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Hello!

I enjoyed this poem immensely. The storytelling techniques were superb and I feel everything flowed smoothly as I read it. There were some very small grammatical mistakes that I found upon reading the poem, but WritingWolf already covered those.

More importantly, I think that as continue to write poetic works you should work on how we connect with the poems. I say this not as a hostile remark nor a negative piece of advice. Your poem immediately connected with me as a reader and I feel that if you practiced your techniques, your ways of making us feel something with the characters (or subject matters) in your poems you could become a great master at poetry.

Keep writing!

Ben Dietz.

I'm not the best at poetry, but what suggestions I have will be in ().

You slowly hold out your hand to me,
And I slid mine into yours,
Fear rules our faces as he comes near;
We both know what is coming(. or ,)

He steps out into the dying light,
Amusement playing on his face,
He grins at me and you stiffen,
Your hand gripping firmly onto(I think it would flow better if it was simply "to" instead of "onto", but I'm not that good at this stuff) mine.

He cocks his head to the side and winks at me,
Clearly enjoying your protective stance,
I know I should let you go, but I just can't,
I don't want you to end the way I did.(this sounds good)

He walks slowly forward,
Stopping just short of me,
He ignores you,
Brushing his careless hand to my pale cheeks.(I didn't see any thing here.)

I close my eyes slowly,
Remembering my distant life,
Minutes pass as I open them,
But he('s) still waiting.

I grip my self to you,
Not wanting to let you go,
You are my life now,
We will live and die together.(I like this stanza)

As he comes nearer,
My breath evens,
Surely dying is alright,
if it is with you.

It is a really heart felt peace, good work.