Evan at the clown neighborhood

Hey creeperfeverdreams! Alex is back with another review. This series was quite short, so thought to finish it in one go. Let's dive right in!

I'll start with this story's biggest flaw yet characteristic quality- the plot. It seems stuck, with both these chapters and the Halloween tales introduced being no different from each other in terms of timeline. There's no flow, it's like I'm reading in circles. While it's not an easy feat to pull off, I can't help but find it slightly agitating. I very much prefer stories that move and are not as static as this one. The reader is left with the uncertainty of what happens after the clown's have captured the protagonists. It's like viewing a same picture from different angles. Our understanding of the whole picture deepens but we don't get the sense of where the story is headed.

there was a clown washing a car and a clown mowing a lawn

Ah, you fixed it here! A pleasant observation, to say the least.

so as not to disturb the clowns

And to think Evan went there to debunk them.. It seems he's grown anxious when it came down to doing it.

Perhaps Desdemona was worrying far too much.

Lol, why does it sound like Evan is convincing himself here? Such ingenious writing on your part. It really adds a layer of silly cowardice to his character, afterall he's a mere kid at the end of the day.

lunged forward with their claws and teeth

The same text and yet you manage to come up with new descriptions. Very impressive!

There was nowhere for them to run.

A hopeless end.. It's grim, in your infamous style.

Overall, this was a unique lens for the scene we've already before. It's fresh despite the plot being repetitive. The narration adds to the character's complexity. Without so much as a single mention expect the title, the reader can tell this chapter is from Evan's perspective. It really shows how differently both the kids approach situation. Kudos, you've done effortlessly well in this series. Still, I do believe it could've turned out better if the plot was more flowing and continuous, instead to rotating around the same scene.

Had fun reviewing, happy writing. Until the next review!

Love, Alex

This is a really fascinating bit of absurdism! It reminds me a little of those "two sentence horror stories" you see online, but executed far more thoughtfully. The lack of detail is a strength and gives it that dream-like quality you were going for. Let's break it down, line by line.

Out in the neighborhood, there was a clown washing a car and a clown mowing a lawn.

This line is the linchpin, the setup to the punchline. There are clowns, and they're doing normal people things. We don't get an explanation or any further context, and I think that works really well. If we had a whole backstory for how the clowns got there, it would undercut the absurdity of it; the uncertainty is what makes the whole thing unnerving. However, though it's true that I like the lack of detail/information to a certain extent, I do think you could build on it a little. Are there only two clowns? Could there be more? Little kid clowns playing basketball, a clown pulling weeds, a nosy-old clown woman peering from her window, a clown reading on their porch. You can get really creative with it, and it'll heighten the absurdity further.

Evan and Desdemona stayed close, so as not to disturb the clowns. Perhaps they weren’t all that bad. Perhaps Desdemona was worrying far too much.

Then, the clowns turned towards the both of them, and lunged forward with their claws and teeth.

I honestly can't explain it, but I genuinely love these two lines. The first one encourages you to take a breath, to relax. Yeah, sure, they're killer clowns, but look at them! They're doing normal people things! They don't mean any harm! Then, BAM, they turn around and eat the two kids. It's horrifying and comedic, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't adore it. Again, the lack of detail does do it a lot of favors; however, I'd love to see you draw out that moment of relief. Let Evan and Desdemona really feel safe. You can show this to us through their physicality and still keep it short and snappy.

(For examples of showing us this information through physicality, maybe the knot in their shoulders loosen, or the creases leave their brows. Maybe they exhale softly or take a couple cautious steps forward. The world is your oyster!)

There was nowhere for them to run.

While I do like this line, it does feel a little inaccurate to me. It sounds like the two of them were keeping their distance from the clowns, and if they're in a suburban neighborhood (which was what I was picturing, though perhaps not what you were intending) there are plenty of places for them to run, if not necessarily escape.

As a whole, I do believe this piece thrives on the lack of detail. But I do stand behind the idea that some places could be more fleshed out while maintaining that fantastic bit of absurdity.

I thoroughly enjoyed this. It marries together horror and comedy in a really creative, really fun way. It's got a nice flow, a dreamlike quality, to it. A great example of flash-fiction.

As always, keep writing, and have a great day!