*This story is underneath my folder titled “The clowns of the neighborhood”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1410. Enjoy!*
“What are you doing?” A voice asked.
Amias looked up from the ground. His action figurines lay on the driveway beside him. Every day, after he did his homework, he went outside to play with toys. Amias could have played inside, but he liked being with the fresh air and sunlight.
A boy around his age looked down at him. He had blue eyes that twinkled with curiosity, and brown hair that tumbled and curled around him.
“I’m just playing with my toys. You can join if you want.” Amias said.
He saw other kids at school with their friends, with people they played with. Everyone had their own friends, he didn’t want to bother them. He tried coming up to people by himself before, but words got all jumbled in his throat, and he left before he could even speak to them.
“What’s your name? I’m Jace.” The boy said, sitting across from him on the ground.
“I’m Amias, it’s nice to meet you.” Amias said with a smile.
“You too.” Jace replied.
No more being alone, for he had someone to play with!
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138,362 Literary Works • 672,109 Reviews
Ohh I should have read this before the other chapter, oops!
So here we learn about how Amias and Jace became friends, that’s adorable!
I’m genuinely so scared for what will happen in this story because it’s so wholesome so far.
Nice, good to open straight into some speech and throw us into the scene. The a should be lowercase though!
Wow what a beautiful description! maybe write some more about what he is wearing?
Aw poor Amias. I like this detail about him, it really rounds out his character to more than just a kid who likes to play.
Okay this is genuinely too wholesome now. I’m scared … XD
Maybe you could leave some hints and foreshadowing through the wholesome bits?
Other than that, another lovely little short piece.
And we are continuing with this story~
Like, they would say WHAT they are playing with their toys, and not just THAT they are doing it 😊You know there is something very special in having wrong dialogue formatting right in the first sentence :/
I feel like here your writing style shines, when you show things from the perspective of a child. The repetitive phrasing and simpler wording really fits, especially when you describe Jace!
That said, I feel like a child would be more specific and less general here:
That is a very sweet encounter :3
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