Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,601 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
This poem is so beautiful. I can really feel how you felt about her. It just reminds me on how I felt about this guy even though he didn't feel the same way. This is the definition of romantic poetry and why I love it so much. Although I loved it so I have one slight problem with it. When you said she was the beginning and the end of every chapter, that was the same line that was used in the song "Never Knew I Needed" by Ne-Yo which was on "The Princess and The Frog" soundtrack. I just felt like if you did use this line from the song you should have switched the words around to not make it so obvious. :/ Other than that, I loved the poem and that it clearly relates to the people who had this done to them...being rejected. I can't wait to read more of your work. Great Job!
This is beautiful!!! I think I'm going to cry!!!
"I'm jealous of everything that gets to know you How the wind steals your perfume How the sun touches your skin on a sunny afternoon"
This for me was the most beautifulest part of all! This poem has a very romantic and adorable touch! Any girl would enjoy and love it with all her heart! I know I did! =)
You should really construct stanzas and add punctuation points, that way the reader can concentrate more and read the poem the way you expect and read it yourself like it should! =D
The poem was lovely! You have to keep writing stuff like this, really! Until next time...
Keep up the good work!
~Marde!
Hey!
This was a very nice poem to read! I'm not that well of a poet, so I can't offer any constructive advice, other than the fact that you need to fix your stanzas! But other than that, it was a great poem, it rhymed so well, and the general idea is given. The flow was steady and consistent, so kudos on that!
Overall, it was a beautiful poem. Keep on writing!
~ Iggy.
Hey Arif,
This poem is more like a paragraph, I would suggest you to break it into parts, make stanzas and use punctuations.
It seems like a story but since the length is short , you get a picture of the poem.
The poem is fine as we read it but only if you go though it again and consider the points that I mentioned, on can better relate to it and understand the meaning , that it contains.
Best of luck for the next time.
Hope to see it in a better way.
Hi arif! Glad you got your submitting issues sorted out! Niteowl here to review for Team Dreamwave! Hopefully you can get out there and help our team soon!
Now, it looks like YWS did strange things with the formatting, as sometimes happens. See if you can't edit that. It looks like a previous reviewer did a good job with lines and grammar stuff so take a look at that.
I love your opening lines. It sounds so beautiful and really expresses the emotion.
Now some critiques:
These lines have a forced rhyme and the last line is way too long. I'd consider rewording and cutting out the "in this world". Perhaps something like "Go ahead and forget about me" would fit in a rhyme scheme easier.
Rhyming "you" with "you" is kind of lazy and the second line is too long. I think you could make the second line snappier by "Without doubt, they don't deserve to". Rhymes and gets the point across.
Confronted seems like a weird word choice. Typically, that implies anger, which doesn't seem right here. I'd suggest alternatives, but it's unclear what it's referring to. Meeting her? Apologizing? Trying to get her back? Check out a dictionary and thesaurus to see if you can't find a more fitting word. I really do like the feel of this line though, the sense of "too late".
Overall, there's some great lines, and some cleaning up would make it even better. Keep writing!
Hello! I really like your poem-it's a good portrayal of envy and uses some good descriptions for example 'How the wind steals your perfume' but if I were you I would split it up into stanzas, not one whole paragraph. This will make it easier to read and more 'poem-like'. Also, the punctuation could be edited but otherwise it's great.
I can see where you've tried to split it so I assume that you were intending to split it into stanzas because of the placement of capital letters but less confusion would be caused if you split it.
Well done!
Keep writing,
tiggpanda145
"I'm jealous of everything that gets to know you:
how the wind steals your perfume,
how the sun touches your skin on a sunny afternoon,
and how I reminisce about you,
all day, everyday.
I wish we never quarrel or fight
for I'd miss your name lighting up my phone in the night.
How I long to be a tattoo on you,
girl, I'd give and do anything to be a permanent part of you.
As you walk the Earth,
I see the world staring at you;
without doubt, nobody deserves the privilege of looking at you
Before I knew you, you were not a part of my book
But now, if you open it up and take a look,
you're the beginning and the end of every chapter.
Carry on with your troubles in this world,
just know that no boy will ever be as crazy for you as I have been in this world -
You have this effect on me no other girl has had.
I see stars and nightingale's in your eyes;
to look at you is an honor, and I'm glad
You are a tonic for my eyes.
I'm sorry I never confronted you sooner,
as the clock just ticked by."
1. I fixed some punctuation errors, and separated it into stanzas. (It is too hard to read in a huge paragraph)
2. I quite like the poem, and the jealousy you express, because it is very realistic! I have definitely felt the same way about some people before, and this poem shows exactly how those feelings are.
3. Keep writing!