“I know,” she said softly. “There’s a chance I won’t survive this. But it has to be done.”
/\/\/\/\/\
The words rang in my ears. Even so, my mind couldn’t fully understand them – not until it was already too late.
Lina abruptly turned away from me, avoiding my eyes, and stepped closer to the entrance of the alley. She braced her hand against the wall. Vaguely, I could see her look up at the clock tower far away…
Her magic pulsed through our surroundings. It grew and spread, like ripples of sound waves from a clock being winded. And with it, a message of goodbye.
“Lina,” I sobbed, my voice breaking. The cries of the monsters turned shrill. I could hear the nearest ones turn around and lunge towards us, only to fall apart, meters away, as time resumed. Whatever barrier Lina mentioned must’ve revived around Earth, killing the shadow creatures inside.
Faster and faster time flowed – tick, tick, tick. I could finally see now; my blindfold of shadows had crumbled away.
Lina was there, staring up at the clock tower. Once my spell finally gave away, the colors of the world gushed back, and the tension loosened from her shoulders.
The clock struck. A small smile bloomed on my sister’s face.
“Look. I can finally hear the bells toll at a normal pace again,” she said quietly in surprise. Tears rose to her eyes as her voice broke. “Who would’ve thought…?”
“No, Lina!” I dashed forward and grabbed her hand – or thought that I had – but her hand quickly slipped from mine. Sunlight shone through her translucent form, and I let out a cry.
“I’m sorry I hid so much from you,” Lina said, the tears falling from her eyes. In that split second, all the fears and regrets she’d been holding back seemed to resurface. “If there’s ever a second chance, I promise – it won’t end like this.”
Long after that day, I would think back to her words, again and again. I wondered if she regretted coming back. I wondered if, had we gone back to the day I’d seen her again, she would’ve rather slipped away.
Because if we never reunited, this wouldn’t have happened. She never would’ve had to speed up time and let the curse overtake her, just because of my foolish mistake.
Still, eventually, I wanted to believe Lina didn’t regret coming back.
We both made the fatal mistake of not trusting each other, and instead, trusting the wrong person or our own fears. But maybe, during our brief moments of peace, Lina was happier than she would’ve been all alone in another place.
That was what I tried to tell myself, after I woke up in a hospital with my parents there beside me. I’d wept in their arms and told them they were too late. That Lina wasn’t coming back. Then I explained to them – everything. Even though I knew they were unlikely to believe me, and that there was nothing they could do.
Ever since that day, I stopped using my time powers too. I just couldn’t even think about it anymore.
Some days after school, I would walk home and stop by the park where we used to meet. Lina did not have a grave, nor anything that proved her death. It was like she’d just vanished away. So I would leave a flower by the tree we used to sit under and watch it lay amid the grass, undulating in the breeze.
Maybe, in some other time and space, things could’ve been different.
Maybe if we just had a second chance, we would have a happier ending. I wanted to believe we’d learned our lesson.
I sniffled as a breeze rose up, gently playing with the leaves and grass. And I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes.
After all… you promised that, didn’t you, Lina?
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Back to finish this off.
Wow. I didn't expect this to punch as hard as it did. I knew Lina was likely going to die to sacrifice herself for the good of Earth. But Sarah's ponderings and survivor guilt hit pretty hard for how little time we've spent with the characters. You have to feel for her, losing the only person who even would believe her or know that she had powers. And add on top of that the fact that it was her sister, and that she WATCHED her die, AND that she can't use her powers anymore because of the risk it poses.
I suppose the one thing I don't understand in all of this is why Lina came back. Was she looking for a cure? Was it supposed to be a real goodbye to Sarah, instead of just disappearing like she had originally?
All in all, this was a nice short story with some fun concepts of time travel and magic, with a sneaky little villain and a pretty good emotional relationship between siblings. Thanks for posting!
Overall thoughts: I think you have a good command of your keyboard already. Your dialogue is pretty smooth. Your prose is fairly detailed without becoming muddy with too much explanation, but not so bare that we're left with "white-room" syndrome. Please keep writing, and reach out if you ever want to talk or have questions! I look forward to seeing more work from you
~Messy
This is the alpaca and I just want to say one thing before I start this review.
NOOOOOOOOOO WHYYYYY DIS SO SADDD
Okay, I've let out my emotions. On to the review!
I already had a feeling you'd kill her off. It felt sad when you did though.
NOOO, but wait, why did she slip into a translucent form. This needs more answers! But this is so sad
I would have wanted to heard at least the protagonist saying "I love you" to her sister or something more dramatic. It would really add to the emotional impact
This last part sounds promising in a sense that it teases us and makes us want for a redeeming arch for our dear protagonist. Perhaps one day she'll be able to do something that would decrease her guilt over this matter.
Overall, this is a heartbreaking ending. It did feel a bit rushed, but it helps contribute to how events happen faster than we want them to. Sometimes, there's just no time for goodbyes (wait that sounds like a good starting line for a poem). This would be a great segue though if you think of writing a novel in the future about this. Like the protagonist is forced to use her powers again and has to deal with the guilt and trauma she tried to bury for so many years. You get my point.
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
Heya, alpacaboss! Thanks for reading leaving a review!
I'm glad that Lina's death was a bit sad. I was afraid that it's kind of a cliche ending, but... I liked the angst, so I stuck with it XD.
Hmm, yeah, that makes sense. Yes, probably an "I love you" or an "I'm sorry" would make it more depressing... hehe *evil laugh nod* Thxs again!
Hiya! This is Orabella, here to cry. (Oops, I mean review. I think. Or is it cry? Because this is beautifully sad.)
It's the end! I don't know how I feel about that. I'm so glad you powered through and finished. But I'm also sad that this is (kinda) the end.
While writing this, I have not yet read your extra story, so I wonder if maybe they will get a second chance? I mean, both their powers deal with time. Maybe there's an undiscovered person or power who can reverse time? Of course, that undoes the whole entire story, so...
I'm just crying over Lina right now. Is Lina really gone? Or is there a way to get her back? It seems it could go either way, but each isn't confirmed. Or denied, for that matter.
Your writing style is awesome and hooking, put I think the pace was a touch too fast. Even though you're literally speeding up time here, slow down the narrative a little, so we see what a sacrifice Lina is making here.
I love that, in the end, you link the story back to the title. Now the reader finally understands it, and it's so powerful and thought provoking to do this. It helps the reader reflect on what's happened so it's easier to wrap it up.
Thanks for writing this! It's truly a delightful (and tragic) story, and I can't wait to read more from you!...
...when I get around to it.
Remember, take what you like, and leave the rest.
Keep writing!
Hii, OrabellaAvenue!
Thanks for reading and leaving a review again! Your encouragement helps a lot. And yea, I'm also glad I managed to get through this story... whew. (*me having had such a hard time even though it's only 5 parts lol :') *)
Tbh, my inspiration ended after the extra 2 parts, so I also don't know if Lina could be saved or not. That'd probably be part of a story I'd never write. But, while writing this ending, I did wish for there to be a way to save her