Imagine

by carmenbluestar

Published November 22, 2014

E - Everyone

In Random stuff (the good the bad and the iffy)

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Somewhere, and everywhere I've been lost

But now I heal, I melt the frost.

I've found this place, all on my own,

And with my thoughts I'm not alone,

This world of mine. All by myself

Neatly tucked upon the shelf.

I'm not alone, never alone,

In these books, I call my home...

Comments & reviews · 3
thegreyreality wrote a review Review · Nov 30, 2014

I love this quite a bit. It has an innocence to it, or maybe it's just because I feel I can relate to it so well. It brings the image of a girl sitting under a blanket with a flashlight in a corner next to a bookshelf to mind.

"Somewhere, and everywhere I've been lost

But now I heal, I melt the frost."

These are my favorite lines because they seem to speak the most truth to me.


"And with my thoughts I'm not alone,

This world of mine. All by myself"

However I think this is the most problematic part to the poem. I feel like "this world of mine" disrupts the flow, and to be a bit frank, confuses that part of the poem a bit too much. I'm not the best at fixing things, but I do my best to point them out for others!

Keep Writing,
the grey reality

User avatar
hollyhuez
Review
hollyhuez wrote a review Review · Nov 22, 2014

I love this. I can relate to it so much. You used so much great detail and your idea was fantastic! The poem flows really nicely and I enjoyed it a lot.

Nitpicks:

I really only have one nitpick, and it's not nessicerily any grammatical error, it's just bugging me.

"I found me

A place to set myself free."

I found me just doesn't sound right. I realized that it's a couplet poem, so it would be hard to rhyme "myself" with something.

Overall, I really liked this. Keep on writing poems please c:

User avatar
Irrlichtchen
Review
Irrlichtchen wrote a review Review · Nov 22, 2014

This is a nice poem. I really like the theme and atmosphere.

This hace a nice flow overall and my favourite two line are:

"But now I heal, I melt the frost."

and

"Neatly tucked upon the shelf."

They both create a beautiful imagery.

But the good flow this has is interrupted in the transition from the third to fourth line

"I'm here, and I found me

A place to set myself free."

I think what sets me off here in the third line might be the "and" in the third line. But I that is not the main thing interupting the flow of this poem. The fourth line doesn't fit in with the rest. Maybe you could change "myself" to "me" ? In my opinion the line would flow a lot smoother.

Your ending is really great. I love how you hint in the other lines to a really special place and reveal in the ending line, that this place is in these books. It has a truly beautiful message!

Nice work!



You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.
— Stephen King