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by aooborromeo


definition - human
a solid,
a living machine,
a cluster of gears.
-
There is something intriguing
about the idea that we are one in a million.
There is only one “us” and many “thems”.
Notice that there is one absolute with our machinery:
We know not our true function and purpose,
except our limbs.
to touch,
to caress,
to injure.

definition - eyes
a visionary,
a window,
a messenger.
-
We all feel the eyes surrounding us move.
Seeking to grab our own like
anacondas and their prey.
Judgements are held captive there,
like killers in straight jackets.
They wait to be released to go on a murderous fury.

definition - skin
a colorful shield,
an artistic tissue,
a thin breakable layer.
-
Our skin is beautiful,
yet often our peers prove otherwise.
My own is flawed and hardened,
forged to protect.
Fellow bodies shoot arrows from their skin,
piercing holes into our pride.
All that is left
are wounds and gashes,
holes that grow.

definition - blood
a binding fluid,
a forest fire,
a violent promise.
-
Blood runs warm like cooling lava.
The oil that coils through our veins,
can be set aflame with ease.
The nuclear weapons,
ambush bodies.
The aftermath;
a pool of crimson wine,
drunk by our peers,
leaving us hollow and hurt.
Forsaken in ourselves.

definition - mind
an element,
a trove of memory,
an urge.

-
When our similarities ride forth on horses,
we ignore them.
Their thundering hooves stampede elsewhere.
When our differences spiral downward,
our guns are shoot recklessly,
damaging everything around us.
Fear is gunpowder.
Pain is the goal,
the result,
and the false treaty.
The trauma haunts our innermost home.
All we can do is start a war of retribution.

definition - heart
a feeling entity,
a easy manipulation,
a cavern that collapses.

-
There is enough love to make us happy,
and more to make us hate.
Through clouded threats,
we get poked by hot iron swords.
Through imagined enemies,
our vulnerable organ turns to tar.
Do we choose to cleanse?
Do we let it rot?

definition - soul
an essence,
an embodiment,
a moral immoral mortal.

-
What are souls crafted from?
The pure white marble from
our childlike innocence.
Or an inevitable animal corpse,
whose grotesque instinct
encourages retaliation,
paranoia,
discord?

definition - human
a monster,
an angel,
a mass of contradiction.

-
We heal with one hand,
and sin with the other.
We are beasts with the means of destruction,
and we are warriors of light.
We fight wrath with wrath,
forgetting the absolutes.
We are all flesh,
blood,
and cells.
Equally capable of seeing others as we are;
a creature searching for meaning,
longing for survival.
Yet we ignore that,
sentencing our world to a fate
of dark stormy mists we call suffering,
and a raining acid called war.


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User avatar
28 Reviews


Points: 1823
Reviews: 28

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Sat Jun 12, 2021 1:07 am
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MayCupcake wrote a review...



Hey, aooborromeo!
Here's a review for you today!

Seeking to grab our own
(like) anacondas and their prey.
Judgements are held captive there,
like killers in straight jackets.


I really liked the simile of watchful eyes compared to anacondas. It shows how suffocating attention (or judgements) from other people can be. To help the flow of this stanza, the first "like" could be moved to the second line. When I was reading, the pause after the first "like" sounded like the eyes grabbed our own likes? lol. Also, if it's moved then it will also reflect the placement of the second "like".

When our similarities ride forth on horses,
we ignore them.
Their thundering hooves stampede elsewhere.
When our differences spiral downward,
our guns are shoot recklessly,
damaging everything around us.


I found the imagery of similarities on horses quite amusing. It shows how obvious similarities can be and how oblivious we can be to them when in the presence of differences. For this stanza, the only thing I noticed was "shoot" in the 5th line. Did you mean to put "our guns shoot recklessly," or "our guns are shot recklessly,"? The one that sounds better to me is "our guns shoot recklessly,"

a(n) easy manipulation,


Just a misplaced "n"! ;)

Wow, very well done! I liked that you started with the definition of human and ended with a new definition. I also thought that it was interesting how you chose to give poetic definitions of the different parts of a person and elaborating them in several different poems! I really enjoyed reading this, so don't be too hard on yourself! It was very well written and I included some quick edits for you. Anyways, take what you will from this and keep writing!




aooborromeo says...


Thank you! Is this poem worth a like? Anything I can change?



MayCupcake says...


I don't think you should change anything other than a few grammar things that I mentioned. Other than that I think it's good! (Of course it's worth a like! I just forgot to before going to sleep last night%uD83D%uDE05, so here you go!%u2B50)



User avatar


Points: 7
Reviews: 2

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Fri Jun 11, 2021 5:37 pm
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1dratherbewriting wrote a review...



WOW, I have no words left to say, you have said them all in this amazing piece of poetry. I honestly think that this could have been written by a professional. ok let's get into the review.

Glows
-I loved all the similes and personification you put in there. they added quite a bit of depth to your poem.
- I loved the way you described everything as good and bad and everything in between. Its true no human is either good or bad, we are simply both, and your poem wonderfully describes that.
- I loved the structure of this piece. the short few-worded descriptions really made it feel as if you were explaining something bittersweet.

Grows
there weren't many of these (like I said, your poem was awesome)
-better wording, some words could have been replaced for stronger ones. Im not quite sure if this was on purpose but if it was, just ignore this comment.
_ i was a bit confused at times. Some examples of this are the lines "a moral immoral mortal." im not quite sure what you meant in that line, this was the same with the lines "a forest fire, a violent promise." I dont quite understand the compariun between blood and fire/promises.

...And thats all folks. your poem was a wonderful read and I quite enjoyed it. Keep writing!

1dratherbewriting outs




aooborromeo says...


Thank you for the suggestions! This is literally something I just created like a couple hours ago. I still need to edit it. Thank you :)




I exist as I am, that is enough
— Walt Whitman