Why did you let me go?
Why did you hop into another pit, holding hands with another?
Why can’t you understand? Nor bother to do so?
Maybe it’s because I keep secrets, or bottle it up
But I just want to tell you, Yet it won’t be enough
I see you walk with her, talk to her, and laugh with her
Just like what you had done with me
I hate that you jump so quickly
While I’m still stuck here. Loving you still
I can’t do anything but pretend to smile
Hoping that it will be worthwhile
Before I break into little pieces and try to hold it in for another while
Did the jealousy consume you whole?
Or was I just too blind to see it?
Maybe if we had never met, this whole mess would have never happened
But no, I was too naive
I believed that i could do something
Yet I was wrong
The only thing I could do was hurt myself even more
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
"Why?" It's one of the most painful and surprising questions I know. Why? Because the answer can be unexpected. The answer can make you or break you. It sucks that love can sometimes make people blind and cause people to make the wrong decisions in the end. Don't hurt. The person who hurt you was a fucker. He doesn't seem to feel the awkwardness and pain that you've been through. All the time you were suffering and all he did was slacking off. Don't blame yourself for the mess. Blame yourself because you've seen it, but you didn't notice it. Anyway, move on, be happy, and live on without him. The pain will soon be gone, or if some of it will remain, you'd soon learn about it.
....
I do agree with "why" as being one of the most painful and surprising questions ever, and I also agree that it'll negatively impact you too.
But also, thank you for your kind words friend. I...I appreciate it very much. Being a teenager and all, I think that I can just shake it off and move on but no, the experience from it all keeps lingering on and on. It's not the fact that I'll be able to move on, I dont want to think of that, but I'll just carry it on with me for the rest of my life. Again, I appreciate and thank you for your support, it means so much to me : ' )
Hi user drflapjack here,
I really love the idea of this poem and I truly identified with what was said. It started strong but then I got a little confused when you said "Did the jealousy consume you whole?
Or was I just too blind to see it?"
You haven't talked about jealousy before in the poem so why mention it? How did this person's jealousy make them want to move on from you? Also what were you too blind to see? I would love if you elaborated on this and expanded the thought.
Also when you mention, "
Maybe it’s because I keep secrets, or bottle it up
But I just want to tell you, Yet it won’t be enough"
It leaves me wondering, what do you want to tell?
I feel like it would be better if you expanded on that as well.
Other than that good job!
Hi there drflapjack, I'm glad to see you critiquing on my work, and I'm happy that you enjoyed it!
So far with my poems I usually write them from personal experience, so I apologize if I worded it confusingly. But, I did write this poem with the speaker (in my case, me, I guess) hiding thoughts and feelings from the readers/audience on purpose.
At that time when I mentioned "Did the jealousy consume you whole? Or was I just too blind to see it?" because it was just a drastic thought I had been thinking at the thought, a conclusion, perhaps. For the former lover's jealousy on moving on, I actually had no clue on what happened there, I was in panick and I was just angry at that time so I wrote that down (I apologize. This poem was straight from my personal thoughts at feelings at that moment, I'm so sorry for the confusion!). Though, when I mentioned on "what I was too blind to see", I asked myself if I was too blind to see that they had already moved on from me or that they had lied to me about their feelings, that's what I had meant.
On the last stanza/verse, it's up to you to decide what the speaker felt, maybe they felt jealousy, hurt, or they just wanted to be honest to their former loved one. It's up for you to decide, but personally for me, I just really wanted to be honest to my former loved one.
I apologize for the very long paragraph(s?), but this is the best I can do for explaining my confusing poems! And thank you for the compliment, keep on writing too, friendo!
Hell there just here to do a small review.
So this is a poem about love. Well it's interesting and somewhat unique, most love poems normally talk about being in a relationship or missing their lover because he has either left to go somewhere or died in an accident. But this one seems to be about jealousy and wanting a person back. And the fact that the woman was the one who was apparently let go is kind of new to my standard. I like how you listed the girls faults and wasn't exactly blaming the guy to much for his decision. One thing that I found a bit odd was the placement of grammar (does that make sense?). The amount of periods in this poem was really lacking, I counted one period, the commas were there and so were the question marks but only one period seems a bit odd. Also the one line -'Why did you hop into another pit' that doesn't sound very nice to experience at all. I understand that the girl wouldn't like the fact that her former man is with another but describing it as jumping into pit doesn't seem applicable with life. Then again my love life isn't extremely prevalent so I wouldn't know if it would feel like jumping into a pit.
Other then that it was a good read. Keep writing.
Hi there, and thank you so much for posting a review and critique, it means so much to me!
I never realized it that the poem sounded like the girl is letting go of her former love and that she/he/them wants them back. Though I never intended it to be this way surprisingly, I was going through a difficult time with my "love life" and writing it out in this fashion was the only way I could relate, so I apologize if it sounds confusing. Also, I'll keep the grammar check in my head from now on.
Other than that, I'm glad that you enjoyed my poem and thank you for the review/critique, I greatly appreciate it! You keep writing too, friend!
this is a nice piece.everybody can surely relate to that experience.i love the context but the title though,"why did you" is not 100% there.you could try and look for a heading that could stun as a newspaper headline or magazine article.