16+ Violence

Scarlett’s deep fears

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

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*This story is underneath my folder titled “A monster creeps along”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1410. Enjoy!*

Introduction

Sleepovers. Those nights where friends all hang out with each other, telling one another secrets and never going to sleep. It’s made all the better when there are no adults around. When anything can happen.

Scarlett was much too young to be left on her own at a sleepover with her friends, but sometimes, people have the very naive idea that nothing terrible could ever possibly happen in their neighborhood.

But who cared about that? Not the parents. Not Scarlett’s older sister, Juni. Definitely not Scarlett herself, who only wanted to play and not think of anything that could go bad in the night or day.

The house was all locked, it was just Scarlett and her friends. They lived in a place of suburban serenity, it wasn’t like unruly urban.

But there is no such thing as “guaranteed”, for life is full of many uncertainties.

Still, it was such a pity that Scarlett and her friends had to find out that truth in a terribly cruel way…

Chapter One

Scarlett tossed and turned in bed, only one thought swirling inside her head: She had to see her friends.

She would see them the next day on Friday, but then she would have to wait until the other school week. She never once hung out with her friends outside of school. All of the other kids had sleepovers or parties or something else that was fun.

But that never happened with her. There was never any time. Her parents always had to take Juni and her out somewhere for a family event or for a walk in the local park. They were always “too busy”.

But they weren’t doing anything on Saturday. Maybe Scarlett could do something with her friends then.

Hopefully her parents said yes.

Chapter Two

“Mom? Dad? Can I have a sleepover with my friends tomorrow night?” Scarlett asked.

It was early in the morning. Scarlett was eating breakfast with her parents. After much thinking in the night, she had figured out what to do with her friends!

Mom and Dad exchanged looks with each other, seeming to think deeply. Scarlett hoped that they wouldn’t think too much, because she wanted to play with all of her friends!

“You’re only going to stay in this house?” Mom asked.

Scarlett nodded vigorously. Why would they need to go outside when they could all play inside?

“I think that it’s okay.” She said, turning to Dad.

Dad nodded.

“We’ll be going out tomorrow, so this is perfect! We don’t have to call your Grandparents and have them take care of you. You can just stay in the house with your friends. You’ll be fine.” Dad said with a smile.

“You mean it?” Scarlett asked, just to be absolutely certain.

“We mean it. This will be a good experience for you and your friends. You’ll learn to communicate more all while having a good time!” Mom beamed.

“Yay! Thank you so much!” Scarlett beamed, her heart rising with joy, for her parents had said yes to the sleepover!

“Of course. Just be careful.” Dad said.

“I will! We’ll only stay inside. I promise.” Scarlett said, for she was very serious about her promises.

“That’s all we want to hear.” Dad said.

As they all ate their breakfast and prepared for their day-to-day lives, Juni being upstairs because she liked to “sleep in” (because she was boring), Scarlett couldn’t help but smile to herself at how wonderful everything turned out.

A whole night with her friends! No adults! Just Juni and Juni wouldn’t bother her because she was BORING!

Scarlett couldn’t wait to do all the stuff that was in the movies with her friends. They were going to have so much fun!

Chapter Three

IN CLASS

Scarlett had gotten all ready for school and was at one of the many class tables with her friends, Katherine, Sophia, and Natalia. They were all scribbling on their own sheets of blank paper until Scarlett asked:

“Want to have a sleepover at my house? My parents said that I could do it!” Scarlett beamed.

“A sleepover? We can have a sleepover at your house? Really? Like watch movies and eat snacks together?” Katherine asked.

Scarlett nodded vigorously.

The girls exchanged looks and then, they all collectively cheered:

“Yes!”

Yes? Just like that? It would be okay with their parents?

Scarlett didn’t prod for more answers. If they said yes, then who cared what their parents thought? They were going to have an ACTUAL SLEEPOVER!

She’d bring out the chips and the cookies! Anything for her friends!

Chapter Four

BACK AT HOME

Scarlett rummaged through the cabinets, for the day had ended and she was back home, searching for the perfect snacks for the sleepover! So far, she only saw healthy stuff…

“It’s just a sleepover. You don’t need to take it so seriously. Your friends will be there.” Juni’s voice said.

Scarlett turned around.

Standing a few feet away from her was Juni, searching for something in the fridge.

“I do! This is the first sleepover I’m doing and I want to do it right. Now, do you want to watch a movie about ponies or mermaids?” Scarlett asked, for she didn’t want Juni to miss out on the fun either.

“Why are you asking me? I’m not staying. I’m going to a party.” Juni said, closing the fridge door and taking out a plastic cup of vanilla yogurt.

“Did Mom and Dad say that you could go?” Scarlett asked, for she didn’t quite believe that their parents said yes to Juni going to a party.

“Yes! It will be fine. I’m not that far from here. You’ll be okay.” Juni said with a smile as she went over to the utensil drawer and took out a spoon.

Scarlett should have been excited at the idea of being alone but…if Juni wasn’t going to be there, then would anything bad happen to her and her friends? Wouldn’t it be better if somebody older was around?

Scarlett would have to ask her parents about it later.

Chapter Five

“Juni is going to a party! She’s not supposed to go because she has to watch over me! Tell her that she can’t go!” Scarlett cried out. Her parents had just gotten home from work and they were getting themselves ready for a grown-up party thing.

She had followed them upstairs to their bedroom and waited until Mom opened the door, which meant that they had changed into their outfits and were just doing touch-ups.

“Scarlett, honey, we know. Juni already told us. It’s okay. You’re with your friends. You’ll be fine. Our neighborhood is safe.” Dad said as he straightened his tie at the long mirror.

Mom was facing the short mirror, fussing with her lipstick. Why did she worry so much? It was just lipstick, it looked fine.

“But what if a bad guy comes in? My teachers say that we always have to have somebody older with us and that we shouldn’t be alone!” Scarlett said.

Juni liked when their parents left for work because then she had “the whole house to herself”. But the house just felt empty, hollow of life.

Why did they want to leave Scarlett alone?

“Nobody is going to come because you’ll remember to lock the doors. Aren’t you supposed to get ready for the sleepover? Please don’t bother us and go get everything ready.” Dad said.

He didn’t leave his mirror, Mom didn’t leave hers. Scarlett wasn’t done with her point yet, but her parents were both fixated on their own mirrors, all in their own business, that she glumly headed downstairs.

Why weren’t her parents fun?

Chapter Six

A FEW MINUTES BEFORE THEY LEFT

Scarlett sat on the couch, surrounded by her snack bags. On the floor were DVDS and her sleeping bag. She and her friends were all going to be in the living room.

They all each other. Her friends were coming. Scarlett wasn’t going to be entirely alone. Her neighborhood was safe. Her parents were right. Juni was right. Why wouldn’t they be right? They were older than her, they knew more than her.

But then…would they really be okay? What if something bad happened and Scarlett didn’t know what to do? What if everything went wrong? What if-

No! She had to think positive! The sleepover was going to be the best ever because it was going to be with JUST her and her friends! Nothing bad would happen because that was IMPOSSIBLE!

Scarlett tried her best to smile, to hold down her tears.

Chapter Seven

“Bye everyone! I’ll see you later!” Juni said before she stepped out the front door, her blue eyes sparkling with joy that Scarlett had never seen before, so much so that they sparkled more than her tank top, skirt, tights, and heels.

Hours had passed since Scarlett got everything ready, it was time for Juni to leave. Juni had to leave before their parents for the party because it started earlier. Scarlett watched as she laughed with her friends in the speeding car, as they drove off to have all of the fun in the world!

Would Scarlett be like that with her friends? Would she be able to go out more? To attend parties? To not worry about a single thing?

Would she become cooler as she got older? Cool people were loved more. Maybe then, Juni would want to hang out with her more.

Hopefully Scarlett would get older soon.

Chapter Eight

“Goodbye, Scarlett. Be good. We’ll leave the door unlocked so that your friends can come in. You remembered how to lock it, right?” Mom asked.

Scarlett nodded. The hour had come for Mom and Dad to leave, but still, she didn’t feel right about it. At all. Mom had taught her how to lock and unlock the door a few hours earlier, yet already, she couldn’t seem to recall a thing.

Just like she did with Juni, she watched as her parents drove away, off to have an evening of their own.

For the time being, Scarlett was left all alone.

Chapter Nine

THE ARRIVAL

After a few hours, Scarlett saw three cars arrive. Her friends had come!

Scarlett grabbed the keys from the dining room table and opened the door, pushing down all of her colliding fears.

She was going to lock the doors once they went inside. Nothing bad would happen.

It was going to be the best sleepover ever!

Chapter Ten

FLASHBACK

“I’m going to leave this spare key for you. See? You put the key in the hole and turn it to the left to unlock.” Mom said, turning the key to the left.

Scarlett nodded, trying her best to remember it all. Trying to remember what to do while thinking about being all alone wasn’t easy, but she was trying.

“Now, turn it to the right to lock.” Mom said, turning it to the right.

Just as the door clicked open, it also clicked shut.

“You try!” Mom smiled, handing her the key.

But what if she didn’t get it right? What if she messed up somehow? Scarlett was already putting the key in the hole, there was nothing that could stop her, she was REALLY doing it! She was? Or was she? What if-

“Good job!” Mom smiled.

Sure enough, Scarlett locked and unlocked the door with success! Even amidst her terror, she still felt a proud smile creep up her face.

Scarlett could hardly believe it, but it was true! She did an adult thing!

Chapter Eleven

For a while, the sleepover was nothing but smiles and laughs. The girls ate all the junk food that they wanted as they watched cheaply made animation movies. Scarlett’s worry had evaporated and as she had complete freedom in the house, she wondered why she was so upset at all.

But then, she and her friends began to grow tired. Against their rules, they had all begun to fall asleep, their eyelids growing heavy, the junk food all collided together within them that the energy had seeped out.

Goodness, but what a long day they all had. Especially Scarlett!

The door was locked, so everything was safe. Scarlett remembered to lock the door. Scarlett would never forget to lock the door!

Never, ever.

Chapter Twelve

“LET ME GO! NO! STOP! PLEASE!” Katherine’s voice cried out.

But no, Katherine wasn’t screaming. She was with Scarlett, Sophia, and Natalia on a unicorn, riding on a rainbow. She wasn’t screaming. She wasn’t crying.

Scarlett heard her other friends scream too. That didn’t make sense to her, since they were all in a pretty sky together. The clouds smelled like cotton candy! Everything was so sparkly and fun!

Yet still, the screams and cries got louder…louder…Scarlett’s heart pounded with dread…no, no…everything was supposed to be perfect…

Scarlett woke up.

Chapter Thirteen

Right before her very eyes, Scarlett saw a hulking gray monster with bright red eyes eating Katherine. Blood spilled out of its dirtied fangs and onto Katherine’s sleeping bag.

The moon was the only source of light, giving the creature an even more sinister aura, like a being that mocked angels with their heavenly glow.

On either side of her, Scarlett could see Sophia and Natalia with their innards stripped open, their eyes wide with tears.

What WAS the monster? How did it come in? She remembered to lock the doors, shouldn’t that have been enough to stop it? Why couldn’t she do anything? Why couldn’t she be a hero? Why couldn’t she STOP it?

But no, Scarlett sat in her sleeping bag, panic snatching her with cold, clammy claws, tears spilling from her eyes, the only thought on her mind being:

No no no no no no no NO NO NO NONONONONONO

Chapter Fourteen

Still, she sat in her sleeping bag, watching as the monster walked towards her, flailing her limbs as it picked her up, a scream rising out of her throat as it bit into her skin, as she heard her bones crack and her blood vessels being popped, a ringing in her ears.

Oh, why couldn’t Scarlett run? Where did the monster come from? What did it want with her? Why did it want her? Why wouldn’t it just go away? Was she dreaming? Would she wake up soon?

No, Scarlett didn’t “wake up”. It all stayed the same.

The last of her bones snapped, her screams died out.

Chapter Fifteen

Scarlett found herself in a forest that glistened with dew-drops, the mid-morning sun glimmering above the trees. She heard a stream running somewhere and the voices of her friends calling out to her.

It didn’t take long for Scarlett to run towards her friends, to find them underneath a tree with diamond ornaments that sparkled with rainbows.

Some of her friends had eyes, some of them had no eyes, all of them were covered in blood, all of them smiled when she came.

Scarlett could see a faint tint of red in her own eyes, too, but maybe she’d figure that out soon.

Hopefully.

Chapter Sixteen

“Girls, turn around.” A rasping voice said. Scarlett’s spine tingled a bit, yet still, she turned around with her friends.

Sitting on a log was a figure draped in a cloak of black, a scythe propped next to it. With one bony finger, the figure beckoned them to come closer.

The girls stayed put, linking hands with one another. In such a dazzling forest, they didn’t expect to see such an unearthly creature.

“It’s alright. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Death is never easy, especially when you’re young. I will tell you what I can so that your journey into the afterlife will be easier. Do not rush, I will always be here.” The figure said.

Strangely, it sounded like the lull of soft, classical music that her parents listened to on the radio, the music that would put Scarlett into a calm sleep.

With tentative steps, she walked towards the Grim Reaper. Her friends followed after, never wanting to leave her side.

What else could hurt them when their lives were already snatched away in seconds?

Chapter Seventeen

The girls all sat in a circle on the ground, as though they were merely waiting for their teacher to tell them a story. Questions flowed through their minds, all collided together. What to ask? What to say?

“Why did the monster kill us?” Sophia asked.

“The monster was once a human. It became the way it did from an evil carnival woman, but the woman is dead now. The monster did not want to kill either of you, it acted off of instinct. It is no excuse, though. That is what I know of the monster. Any other questions?” The Grim Reaper asked.

Scarlett swallowed hard. No, it didn’t make their deaths any better, but at least they all knew why the monster got them.

There were other questions Scarlett wanted to ask. They wouldn’t be very easy to say.

Perhaps the Grim Reaper could make sense of it all.

Chapter Eighteen

“Why didn’t my family spend more time with me?” Scarlett asked, trying to keep the tears down.

The Grim Reaper gave a sigh that sounded slightly saddened and said:

“Your family loved you, but your parents were very busy with their jobs working as entrepreneurs. That being said, they shouldn’t have left you all alone. They should have done a better job of showing you and Juni love. You have every right to feel what you feel.”

Scarlett hugged her knees close to her chest, somewhat calmed by the Grim Reaper’s words. Nothing too terrible had been told to her, but still…

It didn’t change what happened. It didn’t change what her family did. It didn’t change anything.

But the Grim Reaper knew everything. The Grim Reaper was always right.

Deep down, she felt her heart rest, as though the anxiety from before were starting to subside. It wasn’t completely gone, but it was getting better.

Maybe death made everything better.

Chapter Nineteen

“Come now, it’s time for us to go.” The Grim Reaper said, getting up from the log and picking up the scythe. She gestured for the girls to follow them, so they all got up and stood by the figure, following them as though the girls were following the teacher in a school field trip.

Death wasn’t anything like what her parents said it was. It seemed peaceful, it seemed colorful. Scarlett breathed a sigh of relief (what was close to a breath, anyway) as she walked amongst the Grim Reaper.

Scarlett had been holding in her terror, pushing away her worried thoughts, but it all seemed to ebb away.

There was nothing to worry about anymore.

Chapter Twenty

After a while, the Grim Reaper had taken them to a garden of wildflowers under a bright blue sky, the sun shining gently on the plants.

A garden just for them? A garden that smelled of raindrops and had bird chirps trapped in the air, never quite ceasing?

Scarlett and her friends ran free, daring to be happy.

Epilogue

Scarlett and her friends were slightly happier in the garden, but only slightly. It never lasted too long, for they always knew that their families were in Earth, living their lives without them.

And even though the Grim Reaper said that her family loved her, Scarlett still found herself with doubtful thoughts, with questions about her family.

No, she never liked the thoughts. But they came before she could stop them.

At least she had her friends with her. At least she wasn’t entirely alone.

Nothing was fair!

Comments & reviews · 2
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Hi, Eucalyptusjoos here! I recently reviewed a short story of yours and thus got randomly engrossed in reviewing stories instead of the usual poems, so I'm here now!
I like the introductory tone, how you've started it off as a clear warning sign, a sleepover being a suspicious and inadvisable course of action and then the characters directly go out and have one.

"But there is no such thing as “guaranteed”, for life is full of many uncertainties." I like how you've used this to reiterate that no one is truly safe or insulated from the horrors of the world. We will always have a moment of Achillean weakness that can destroy us.

"She never once hung out with her friends outside of school. All of the other kids had sleepovers or parties or something else that was fun.

But that never happened with her. There was never any time. Her parents always had to take Juni and her out somewhere for a family event or for a walk in the local park. They were always “too busy”."

I like the childish resentment you've decided to portray her in.

"“A sleepover? We can have a sleepover at your house? Really? Like watch movies and eat snacks together?” Katherine asked."
Ahh, the girls already see her as the friend who can't have fun because of strict parents. A notion Scarlett is going to try her hardest to dissuade her friends of.

"Mom was facing the short mirror, fussing with her lipstick. Why did she worry so much? It was just lipstick, it looked fine." It's ironical how throughout the story there's a glaringly obvious need for at least one adult to be worried about the safety of Scarlett and her young friends staying all alone in an empty house, but her mom is only worried about her lipstick.

Ohh I'm so worried! You've managed to create this great suspense.



"But no, Katherine wasn’t screaming. She was with Scarlett, Sophia, and Natalia on a unicorn, riding on a rainbow. She wasn’t screaming. She wasn’t crying.

Scarlett heard her other friends scream too. That didn’t make sense to her, since they were all in a pretty sky together. The clouds smelled like cotton candy! Everything was so sparkly and fun!

Yet still, the screams and cries got louder…louder…Scarlett’s heart pounded with dread…no, no…everything was supposed to be perfect…

Scarlett woke up."

I love the interlude of chapter twelve. That arresting dreamscape that moulds your surroundings to fit in the confines of you mind is just amazing.

"Right before her very eyes, Scarlett saw a hulking gray monster with bright red eyes eating Katherine. Blood spilled out of its dirtied fangs and onto Katherine’s sleeping bag.

The moon was the only source of light, giving the creature an even more sinister aura, like a being that mocked angels with their heavenly glow.

On either side of her, Scarlett could see Sophia and Natalia with their innards stripped open, their eyes wide with tears."

Ohh I love the gruesome, descriptive imagery you've used. Even the little details like the moon's glow tie it all together really well.

"Scarlett could see a faint tint of red in her own eyes, too, but maybe she’d figure that out soon." Instead of faint tinge in, it could be replaced with "Scarlett could see through a faint tinge of red in he rown eyes, too,"

"Strangely, it sounded like the lull of soft, classical music that her parents listened to on the radio, the music that would put Scarlett into a calm sleep."
I like how you've compared the harbinger of death's voice tot eh music her parents play. In a way, their own ignorance and deliberate neglect of ensuring Scarlett's safety and ability was the main reason she and her poor friends died.

"“Why didn’t my family spend more time with me?” Scarlett asked, trying to keep the tears down.

The Grim Reaper gave a sigh that sounded slightly saddened and said:

“Your family loved you, but your parents were very busy with their jobs working as entrepreneurs. That being said, they shouldn’t have left you all alone. They should have done a better job of showing you and Juni love. You have every right to feel what you feel.” "

Aww, poor girl. I'm happy that the grim reaper at least gave her some that it wasn't her fault at all and she didn't deserve the way her parents treated her.

Huh, that epilogue was genuinely horrible. It's sad to see that we can't get peace even after death. How unfortunate for such young, innocent children.

Nice work!<33333

User avatar
deleted48
Review

hey again!

so I've picked up that Scarlett’s very young, and she has very ordinary concerns like worrying about snacks, movies, being "cool," Juni going to a party, whether she can lock the door correctly, so on. I like how all of that feels small, but not trivial, and it's definitely suitable for a younger child to think about. For Scarlett, those are the limits of her world -> when the monster appears, the story becomes this violation of childhood logic, which is a really solid premise for horror. She did what she was told, she stayed inside, locked the door, and it still wasn’t enough. I did enjoy what that says about childhood / wonder!

Though, I do think the opening chapters stretch the setup longer than necessary. The repeated emphasis on the parents leaving, Juni leaving, the house being safe, and Scarlett worrying DOES build dread, but it explains the danger too directly. Maybe you can consider how else can you say those things?

I mean, the introduction especially tells the reader that something terrible will happen, which immediately reduces some suspense. I’d consider letting the sleepover begin more innocently and allowing the unease to creep in through details: the door, the silence of the house, something with the absence of the house. Those are all really strong ideas to motivate more thrill - the story is scarier when allows people to feel the doom approaching. it's how much dread you can get out of a locked door when the child is the only one responsible for it!

Lastly, the actual death sequence is intense, especially because Scarlett first hears screams inside a happy dream before waking into horror. That transition is one of the most effective moments, to me. Though, once the violence starts, the description becomes very graphic very quickly, and the gore overpowers the tragedy. Honestly, I would pull back and focus more on Scarlett’s perception; what does she feel? confusion, pain, disbelief, the sense that adults were wrong?

^ The afterlife chapters are interesting because they turn the story from horror into something more alike a grief story. The Grim Reaper as a calm, teacher-like figure is a strong image (and I've always felt drawn to it), but the explanation about the monster being created by an "evil carnival woman" feels dropped in from another story. Since I do not know that context here, it kinda distracts from Scarlett’s emotional arc -> is she from a carnival? does she have carnival ties that aren't explored in this introduction story? That's an interesting turn of events!

My main revision advice would be to tighten the early chapters, make the parents feel less cartoonishly neglectful, and let the horror emerge from Scarlett’s trust being slowly eroded. I'd really like to see more of Scarlett as well, especially with the little hints about her life throughout.

Anyways, nicely done!

best,
cocteau

Thx for reading and I%u2019m glad you enjoyed!



Be happy, my friend; and if you obey me in this one request, remain satisfied that nothing on earth will have the power to interrupt my tranquility.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein