shouldering the weight of this burden
i'm the prince of this falling empire
everything's going up in flames
lately, my reflection feels bizarre to look at.
things aren't the same anymore
life that was rose colored is now a bleak gray
when summer ended, it took you with it
could we go back? would you come back?
-
never mind. i don't need you. but i wish your eyes had been brown instead of blue.
then i wouldn't be scared to step foot outside.
the idea of you pisses me off.
still, i'm willing to try again. and again. until we get it right.
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140,130 Literary Works • 673,028 Reviews
I like the fantasy quality to this, particularly in the first three lines here:
I do feel like this imagery is a little different from the next line about his reflection being bizarre to look at, but then the rest of the stanza seems to fit a little better.
The colours being included help to link the first stanza to the second for me, though the speaker's mood seems to shift without a clear reason as to why. I think the messaging isn't quite clear enough for me here because we start with the whole empire falling, but the focus on another person seems quite abrupt and the transition of this mindset was hard for me to follow.
I really like the imagery, I just struggled a bit with the narrative.
Hope this was helpful
Icy
yes icy i love your reviews, and narrative is always something i%u2019ve struggled with in poetry but i have no clue how to improve it
Hi! Here to give you a short and sweet review!
I really like the setting of this poem, fantasy-like and/or medieval! In addition, the usage of your descriptions was excellent, and I found the colors that you utilized to represent the life of the speaker to be quite interesting. I also enjoyed the range of feelings that are conveyed in this poem, including rage and even a sense of helplessness.
Have a good day!
-Cozmo
thank you cozmo!! i appreciate it
)
This is so nice because of the fantansy theme you set and there is a betrayal yet regret idea in this poem and the fact he longs for a next time is proof that the prince enjoyed his life so far and would fix all the things he did and correct all of his mistakes
Truly Beatiful
Sinon
Look forward to the next poem
thank you man
i appreciate the kind words!!