Dear,
I peeled your favorite orange for you and left it on a plate.
Each pith picked, the same as you would do every morning.
You’d walk to the farmer’s market with an armful of
The sweetest clementines you can find.
I always woke up to the fruitful thuds of
The floorboards and knew you were home.
I peeled another.
I found your keys on the nightstand and
Smiled to myself for the last time. The keychain rang out–
I jokingly told you to get a bell because
I thought you moved too quietly.
From the next day on, you chimed with every step.
From the bedroom, to the kitchen, to the living room.
I placed it in the trinket dish near the front door.
Right next to mine.
I looked through your closet today.
The red and purple sweater– you remember it?
I ran my thumb along the patch you sewed in on the left sleeve.
The fraying ends caught between each stitch and
Filled in the hole that was once there.
You were always good at patching things up.
I made our bed today.
The blankets we like–
The quilt with the orange flowers and green stitches–
Covered the bed and spilled onto the floor.
I fluffed up the pillows the same as you would do:
Grabbed each end and
Squeezed them together then apart once more.
I sprawled out onto the sheets,
Stretched my limbs towards each of
The four corners of the bed, and laid there.
Waiting.
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141,247 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
Ohh what a compelling summary!
I love this:
Also because fruitful is a double meaning here and how you made so nice and obvious why the narrator knows the other person is home :3
Tho are oranges and clementines really the same?
The second stanza tho has such a distressing edge. Smiling for the last time,--> no longer having this keychain with them that made them so non-stealthy… So leaving the keys means they went to do something they don’t want the narrator to know about and I am worried. It sounds like cheating?
Interesting that the next stanza talks about mending things when it feels more like the relationship is on a trajectory to become broken…
Aww and the final stanza is just so very sad. I like how you conveyed so many emotions throughout the poem. I guess there are a few way to interpret this but the… being left aside for someone else comes through very strongly for me! Thanks for sharing!
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PS: Ahhh the word I was looking for was "melancholy" Thanks LadySpark!!
Hi! Thought I'd pop by for a little review.
The melancholy of this poem is palpable in a way that immediately made me grieve for the loss the narrator just a few lines in. So bravo, on that score. I have a few notes, but overall, I'd say you have a high quality foundation here that you can shape and prune a little bit to make solid from start to finish. You also have some flashes of brilliance in there I really appreciate. Specifically, your final stanza is stellar.
I know this motif of "Dear" is reoccurring in this poem, but I admit it falls a little flat for me. It interrupts the flow of the poem and I honestly get a bit distracted wondering what their name is lol. I'd honestly try the poem without them altogether, but if you're really committed to it (totally valid), I'd play around with it not breaking every stanza, and see what happens when you chain stanzas together. It might be fun to play around with.
This is a pretty tell-y poem, but it works for you. That being said, I'd love to see you expand your imagery a bit, because when you do lean into that piece it really works for you. You have some great descriptions, and honestly the way you talked about the blankets in the final stanza harkened back to the discussion of the fruit in the starting one. I saw a few other linking threads (just the use of the bed as an anchor in general is a great one), and I'd love to see you pull at them a little bit. I think it would really take your poem to the next level to put your focus on*there*, rather than on the repetition of "Dear," being the focal point like it is now.
Overall, fantastic work, keep it up, good luck editing!
xoxoxo
Sparkles
Hi Sparkles, thank you so much for the review! The repetition of "Dear" was intended to read as notes/letters (the mementos) the speaker is writing to their lover. Now that you mention it, I'm not sure if that was strongly portrayed on my end outside of the title. Will definitely tinker with the "Dear" concept and imagery! Thank you so much!