• Home

Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

Time & Space (Part 1)

by cookiesandcream123

When I was twelve, I discovered my ability to stop time. Somehow, it never occurred to me that a certain other person in the family would have those powers, too.

I’d watched my parents for a long while -- it didn’t seem like they had powers like I did. Even my cousins, who visited once in a while, displayed no signs of it. So, I figured I was alone.

I kept the powers a secret, and used it only when necessary. Whether it was to freeze time so I wouldn’t be late to school, or to have infinite time to search for…whatever my parents had lost, minutes before we had to go out and use it.

I knew I had to control my magic responsibly. It was difficult, but I’d managed to. ...Well, for the most part.

One morning, after I turned fifteen, I strolled through the city and froze time. There was no real purpose behind it; I just did it for fun.

Everything had a special look to it when I stole away the influence of time. The crowds all stopped in their tracks. Their faces were still, and those who were in the midst of running or jumping stayed there, silent laughter radiating from happy expressions.

As I moved past them, it felt like I was walking through a magical, underwater museum. Shop signs, motionless and propped against the stores along the street. Automobiles visible amongst the mayhem that had stopped.

And weirdest of all, the entire world was shaded in nostalgic, sepia undertones. The color reminded me of old, yellowed photos from my family album.

I wove seamlessly through the crowd. No one else was moving – it was just me, alone and taking my time.

Or at least, until I reached an intersection and looked across the street.

That was when I noticed movement. A flash of magenta cloth, like the sleeve of someone’s shirt.


What was that? I glanced back and forth, surveying the world around me. It was still frozen. Nothing had as much color and saturation as the pink I’d just saw.

I blinked, looking back in the movement’s direction, then broke into a run. I didn’t even dare to blink again; my curiosity was too great for me to close my eyes.

Had someone broken free from my spell?

I’d never seen anyone do that before – was it really possible?

Just when I thought I’d lost them, my feet propelled me around the next corner and I almost collided into someone else. My heart leapt. I jerked back at the last moment, half-expecting it to be another person frozen in time.

But instead, I came face-to-face with a familiar, young lady. She was wearing the same pink I’d witnessed earlier.

Her hair was a shade of chestnut brown, rippling down her back in waves. She almost looked like me, except her clothes were fancier. A silver purse hung from her shoulder, and she wore a denim jacket over her magenta shirt. The jacket was a deep navy, embroidered with red and blue flowers.

Compared to everything else, it was like she wore a whole spectrum of color.

And now, she was looking at me, her eyes wide with shock.

A wave of memories swallowed me whole as I recognized who she was.

I didn’t feel empty, or lost, or detached from my body. Instead, I almost felt fuller and more aware than I was before – my mind an inadequate shell to keep the emotions inside.


Just like how this one person in front of me – a tiny speck compared to the rest of the time-frozen world – had the most color and impact of all.

I distantly heard her cry of surprise as she lifted one hand to cover her mouth.

Lina… it can’t be. Is this all a dream?


Many years ago, my family was more complete; Lina had been there.

We were close sisters growing up. Racing over our grassy yard, playing hide-and-seek in our house’s many rooms – and sometimes arguing, forcing one sister to stand outside a shut door and shout into the room where the other sibling hid, pettily, refusing to come out. There were ups-and-downs, but we were always there for each other.

All was well, until she entered 8th grade. Our aunt and uncle spoke about their plans of moving to Singapore – and Lina decided to come along.

I never understood why, but she’d wanted to. She said she could take care of herself and wanted to study in Singapore.

We thought it was temporary, so upon her insistence, my parents let her go. But the years passed, and after a while, she cut contact with us. She didn’t want to return to France, and the last time we checked, Lina had moved out of our aunt and uncle’s house, too. She wouldn’t listen to anybody.

So why, after so many years, is she right here in front of me?

My mouth was open, yet I couldn’t speak. I felt time-frozen like everyone else.

A selfish thought resonated through my head: “Don’t I have every right to be angry at her? After all, she was the one who decided she didn’t need us. There’s no need to acknowledge h–”

Yet before I knew it, words had slipped from my mouth. They sounded excited and hopeful, even though the name they said hadn’t been spoken in years –

“Lina! Is that really you?!” Taking a step forward, I tentatively held on to her sleeve. The material was solid beneath my fingers. She was real. Not a dream.

Yet her expression, which had flickered with surprise and disbelief, was worried as I approached. Almost as if she wanted to run.

But I didn’t think much of it.

“Sis, where have you been all this time?” A happiness swelled inside me, even though I was fighting back tears.

Lina stammered for words, then replied, “I-I came back with aunt and uncle. Just a couple days ago.”

“A couple days ago?” My parents were busy, so maybe they hadn’t called aunt and uncle. “Oh…”

Then I remembered the time spell. With a gasp, I tried to explain.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but right now, the world is-”

“Is it frozen under your powers, Sarah?” she interrupted, dread in her voice. “Is the spell yours?”

I was taken aback. “How do you know?” And how was she able to move?

The anxiety in her eyes scared me. Eventually, though, all she said next was a calm confession: “I have similar powers, too. Only, instead of freezing time, I can slow or speed it up.”

“Y-you have powers, too?” While I stared at her in astonishment, she suddenly half-turned away.

“I’m sorry, Sarah. I shouldn’t be here.” A final sentence loitered on the tip of her tongue: “I should go.”

“No, wait!” I clung to her purse before she could say it, holding her back. “Listen to me! You can’t just get up and disappear again – not after you've been gone all these years. Just stay and tell me everything. It’s the least you could do!”

My anger was beginning to catch up. Lina seemed hesitant, but I knew my words were winning her over.

She would have to be heartless to leave again.

Is this a review?



User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 739
Reviews: 7

Mon Mar 27, 2023 5:32 pm
View Likes
SkyJayde wrote a review...

Heyo! I’m gonna review your piece.

First off, wonderful story. The beginning reels in the reader. Welcoming them to the fantasy realm I would say.

Second, I think it would be nice to have at least a small explanation of how she/he got their powers. Since it appears that their sister has a similar ability. Personally, I’d also like just a little more backstory on either the parents of Lina. Just to help understand the main character a little more. For instance, why did the main character hide their power from their family? What was Lina’s motivation to leave with her aunt and uncle? Maybe add a few more sentences just for a bit more context.

Third, I wish you continued on this sentence “but I’d managed to… Well, for the most part.” when you cut it off after “to” then move on to say “ Well, for the most part.” it leaves me wondering if that sentence was supposed to be there.

Overall, great story. It keeps me wanting more. It really has the potential of growing into a bigger story should you choose to continue it.


cookiesandcream123 says...

Thanks Sky!!

And yeah, you're right about the third thing. I meant for it to be the end of a sentence after "managed to", and then "well, for the most part" was a new sentence, but I probably should've made that clearer. ;-;
As for how Sarah (the narrator) got her powers and why she hides them... tbh, I never figured that out XDD You've discovered the plot holes D:

Lina's motive is a mystery to Sarah for now! I have the next few parts finished but not edited. X_X (Also, look at us talking like we've never chatted before lolol)

SkyJayde says...

(XD I know) I apologize if those plot holes were meant to be hidden. I like how Lina%u2019s motive is a mystery! Keeps me wanting to know more!

cookiesandcream123 says...

Yay, thxs! :D And haii

User avatar
11 Reviews

Points: 198
Reviews: 11

Mon Mar 20, 2023 8:08 pm
Rinisha wrote a review...


I'm very happy to leave you a review!

First of all: I'm blown away by your story! It's just wow, awesome and amazing squished in one.

Your writing style is also very nice and diligent. It's easy-readable and you also add that little twist of complexity in it. I love your writing, because it's engaging and keeps readers (as me) hooked.

It was very bold to describe the setting the way you did: writing about the street, the people their faces.

I really liked the way you described your characters also. And the fact that you made her long lost sister return was a very on point.

You absolutely nailed the ending sentence:
"She would have to be heartless to leave again."

I would say, perfect ending. It was so satisfying and well-thought.

I think this plot fits perfectly because of how well you’ve wrote the story. You make it seem so effortless, but I know you must have put a lot of hard work in this and maybe also endless hours writing. Because you seem to use the right words at the right time, it's just Amazing. Your writing is very unique and precise.

I really enjoyed reading this story. I surely want to read more of you and the rest of this story. Keep up the great work!

If you could also read & review one of my works, that would be awesome: 'MaryAnna" or 'In the elevator"

PS: Love the username (cookiesandcream123) ;-)

- Rinisha

cookiesandcream123 says...

Hi, and tysm! And sure thing, I'll keep that in mind!

User avatar
84 Reviews

Points: 241
Reviews: 84

Sun Mar 12, 2023 11:11 pm
View Likes
foxmaster wrote a review...

Hello! This is Foxmaster here for a review!
This was really interesting! I loved it! First of all, the powers sound really cool. The characters are definitely likeable, although what I would do is describe on Sarah's relationship with Lina so then we understand what was happening a bit more. Maybe you could do, for example:

Some time ago...

five years later...

to show what happened a bit more and we all go: "GASP!" I am excited to continue this and you should definitely write part-two. The description at the end, and the cliffhanger made me wanting for more. It is also cool how her powers don't work on her sister.

That is all! I really enjoyed this and you should continue this! Also, could you please review my work?

Thank you!

cookiesandcream123 says...

Yay, thanks for the feedback! And alright, I will do that when I have the time. Is there a specific work you want me to review?

User avatar

Points: 109
Reviews: 2

Sun Mar 12, 2023 9:49 am
View Likes
Azathoth wrote a review...

Hello. I may not be a genius when it comes to writing but I would still love to give you a review for your great story, or this part of it at least. Anyway, here's my review:

First of all, the introduction to the story is very well done. It hooks the reader instantly and makes them curious immediately. As they are reading through the beginning sentences a million questions are firing off in their brain, encouraging them to read further. This also carries on throughout the story. The more questions are answered the more questions come up. The reader becomes curious about not only the powers of the protagonist but also the protagonist themself and the world that they live in. This creates a sense of curiosity and mystery throughout the story.

The characters themselves are complex and fleshed out very well for part 1 of hopefully several. For the most part, they seem like actual people who have their own motivations and not just plot points, which is a problem that I have found in many movies, books and other media. Your characters are complex but they also have mysteries and things that are left vague which brings me back to my earlier point about how you have captured the readers' attention and it has kept them wanting to read more to figure out the answers to the many questions that they have.

The protagonists' power itself is very interesting and you handled it very well. One of the highlights of the story was the description of the crowd frozen in time. It gave a distinct tone and atmosphere to the piece, especially the comparison to "a magical, underwater museum." One of my favourite parts of the story was the shade of colour over the top of everything that was frozen in time. It was easy to imagine and gave the power a unique twist. Lina still having her colour because she was not being affected by the spell was great and it added to the feeling that something was off.

Your writing style is unique and I deeply enjoyed how it makes the reader feel as though they are peering into the mind of the protagonist and seeing what they are thinking.

Overall, very good work. I had fun reading it and I hope you continue to write, if it be a continuation of this story or something else.

cookiesandcream123 says...

Thank you so much for the detailed review!

“Can a magician kill a man by magic?” Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. “I suppose a magician might,” he admitted, “but a gentleman never could.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell