Me

Hi cm!

I went through your poem and thought of reviewing it since I'd wish to make certain suggestions. It was a good read, though I'll say you could have made it a bit more meaningful and relevant. What made the character consider himself to be a vampire, what sort of a vampire and many other things could have been put forward. Moreover, the first two stanzas were so similar, the same thing written twice in two different ways. Instead of that you could have added something more germane to the life of your character, you see.

"I stand alone in this world,
among demons and angels,
neither which I fit in,(This should have been 'neither of'
It's a labyrinth without an escape.(This line appeared a bit out of place to me. Not fitting into angels or demons doesn't really have anything to do with a labyrinth without an escape. But it's always the poet's imagination and the reader's interpretation! "

I couldn't find any aim behind separating out the last line. Had you given four lines in the last stanza and added another line to emphasize on it, then it would have been fine. But according to the way you have put it, it would be better if you joined the last line with the last stanza rather than isolating it.

You have done a good job with the poem. I even reviewed Blood, if you remember, and this time you were at least a bit better! So, keep writing, keep improving. Good luck, Vampire!

-Anwesha