Inescapable

by constantia

  • Poetry
  • Realistic · Dramatic

Published February 10, 2013

12+ Violence

In Poetry

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A/N: If this poem is too obscure for comprehension or fails to convey the meaning I'm hoping for, then I just quit forever. Haha
But in all seriousness... Not for the young'uns. Also, possible trigger warning.

---

and when the attacks come,
the breathing slows but
the heart rate picks up,
my hands shake as
eyelids shut tightly,
and yet, vivid images still play,
relentlessly burning
against the eye’s shades.
then a weight cages my chest,
as thick, sharp, pulsing pain radiates out
from below,
from his every touch,
his every tender, sadistic touch.

and just before the panic recedes,
finally recedes,
just before reliving the past
reverts to manageable memory,
his ragged breath scratches against my ear
“shh, it’s okay,” he says—
tattooing himself unwarrantedly
to every dark corner of my mind,
to every nerve ending beneath tattered
but unbroken skin,
“it’s our little secret, okay?”
Inescapable grip.
Inescapable.
Inescapable.
“shh, shh,” he says. “it’s okay.”
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Prometheus Review
Prometheus wrote a review Review · Feb 10, 2013

Why 'ello there,

So, I cant speak for others, but I sure hope this isn't one of your last poems, because I loved it. there were a few things I could nit-pick but I'll get there in a second. I loved the imagery and the fact that even though you pick on the feelings put out through it as.... "bad" you still want to keep reading. not gonna lie i literally shivered as i read the line "his every tender, sadistic touch."

nit pick time.. not sure why you started both your stanzas with 'and' it tends to throw off the rhyme scheme and sounds awkward when said aloud. you used some words more than seemed warranted, like 'recedes'. on the other hand i think the use of 'inescapable' worked very well into the poem and tied the title back into it beautifully.

Tchuss'
Prometheus

User avatar
dogs
Review
dogs wrote a review Review · Feb 10, 2013

Howdy doo Gummy! Dogs here with your review. And yes, your topic is clear as day, I'd quit also if they're people who don't get this. Great poem topic, it has a lot of potential for excellent imagery and it can make the reader so uncomfortable reading it sometimes, but they don't want to stop because it's so well written. Lets dive in now shall we?

Ok, you have a weak start to his poem because you should almost never ever eeevvveeerr start anything with "and." It's not a strong starting point because it looks sloppy and it breaks up the rhythm right off the bat. So just cut that word out.

"his ever tender sadistic touch"

Oooooo wonderful line, I just love the sound of that. Well i mean... I don't because it's describing something not very pleasant.. but it just sounds so awesome. Well done there.

agghhhh you do it again! Start a stanza off with "and," you shouldn't start a sentence with "and" regardless, if you read it aloud to yourself it just sounds odd. Again cut it out I'd suggest.

"finally recedes"

You say "recedes" twice too close in proximity to each other. Either sub one of the words out or just cut one out. Up to you.

Excellent ending there, I love the imagery of his breath cutting against her ear. Fantastic there. Well done, well written piece. I greatly enjoyed reading it. If you ever need a review let me know, keep up the good work!!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032


dogs
dogs replied · Feb 10, 2013

I failed, accidentally hit submit. Wait a second while I complete my review.



For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn