*This fanfic is underneath my forum titled “Are you afraid of the dark? (Season 1 2019 fanfics).” Gacha Club character designs are under my forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=975 . Anyway, I hope you enjoy and Scary Creepmas! The Walsh family are my OCs!*
Marcus sat in the hallway, playing with his coin. Christmas had come at the Walsh mansion. The family was in the living room, opening presents. Bart was reading a book in another room. Marcus tried talking to him, but Bart just told him to go away.
So Marcus played with the only thing his father gave him. When he was little, he used to sit on his mother’s lap while his father gave out the presents. Snow fell gently outside.
That was when his parents were alive.
He wouldn’t get any presents from the Walsh family. He and Bart would just get more work. They would make the food, clean up after. More work. More work. It never ended. His hands were weary, aging away. The sounds of laughter filled his ears, but Marcus wasn’t there. He was in the background, faded away.
“Marcus.”
Marcus looked up. Ruth was standing in front of him, holding a small, wrapped up package in her hands.
“It’s for you.” She said, handing it to him.
Marcus took the box from her and opened it up slowly, carefully.
It was a black jewelry box. Marcus opened the box, which had nothing inside it.
“You can put your coin inside the box. I thought that if you wanted to protect it better, you could put it in the box.”
She didn’t just thoughtlessly get him a box. It was the simple purpose of storing his beloved coin, his glittering coin.
Ruth cared.
“Thank you.” Marcus said.
“You’re welcome.” Ruth smiled.
She curtseyed and then left.
But she would be back for the night, to talk to him. She always did. Marcus just thought that she was bored and only wanted something to pass the time, but she got him a present. Ruth noticed him. Ruth loved him. Betsy was nice enough, Bart was good, but both were far off, in their own worlds.
Besides, they were older than him. Ruth was twelve, like Marcus.
He wasn’t alone.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Alright, let’s look at the two stories left in this folder :3 For Violet Victory!
“Marcus tried talking to him, but Bart just told him to go away.” I mean, Bart is reading so… yeah, do not disturb the reading time XD
Aww the Walsh family is so heartless to not even give them a day of at Christmas?
Yeah I am still sad about the dialogue formatting. I cannot unsee it.
That is a very cute story otherwise. That they don’t get a day off at all is still horrible exploitation but at least Ruth is nice and thoughtful ^^
Also why is it important that you mention Betsy’s name in this chapter?
Betsy was mentioned in this earlier fanfic I posted: Waiting is not fun, but good things come to those who wait…right??
Thx for reading!
creeper. I know. My point is: What is she doing here when she is not relevant FOR THIS PLOT. It feels like you're not listening to what I'm saying.
He%u2019s mentioning how he feels about different people but that he feels something more with Ruth. He%u2019s going to marry Ruth in the future.
Hiya! Sorry it took a while, but hey, it's still the weekend for me xD (barely). This was a very sweet piece! Alright, jumping right into the review...
I think this would be a great place to add some detail, perhaps about the coin's physical appearance as he plays with it (does he keep it clean? is it worn down from his fiddling with it?), or any feelings Marcus attaches to the coin right now.
Poor Marcus...
I like these lines. The sense of his hands "aging away" brings with it all the melancholy associated with aging, and instead of him growing stronger, it feels like he's getting weaker. :'( Same with the phrase "faded away". I do wonder if one of the "away"s could be replaced with something else to not have that repetition, but I suppose both phrases do make sense.
Awwww :'D This hit hard for me. A single thoughtful action can mean so much. Just the knowing that someone cares, that someone paid attention... It's the perfect thing for Marcus at this moment.
I would love to know what his expression looks like as he says that! Is he shy? Is he earnest? On the brink of tears? Stunned?
<3
Thank you for sharing this lovely piece, and keep writing!
You%u2019re welcome! Thanks for your suggestions!