A.N: Not sure why I wrote this but hey now it's here, so there you go internet :P
Dear Dee,
I'm sorry it came to this but I can't hold you anymore. Not when I worry I'll need holding myself. Not when I have so much farther to go even when I've left so much pain behind.
Ten years in counting I have cried for the same reasons. I know that pain of falling in love and not having that love returned. I also know that it isn't love that hurts. Rejection hurts, loneliness hurts. I know what it's like to be as high as a kite, free and full of ecstasy. I also know how it feels to have the downhills be cliffs with bottoms filled with anarchy. I know your pain, I hear those cries, I was the one that held you.
You called me an angel once, remember that? I'm no angel, I'm only Grace, and Grace I will stay. I'm not even sure what it means to be just Grace anymore.
When I first became broken there was no one to turn to, by that time the bullying was so bad that I wished everyday was my last. Eight years old and I wanted to die. Hard to think that, that wasn't even my lowest. First sadness, then loneliness, then violence, then I was simply gone. I hated myself, truth be told I still do. Years of people saying I wasn't good enough, calling me a freak. teachers called me stupid, the asked me questions they knew I couldn't answer just for a laugh or two. All of that and more, I never truly got over it.
My friends turned away from me, siding with rumours and I was alone. I hated everyone, I blamed everyone, now I just blame myself. Since I was little I was never mentally stable, I wish I got help but I didn't. Maybe it's not too late, maybe I have a chance. I wish I could tell someone what's wrong but I don't want to be looked at different. I don't want to be seen as another drugged up teen labeled "troubled".
I'm not trying to tell you that I've had it harder than you. That's not the reason why I'm leaving. I know through experience that everyone is fighting a battle and none of them are big or small. They simply exist, to challenge us and to try to make us stronger. I'm trying to say that if we let the bad times overwhelm us then every challenge will cause us to stumble and fall and have life be a long and painful journey.
It isn't the tops of the mountains that leave us breathless with delight, or the bottomless pits that leave hope out of sight. It's the journey that makes the story (that makes a good life).
Remember that life isn't a straight line. There is no ultimate plan, there is a gentle push in the direction to get us all started. Our memories help guide us, our mistakes and experiences shape us. Without them how can we ever hope to grow.
We all deserve to be happy, especially you. Please don't be like me and give up years of yourself to tears and heartache. Try your best and remember; with every new adventure you must take it, one step at a time.
Sincerely,
Grace
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140,159 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Wow, I really loved this...
I just wish I knew why Grace was writing to Dee, and why she was saying all that stuff. But it doesn't have much to do with the story, so don't mind me! I have to say, this has better grammar than the majority of the pieces I read. It has always been my pet peeve when someone has an excellent story but terrible grammar. Except for a few places, your grammar was pretty smooth and flowing.
I also respect and love wonderful characters like Grace. I have a weird thing for troubled people - especially teens. That's why I end up putting a lot of troubled characters in my stuff. But Grace still makes the best of things and tries to pass on some wisdom to Dee. Even though she's had a miserable life, she still has this wonderful friend (or sister, or someone) who she cares deeply for. It's characters like that that I love and especially enjoy reading about. I hope to find more things like this that I can enjoy fully!
Dee fell in love with Grace but he has so much emotional baggage that Grace was worried that she wouldn't be able to cope with her own past. She never felt like she could love him the way he deserved to be loved.
At least that was the initial idea
I'm very glad you liked it so much!
Oh... I know this is awkward, but I thought Dee was a girl. Just because I've never seen the name Dee on a guy before. Although, I still liked it.
it's a nickname for Demetri sorry for the confusion
Hey its Katie here! Its review day so join a team if you aren't on one and help us out!
First of all *applause*. This was a greatly written piece. I like the honesty from the sender through out the letter. Oh and the imagery was applied magnificently in the parts you used it. A suggestion would be toads a little more of it next time though my review winy be quit as good as @TheShauzer but hopefully you enjoy my compliments on your work!
Thanks for the review
Hi carmenbluestar,
TS here reviewing
I was hesitant to review this piece because of how honest it sounded. See, usually when people write such an honest piece they don't want critique - they just want to be heard. I'd just like to say, I'll treat this piece just as any other.
From the start I noted that you know well how to display true emotion in your words; your lines are basic, to the point and powerful. This is because they come from the heart - every piece, whether written out of past experiences or the wilder side of your imagination, should be JUST AS passionate. It doesn't matter if you're writing a fictional piece or a heart-felt love-letter. if a piece comes from the heart, it's powerful. Try to maintain this kind of emotion in all your writings.
I do think that you could liven up your writing a bit. Imagery is always the best way to go, no matter what kind of piece you're producing. Poetry, short, script, even song lyrics. Imagery pulls the readers into your world, helps them to empathize and truly get connected to your writing. This is what makes a piece great - I, personally, would advise you to use as much imagery as you can. Just a suggestion; I won't give an example because there are a few instances here where you could be more descriptive, and I want to get a few reviews done today. But do this; go back over your piece (with a fresh eye), and look for spaces where you could add in small anecdotes. Your writing is already decently descriptive with the imagery of the abyss, the cliffs, the holding. But I like to add in anecdotes with the purpose of pure description - that's how important it is. For example, when you talked about bullying when you were eight, you could have told a small spin-off story based purely around description. It doesn't even have to be true
You need to learn how to use semi-colons and commas properly. Most of your commas are in the right place, but some are just wrong. For example, when you said, "Hard to think that, that wasn't even my lowest" I had to cringe and read back over it. The comma was placed badly. I know this is because two instances of the word 'that' didn't look right beside each other, but it's still right. You can't change the laws of grammar to make your piece look more acceptable - it screws up the entire flow. This was only one example but I remember a couple more throughout the piece. The best way to get out of these bad habits is to read a lot. It's a cliché in the writing world but only because it's the truest piece of advice anyone can give you. The way to get better is by reading a lot and writing a lot you'll see serious improvement, fast.
That's all the advice I can give you, I think. You write powerfully and with great emotion. Hold onto that and built upon it with description, vocab and ideas. I hope you keep writing.
Yours in ink,
The Shauzer.
thank i will do another revision soon