it's nighttime, everything's quiet.
you are finally resting,
a reprieve from the struggles of the day.
the struggles you are forced to endure.
the struggles you choose not to overcome.
-
but it's interesting, isn't it?
during the day,
how easily you let yourself be trampled by that witch,
how easily you let your every word be rebuked,
how easily you acquiesce to her every whim.
-
but during the night,
you try to regain some control.
you snore louder than her,
you take up more space on the bed,
in a desperate attempt to maintain some semblance of power.
but even then, you are still below her.
because tomorrow is another day.
and another day brings the same torment.
-
but sometimes i wonder,
do you really love her?
do you really wish to protect her?
or are you simply, irrevocably, attached?
-
oh, but how tragic it is,
that you're only peaceful when you're unconscious,
that you only resemble a human being when you're asleep.
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Canary word: Present
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
An undercurrent of abuse that is only implied yet seems much more effective, than merely writing a poem called "I get hit a lot by my partner". It's deeply troubling, how the poem is set up as both a cry for help and a condemnation of inaction. There's both hatred and fear of this "witch", so to speak. Being able to tackle this topic requires a lot of sensitivity, particularly if this is from a position of writing about others as opposed to your personal experiences. If this is from personal experience, I am sorry you've had to go through this. As a poem, it's pretty good. Nothing flashy but it doesn't need to be.
thank you so muchhh
) i haven%u2019t exactly been through abuse but people very close to me have and its based off of their experiences
In that case, you have done those people justice
awh thank you
that means a lot to me
I like this poem. Normally when people talk about abuse it is an abusive male, and a victim female. Its interesting to see something that breaks the paradigm. I like the rhyme scheme and it complements the sentence structure you chose. No notes. Happy writing.
-hope
thanks hope! happy writing
<3
Hi Ash!! Thought I would stop by for a review of this lovely poem of yours!!
I really like how you set up this poem. I think you did it in a way that allows us to really attach to the words and feel some sort of connection. For example, when you start describing how it's night, and you can finally rest, that's a really relatable situation to me, because it's always part of my routine to finally feel like I can stop for a minute when it's night. You built the scene really well, but then you make it even more emotional. You mentioned how we are forced to endure these struggles, and that we choose not to overcome them. It sounds like this person is going through a lot in their life and they are very conflicted, and overall, just very exhausted to the point that they can't really help themself.
In your next stanza, I really like how you start off with a question. I love when people ask questions and poetry, because it always feels so much more personal to me. It seems like there's some sort of person who is causing a lot of pain in this person's life and it's almost like they have no choice but to be with her even though she continually hurts them.
^^ I love how you ask more questions here too. I'm not exactly sure what the relationship is between these people, like if it is a romantic relationship, or if it is more of a familial relationship. I could see these people as being in love, or I could also see them as being siblings or family members. What I can tell, is that it's a person who you care about and that you want to protect but at the same time it seems like you aren't getting a lot out of the relationship. The end was nice too. I noticed that you speak in a very eloquent way throughout this poem, and I like the layout too. Overall, this was a solid poem. I would love to see more visuals, descriptions or metaphors. For example, maybe describing how feeling makes you feel in your body, or how it feels to lie on the bed with it against your back. Either way, great work, and I look forward to reading more!
Your friend,
Ellie
THANK YOU ELLIE
i appreciate the very kind feedback!! also little fun fact, the poems about my parents (kinda long story but they cause me a lot of stress from their fights), and it%u2019s from my perspective!!
thanks again
love, ash
Ahhh, that makes total sense
Awesome job!!
THANK YOUU