I don't think you understand how hard it is for me to have true feelings for someone. I think you think that I'm just a silly girl, a newcomer to the world of love. You have no idea what I've been through before I met you. You aren't the only one. You're just a boy who's stumbled in and suddenly wants to mean everything to me. It's not that simple anymore.
Do you understand the concept of something being broken? It's familiar to me, because I've known it first-hand. My heart has been shattered into a million pieces by someone who wasn't you. It's difficult to look at your own heart and comprehend that it will never be the same as it used to be. I've had to do that. Somehow, I don't think you have.
You see, the thing about broken hearts is that they're never the same once they've finally healed. There are always odds and ends that can't find their places, jagged edges that ache when something reminds you of who created them. Sure, some days it feels like your heart is whole again, and the empty spaces are filled with light and smiles. The sad thing is, the sun will always set. Then, you find yourself wide awake in the middle of the night, tears streaming from your eyes and onto your pillow as you stare out into the dark.
Love isn't simple, not for me. Once you've loved and lost, you can't love the same. You always find yourself in a perpetual state of distrust and wondering, asking yourself over and over if the person who has his arm around you is really worth the pain that is sure to come. It's a horrible thing. But that's the thing about broken hearts. They'll never disappear.
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139,268 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
So, I think this could use more. Detail, Imagery, metaphors, all those literary terms you learn in English class. Make us feel your heart. I do, but most likely it's only because I know what you are talking about and I've felt what you were describing. But I honsetly think you could make this more. Let your readers feel what you feel. the "jagged edges" was good, but after saying that, find a way to make the readers feel the edges cutting against your skin. I hope that helped. It was a good piece, and with some added detail it can easily be improved. Keep Writing!!
From the work description, I think that this was more for blowing off steam than writing something creative. Which isn't bad. I mean, everyone needs to blow off some steam every once and a while.
On the other hand, if you're going to blow off steam, why not do it in a creative way? Rather than venting that extra energy, focus it to craft something. I can see this being used to write a break up scene, with this dialog being used either in a conversation or a letter. All you would need to do is introduce a character and a setting then you can go wild.
By itself, the piece doesn't work. It's too preachy and sermons in general aren't that interesting. Sermons like become interesting when there is tension. The sort of tension that comes when a couple is breaking apart. No characters means there is no tension.
So, please expand it.