Young Writers Society

Hi gummie!

This is a really breathtaking poem. I love your style, because to make this have a strict scheme, I think, would kind of ruin it. There are a couple little halts in the flow, but they are easily dealt with. Everything else is really great! Purpose, emotion, spelling, etc.

"the sun leaves room for the moon,
and I am left behind
looking up at a starless sky"

This part confused me just a little bit. It's a beautiful metaphor, but I can't understand the exact meaning of 'the sun leaves room for the moon'. Obviously the next two lines show the moment of hurt and loss, but that first line could have several different meanings. Some of them don't make sense...maybe that could be a little more clear, but don't change the metaphor! I like it.

"and for a moment, I do believe
the misconception"

Maybe it's just me, but this has a sort of weird flow. I think it's because the 'I do believe' sounds like it has a different meaning than it is supposed to. I think you probably want the accent on 'do' but since people often use this as a phrase with the accent on 'believe', it can be a little confusing that way. Just a thought.

I could find nothing else to nitpick at. I loved this poem so much! Please give me more.

Blue

Don't take this the wrong way- this feels like a Taylor Swift piece. And that's good! I love Taylor Swift! The poem actually kind of gave me the shivers. I loved it, the language and visual imagery was good. I'm assuming that it's a freestyle piece, because I didn't really feel a sceme in it. It is very good though.

I’m trying so hard to convince myself
and for a moment, I do believe
the misconception
that we’re forever and always <--this confused me just a little. At first I was thinking, forever and always what? Then I realized, you meant a couple.

But then the moment passes,
the wind picks up,
the sun leaves room for the moon,
and I am left behind <--- ouch..... that hurts..... I love it.
looking up at a starless sky
with a memory of someone else—
of a different smile, different eyes,
a different heart.<-- I get it! Like, he changed over time.

And I weep for the pains
drawn by misconception.<--I relate. *hug*
I weep,
for it is the closing of our book,
but now it is time to choose and
begin another. <---you went out with a bang. A real bang.

I really can't wait to read more