Scarlett declared that they would play board games, grabbing the remote and turning the TV off.
But why couldn’t they just watch more TV? Wouldn’t the others want to watch Sparkle Friends as well? Why did they have to go and play board games? Did Scarlett get bored of the show?
No, no. They were going to play board games and it would be fun, just like everything else was with them all.
There would always be time to watch Sparkle Friends.
Chapter Fourteen
Hours had passed as Katherine and her friends played board games, then dressed up in pretty Princess dresses, then watched super cool movies about super cool girls on TV.
All of the girls had colorful hair and amazing outfits, all of them had cool things that they could do.
As Katherine sat in front of the TV with all of her friends, she thought of making crafts with them, of stopping bad guys, of making everything better…
All of the truly cool stuff would happen when they were teenagers, just like in the movies.
Chapter Fifteen
Eventually, the time had come for Katherine and her friends to get into their pajamas and go to sleep. The TV was turned off, the moonlight’s rays glowed through the windows.
Though her heart was full of woe over the fact that she could no longer watch the sparkling show with her friends, there were hints of joy within as she grabbed her pink pajama shirt with a white heart on the middle and sky blue pajama pants, then ran off to one of the empty rooms to change, closing the door behind her as she did so.
Katherine was going to wear pretty pajamas and would go to sleep with her friends around!
Chapter Sixteen
Katherine stepped out of the empty room and fumbled with a loose string on her long sleeve pink pajama shirt. Her white socks made her feel as though she was walking on a cloud and when she that there a warm, pink glow coming from the living room, the feeling of walking on a magical cloud brimming in her evermore. Why was there a pink light? Where did the pink light come from? What-
It was a lamp! Scarlett’s lamp, with butterflies on it! A pink lamp that was decorated with butterflies!
Her friends were all in the living room, talking amongst one another, getting ready to settle in for the night. The four of them were all dressed in different kinds of pajamas, each one of them pretty in their own way, just like the outfits in Sparkle Friends.
We’re like Princesses going to sleep in our royal castle with all sorts of pillows and blankets! Katherine thought as she joined the other girls.
The night was so simple and yet, so beautiful and magical.
Chapter Seventeen
For a few minutes, Katherine could not sleep, but then, her eyelids grew heavy and she felt herself drifting far…far…far away into dreamland…
She was in a school hallway that had bright lockers and shiny, clean halls. Everyone was dressed in their own sparkling styles and her friends were all talking to each in a huddle just a few feet from her, except they looked a little bit older, like everyone else and they had colorful hair and cool clothes, just like…
Could it be that they were all FINALLY teenagers in high school? Would they get to have all of the fun drama and meet cute boys and dress all stylish?
Katherine turned around and felt that she had to open the locker next to her, so she did and…
There were all sorts of stickers decorating the inside of her locker! Stickers like sweets and emojis and makeup. Cool stuff! There were also photos of her and her friends in them, photos of them going to amusement parks and ice cream parlors and arcades, all held up by butterfly magnets. There was a small mirror that Katherine looked into and upon looking at it, she saw an older version of herself with purple hair and sparkly black eyeshadow. Her lips were covered in glittery dark blue lipstick and when she looked down, her long-sleeve shirt was in zebra print, she wore a hot pink tank top underneath it and her jeans had a million holes in them with rhinestones stitched on. Her shoes were black, chunky boots.
Katherine jumped up and down, grinning to herself as she did so.
She was an awesome, stylish TEENAGER! She could do whatever she wanted and she could do it all with her super duper amazing friends!
Chapter Eighteen
She ran towards her friends, excited to talk to them, to tell them so many wonderful things, but…
Why was everything going dark? It was like the sunlight was starting to dim, faster and faster and faster still…Katherine’s legs felt like they were all limp, like they were going to fall apart…
And were those flashes of red? Crackles of red? Breaking in through? But no, that wasn’t normal. That was scary…high school wasn’t supposed to be scary…it was supposed to be fun…right?
Right?
Chapter Nineteen
Katherine jolted up from the nightmare, a piercing scream having awakened her but…why was Scarlett’s light off? Why was there still screaming all around her?
Her nails curled around the sleeping bag sheet, sweat and terror building off of her fingers, her own breath coming out of her in hollow gasps.
What was that awful, gurgling sound, like a clogged growl, that sounded too close to her?
Chapter Twenty
Katherine could feel something lifting her up into the air and then, she could feel something sharp piercing deep into her flesh, through her blood and bones, an almost burning pain going through her. She felt something warm spill down her head and saw glints of red.
A scream twisted its way out of her throat, but nobody responded. What happened to all of her friends? When would somebody turn on the light? What was attacking her?
Was it really…a monster?
Epilogue
There was nothing for a few seconds. Only for a few seconds, because after those seconds were over, she found herself in a fairytale woods, where the trees reached high into the sky and the sun’s rays dazzled through. Katherine met a cloaked figure who told her that it was a monster who had killed her and her friends, but that there was nothing to worry about in death and that they would all live happily in a garden together.
The garden was pretty and the cloaked figure was nice, but Katherine still didn’t like it. It still hurt that she was dead. Sometimes, she thought of the teeth pushing itself deep into her flesh, her screams swirling in the dark, but then she’d remind herself that it was all over, that she got to be in a garden with her friends.
But still…why couldn’t they just live? Why couldn’t they grow up to be cool teenagers?
The sleepover was supposed to be fun.
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Hi creeperfeverdreams!
I thought of reviewing another story from your folder. After reading the earlier one that revolved around the festival where the monsters were created and resided, this story reveals that monsters can lurk even within the comfort and safety of people's homes. It also suggests that they may be increasing their population by converting more and more humans, which is an unsettling idea.
As for the story itself, you tried to keep the suspense until the very end, and as a reader I definitely felt that something was going to happen. However, at times Katherine's constant excitement and the repeated hints of something ominous in almost every chapter felt a bit cliche. While it does build tension, the repetition slightly reduces its impact.
There were also a few chapters where the lines could be improved for better flow, as some sentences felt confusing or awkward to read and might pull the reader out of the story. For example:
and
In this second instance, I actually expected the pink glow to take a horror turn, maybe monster eyes glowing or some kind of portal opening up, which would have been bananas in a fun way. Instead, it turns out to be an ordinary light. Because of the wording and sentence length, that reveal feels a bit awkward and makes it harder to concentrate.
I did find the ending very interesting. The monster attack was exactly what I was waiting for. While I understand that the epilogue is not meant to be long, the most intriguing part of the story lies in where Katherine ends up afterward. The garden afterlife feels somewhat conventional and emotionally too resolved for the weight of what happened. While it represents peace and comfort, it softens the trauma too quickly and reduces the lingering sense of injustice that Katherine clearly feels. A bit more imagery or detail about this garden, especially as part of a monster world, could help create a stronger and more vivid picture for the reader.
I also checked your comment on the other review where you mentioned that the monster is Markus. Because of that, I feel that adding a few physical descriptions that were already established in the first story could have helped here. That way, as a reader, I could have made a direct connection that this monster was indeed Markus. Without those details, I initially assumed the attack was carried out by a random monster.
Overall, this was a good read and you did a nice job creating a suspenseful story. One minor suggestion would be that some chapters could be removed or merged, as a few felt repetitive and did not carry much narrative weight. That said, I would still really look forward to checking out more of your stories.
Happy writing!
Thx for reading!
Oh this has me think of my first sleepover too. I heard about it from classmates and was like: I want in on that action :3
So first of all, it comes super well across how young Katherine is. That’s kinda in all her child-like naivete and also how she phrases her sentences (With an overload of commas haha. Just not when you punctuate dialogue sigggh You don’t do periods with speech tags q.q you do commas)
Again I feel like you brush over the monumental decisions your characters made. And this line from her dad feels weird: “What are you going to do? You’re just kids,“ as if he really cant imagine what they’d do there? If there is discussion at all, be more in the moment otherwise, … just skip this with a “Katherine was so happy her parents agreed --- next scene”
Also I don’t rly feel like your chapters really… serve a key plot point. Kath’s excitement comes through in multiple ones and each chap only advances the story a tiny bit. That can be quite frustrating.
Oh there are no adults at Scarlett’s house? Oo
Hmmm I think you take too long to show how cute and adorable and wonderful it is.
But I do like how you establish that Kath can barely wait to turn into a teen and do all the fun stuff she’s seen.
And her dream abt it works so well in the story, to dangle that in front of her what she cant yet have but getting just even more exiting (I might have read ahead and know what is to come…) So that works really well in this gut-punchy way that she will never get to have that.
I also like how the dream turns sour and into a nightmare. That works well.
And wow.. yes I would be lying if I said I didn’t think NOTHING would happen but the way it happened was still really horrible. @.@ Your characters always die so brutally ^^° I just feel like… this kinda comes outta nowhere? Did the monster always live at Scarlett’s place and just waited for a high concentration of kids to start chomping?
I also like that even the beautiful afterlife feels hollow to Kath in relation to what she perceives that she has lost.
The monster is called Markus, he was once a human. I have other stories about in my author%u2019s note and I%u2019m gonna post about the other girls at some point.
Thanks for reading!
Jup I figured this was Marcus. I just think he wasn't well foreshadowed in this one and it took too long to get to the good part xd
lol