the human condition

Good evening. Just dropped in for a quick review.

I just wanted to say, first of all, that I love the formatting. Even before reading the poem or the topic, I knew I was gonna love this from the start. ANYWAYS, now that I've got the inner fan-girl in me out, I shall start my review.

Some of the strengths I read:
- Your voice is very unique. It feels...very authentic. (Not saying other voices aren't authentic). I guess to elaborate, it feels very raw/emotional, which is very attractive/appealing to a reader such as myself. The tone is very melancholic, which suits the subject well, and also just in general has a subtle sadness. The fragmentation along with the flow, which I will get into below, also contribute to this.
- The structure is simply *mwah* chef's kiss. The drops in sentences enhances the flow and also (if you were going for this) mirrors the cycle of seeking than losing happiness. I would also imagine that this would be a very attractive option for spoken word. (I loved the 'Your dreams that once brought you joy, decompose')

Some things I noticed:
- Though there isn't much to critique, I would suggest looking for more places to pause. For a more melancholic/sorrow-filled poem such as this, pauses/creating more stanzas help contribute to the mood/tone. The first stanza, for example, I feel could be slightly separated in order to hit harder.
- I would also suggest separating the 'at night, in the car...' It might not be seen as a big deal whilst reading, but try reading it to yourself. It leads to a more impactful emphasis on each line that could potentially set up for something more for the next line.

Wow. I was really fan girling there, but I really liked the poem! I hope to see more of your works in the future.

Hi @ash120819 I'm here to do a short review on your poem, so let's jump into it shall we

*whispers I might be a bit rusty XD*

is sadness mankind's natural state of being?

when we're alone,

at night, in the car, in our heads,

all we are,

is sad.

not the soul-crushing type of sad

but the subtle type.

the sadness that is underneath your every thought,

your every breath tinged with an ounce of melancholy.

the sadness that drives you to do something,

anything, to escape it.

-

perhaps it is in this pursuit of happiness,

that mankind achieves great things.

perhaps it is in the process of running away from one thing,

that leads us to another obsession.

your breath is now tinged with an eagerness to pursue your new goal,

until it eventually becomes your new source of sadness.

and so the cycle continues.

your dreams that once brought you joy,

decompose.

and become the very same subtle sadness you tried to escape.

An interesting way of discussing what is, in my opinion, a somewhat overused topic for poetry. I liked the lowercase throughout, even with the punctuation marks. It adds a sense of the inevitable, the lack of effort in the face of adversity. You discuss sadness a lot here, to the point where the poem may well have been called sadness. I tend to be somewhat cynical and hesitant to indulge in this genre of poetry, as it does have a tendency to fetishize and romanticise these feelings, as though it is aspirational to be depressed or melancholic. I don't find that here, it reads like it comes from a genuine place. It's a good piece of work you've done, and I'm interested to read more of your work.