Children are special
For with God's hand were they made perfect
And they are the blessings
To every family.
They enliven their parents' mood
And depend very much on food
They play around their neighbourhood
Before going to attent shool.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
The errors have already been pointed out, so I won't discuss them. Ignoring said errors, I enjoyed this little poem. For the most, I think you correctly described most children without using any fancy words and just getting straight to the point. That's exactly what children are and what they do. I honestly could not have said it better myself. Just fix the errors and this is will be perfect
Remington38 here for a reveiw!
This was pretty good but I feel like it's missing something and it doesn't connect to the reader enough. The first part connects but I feel like it could go even further. It was sweet overall and nice to read. I like the idea behind it and the topic of writing about children is interesting. Keep in writing! It was very night for a light happy read.
Hi there!
This line is really absolute and I think it would be more powerful if it described a particular instance when a child has enlightened a parent's mood. It would also make it more relateable or even just take one aspect of a child and tell us that that's what lifts parents' moods. Like baby laughter or first steps or tiny, gripping hands. At the moment there's not enough imagery of children in here.1. I'm not sure about the second line of this, though it could be personal preference because I really dislike the word perfect except when used to be sarcastic and most of the time when I read it, I actually think of all the little ways in which things can never be perfect. Perhaps if there was more setup first and more reasons that children are perfect then I'd be more willing to believe it but at the moment, that line kind of makes me filled with disbelief.
2.
3. This is the weakest line of the poem because it's a negative about children which you're trying to spin as a positive but we know it's only there because you needed to rhyme with mood. Instead try to think of what is really the best thing about children - that they give their parents company, that they are small pieces of ourselves being left behind in the world, that they love unconditionally when they're small?
4. This should be attend and school.
Overall
I think it's a really sweet idea for a poem but needs a few more lines to get across why children are amazing. I'm not sure how attending school makes a child the most perfect thing on this planet. I attended school and I'm far from that. What is it about children before they become adults that's so great? I think mostly it's that they've not had to learn yet that the world can be dangerous and so they're care free and that innocence is a beautiful thing
All the best with this!
~Heather
This was very sweet and pure:). Much like children are. Yet children are so much than just what that. They are imaginative and true, honest and innocent. Things like that, but what you have is great. I love the little touch of humor when you mention the part about food, because it's so very true! There was one little typo, 'attent' should be 'attend'. That's it
. You're rhyming is good, just could use a little more. Over all, I loved how it portrayed and actual child, simple, pure, short and sweet. Happy writing!- Cate.