Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
she listened to the soft stir
of her teaspoon against
her cracked mug going
round,
round,
round.
bergamot, lime,
and promises she tried to keep once
cradled in her worn palms turned to
tea dregs at the bottom of her cup laying
stale,
forgotten,
untouched.
shall she make her bed?
her safe haven drowned in a heavy ocean of
weighted blankets and crumbs of her cold
abandoned dinner from yesterday:
a feast for the maggots.
perhaps she can shower.
the icy stabs of water down the unnatural
curve of her spine may be painful enough
that she can move. instead, the burning
droplets fog the dirty bathroom mirror.
she became the person she tried not to be:
stagnant,
fatigued,
unmoved.
but nonetheless, she stirs.
a gentle stir of the teaspoon
she had mistaken as an anchor
round,
round,
round.
her tea had turned cold after she had
broken the promises she tried to keep.
promises far greater than
messy beds and unfaithful mirrors.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,581 Literary Works • 673,533 Reviews
This so beautiful. It captures this melancholy feeling of exhaustion and pain and sadness. The way the character stirs the tea, but is so caught up in her broken promises it gets cold before she drinks any.
The structure of the poem is also really wonderful and I love the way the "round, round, round" moves in one direction at the beginning, then moves backwards near the end like she went clockwise, then counterclockwise. The imagery is amazing, I can just picture her sitting, stirring her tea aimlessly, trapped in her mind. I also like the way you described her bed and her bathroom. The language you used throughout this this just adds to the feeling of melancholy and a sort of exhausting depression.
I especially love the way it ends, with "promises far greater than messy beds and unfaithful mirrors" as it leaves you wondering what she did. Ex: How big of a promise really was it? Did she betray someone else or herself? It keeps me thinking about this girl and wondering about her story.
Amazing job <3
Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you liked it! <3
Again, I love your poetry.
I know this is sort of a minute detail, but I loved the way you formatted the first stanza. (specifically the onomatapaeia'd words).
I think this is about depression, but i could be wrong. But what I got from this piece was that whoever this is about sees less of a purpose in going through their daily routine than normal. It's melacholy, regretful and sad. This person could be angry at themselves because they had a plan for the day that they weren't able to keep because of an emotional barrier they were struggling to grasp with.
Another detail I thought was interesting was that you honed in was that this woman isn't drinking her tea, but rather can only bring herself to stir it. It makes me think that it has a deeper meaning. Could it be possible that the perpetual stirring could represent the cycle of waning mental heath she's going through? There are so many ways this poem could go; you left it sort of open ended.
I don't know if that was the point, but that's what I got from this.
This piece is well-structured; I don't see any misplaced grammar or misspelled grammar.
In all, I loved this piece a lot, and am probably gonna come back to this, just to reread it.
You're a really good poet.
Cheers!
-MintyLeaf <3
Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Also thank you for the interpretation! It's awesome hearing other people's perspectives hehe