Trapped by the enchanted beguiled world
customarily drowning and drinking
From my burning cold liquid dry tears
Sporadically lingering around
For an oblivious belligerent warrior
I fitfully dispatch idyllic kisses
To the cappella birds, but they convert
Into disconsolate forlorn poniards
And transform the blissful singing into
Melancholic woebegone wailings
The luminescence of my amorous
Soul would once covetous the shining sun,
But now I have embraced villainous
Immortal darkness, where nefarious
And malevolence rule my sea of blood
Although I eulogize and venerate
My Omniscient and Mighty God
My sacrilegious and impious
Exertions, propel my ominous outlook
Of baleful imminent forthcomings
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,811 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
What the other reviewer seems to have missed out is the title, that hints despair and turmoil. The fact that the poem does not seem to be going to any certain aspect suggests that the you, the writer, is also at a loss. For that reason, although I am more of a fan of poetry that after a few readings I can interpret myself, I found this poem an interesting read and with a few more tweaks I think it would be a strong poem.
Hello person! (Thanks for reviewing my poem, by the way.) I'll be honest here: I have no idea what this is about. If that was your intent, well done; if not, keep working on clarity.
You used a whole lotta big words, which for some reason makes the whole poem amusing. It's quite an interesting thing to do, and in this case it is easy to guess at the meanings of unfamiliar ones (due to context). However, it is one reason why the poem makes little sense.
Nitpicks
"covetous" should be "covet"
"Nefarious" should be "nefarity" or "nefariousness"
You don't really need that comma after "exertions".
Anyway...
To me, this poem seems more like a string of big words pulled out of a dictionary like spaghetti on a fork, rather than a conscious image, stream of thought, narration, etc.
If you work at its meaning (to the reader), it could emerge as something brilliant.
I hope you weren't offended by this review - take into consideration what you feel is important. Keep writing!!