Young Writers Society

Hey carmenbluestar! Wisegirl22 here to review!
Well, there isn't much to say. This was a short piece all in all, only four lines. But I still found two things.
One, most books and pieces write out numbers, in letter. So "8" should be "eight".
Also, "heartbreak" is one word. So don't put a space between "heart" and "break".
This was something they call "short but sweet". I'm nine, and for the most part I've heard plenty of warnings about love life. But anyways, this was well written! Most really short pieces I've heard are a little bit mediocre, but this one was different and refreshing. Good job, bluestar!

wisegirl22

Good morning! Delirium here to give you a review!

Just for starters, I love the idea behind this. The idea of young love and the way in which it spurs is so whimsical. I feel as though this is a true piece, and I would like to offer my condolences for your pain. Love is difficult.

I love the shortness of the poem, and how it is straightforward and right to the point, however I feel as though you were trying to say something else but couldn't quite get it across. The ending was a bit too abrupt for my taste, but it may have a different meaning to you.

All in all, great job and I look forward to reading more. Keep on writing!

xx- Delirium

Woah. Talk about short and to the point much.

Hey, Will here.

These few lines really do, well, have a big impact.

I think that the ending is really dramatic. Instead on simply 'dying,' how about something like 'I remember moving on...I remember when I lost my love.' Infact, you could replace love with things like 'soul' or 'heart.'

All in all, great job.

-willachilles