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by cm57105

I close my eyes softly,

Wanting this too end,

As your canine teeth,

slowly sink into her fragile neck.

You grin viciously at me,

Cocking your head to the side to glare at me,

I stumble back,

Glee lighting up your face.

Maybe if I run,

Maybe it I hide,

But I know deep down,

What happens tonight.

His grin becomes more pronounced,

As he sees defeat flicker in my eyes,

And despite myself I look away,

to the dead woman on the floor.

He reaches forward in one swift movement,

breaking my fragile human neck,

moving his lips to the wound,

And sucking my sweet sweet,


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46 Reviews

Points: 856
Reviews: 46

Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:07 pm
Anwesha wrote a review...

Hey cm!

I'm not that good at reviewing horror poetry, yet I sort of found this interesting. Your descriptiveness was great. It almost gave me goosebumps! :-P Towards the end you got me a bit confused Is it the same person that was referred to as 'you' in the beginning who is being referred to as 'he' towards the end? Or is it a third person?
Your imagination is quite vivid and you have put it out quite well. Let me just make a few suggestions-
"You grin viciously at me,
Cocking your head to the side to glare at me,
I stumble back,
Glee lighting up your face." This could have sounded better and clearer this way-
"And as I stumble back in fear,
I see a devilish glee light up your face."(As you are not aiming to rhyme it.)

The "Blood"in the end could have been followed by a full-stop. It seems incomplete otherwise.

In all, your poem was a good piece of work which reflected your talent. Don't let go of this descriptive style. It's useful. And there's always scope for improvement. So, keep writing and keep improving. Good luck, cm! :-)


You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote