Imperfect Reminiscences

Hello Arif! This is a lovely piece of work. Extremely good in my view. So there really isn't much I can tell you improvement wise. So instead I'm going to tell you my thoughts and feelings about this poem, so then you can decide if you did a good job or not.
(Oh, and please keep in mind that when I say "you" I mean the POV character, you is just a lot faster to write)

I loved the beginning. It was simple. More like an introduction, really. But then on the next line it explained itself more. It was still simple, but now it had two simple layers. Kinda like an onion, if you get what I mean.
And then you changed it, but only slightly. You went from explaining what something looked like, to explaining the effect it had. It was a subtle transition, but it still changed the feel of the poem slightly. I can actually still use the onion metaphor for this too. This was like the slight change in color as you get closer to the center. Usually you don't notice it when it begins. But once you reach the center you can tell that it's different from the outside.
So the inside of the onion is where you talk about yourself, instead of this other person. When you talk about your noble journey. I like that metaphor. The noble journey to understand the world. It just clicked with me.
But then we lose the onion metaphor as you change back to describing the effect this other person had.
You gave good visuals. Sprinting, fires, marathons, and such all bring up images we can associate with this "story".
You bring up a surge of emotion when this wonderful moment begins to fall apart. It had been so beautiful. To people intertwined working together to achieve some goal. And then someone just tears it apart. Quite sad, quite sad indeed. It almost makes me mad. It makes me wonder who "they" are.
But then you raise my hopes again. You show that even though it was sad, you learned from it. It makes me think that the sentence "How ignorant and inadequate I was" should always remain in past tense. Because now you must be better then you where then.
I loved how you brought up lost time. But the way you worded it, accusing clocks of theft, was brilliant! Just brilliant!
And then you had such a melancholy ending. I love melancholy endings. It was perfect. Even better then the beginning.


I know this isn't your traditional sort of review, but I hope that hearing someone else's thoughts on your poem helps you to understand it's effects on other people better.
You did an amazing job on this. Keep writing!

~WW


P.S. For so long I thought my family where the only people who said ginormous! Although sometimes we pronounce it giganormous (like a combination of gigantic and enormous).

Hi, Arif!
I think that you wrote a really, really good poem.
I love how much depth and thought you put into it, mostly.
It's very much thought through, with so much detail.
I just absolutely love it.
I can't really find the right words to describe how I feel about it.
I just want you to know hoe good of a job you did.
You deserve an applaud.
Seriously.
I don't exactly understand why other people didn't tell you what you created.
What I think you created was a piece of art.
A masterpiece, in my eyes.
I believe that you've come down a long road, and I have to say, you walked the road pretty well.
Just keep going at the pace you're walking, because pretty soon, you'll start getting recognized, and popular.
Good job.
That's what I want to say.
Good luck reaching your destination.

Hey Arif,

I only have a little time to do a review but I just wanted to say a couple things I noticed in this particular poem. I like the vocabulary you've employed in this piece. That being said, I would strongly suggest replacing ginormous with enormous or something similar because the sudden slang kind of threw me off. Sorry that's all I have to say for now, happy writing

Nick