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Smoking

by aooborromeo


When I breathe,
what do I choose to inhale?
The air;
Full of poisons.
The pollution, the chemicals.
Bleaching our body.
Discussed everywhere;
the schools,
the news.
The ones that fuel the wildfires
of suffocation;
those aren’t brought to light.
And they come from our own
mouths
and actions.

I was once forced to take a joint
made by a boy that took pride
in his strength.
Strength that he proudly displayed
through heinous acts of
grabbing me,
touching me,
pushing me.

The grotesque fumes clouded my eyes
in a haze of self hatred,
spilling into my nostrils.
The scarring of my nose
reads words:
Ugly, unworthy, unlovable

You know what they say about smoking,
It’s addictive.
The chemicals, the nicotine.
Others tried his drugs at his urging.
They accomplished the same high
via my pleas for mercy.
What good is a single smoker
when you can
share the artificial joy.

Others simply chose to breathe.
Coughing out the second hand smoke,
hating the lingering scent,
but not saying anything.
Just don’t join in,
that’s what everyone says.

What about me?
The drugs were being forced down my trachea.
Shoved into my lungs,
creating a growing cancer,
infecting my body.
I was told to fight it, but
how can one ignore the destruction
of my cells;
the cells that made up my every being.
My self-love, my empathy, my kindness.

The signs of my newfound disease
were there…
Scratching my arms,
colors of grey underneath my eyes,
Sometimes I refused to eat,
and when I did,
the sustenance exited into the toilet.
I tried to find hands, doctors to hold me.
The diagnosis never came.
It’s my fault, they say.
Why should I have these feelings?
It’s just their words, why should I listen?
They tell me to deny it,
to ignore the hatred,
to turn a blind eye to my torment.
It’s not real to them.

I suppose I should have protected myself better.
I don’t want to smoke,
but in the end
my words aren’t enough.
So I let the toxins infect me.
My parents stood by
watching me overdose.
Disgusting
You don’t belong here

My drug addiction
only become important,
when my own smoke
Disappeared into the stratosphere
singing hymns of unshed tears and cries for help.

You didn’t see my pain.
I wasn’t unhappy in your eyes.
How could you not see… 


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39 Reviews


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Sun Feb 21, 2021 10:16 pm
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LilPWilly wrote a review...



I don’t know which parts of this are metaphors.
This is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine the horrible things that you have experienced. And by that I mean that imagining it hurts me.
I know addiction, I know abuse, I know self hatred, and I’ve lived them for years at a time. By miracle after miracle, I’m still alive.
I don’t know if it will get better. It did for me. After just four short years since my life began to change, I’m healthy, strong, and full of love. I hope you find the same path I did.
I love you. I don’t know how, I don’t know you except for these candid lines. But somehow I feel that stirring in my soul that would reach out to you, embrace you, and fill your mind with hope and peace and wisdom as best as it could. Do whatever it takes, and don’t let anyone tell you that there isn’t more, better, out there because there always is. And maybe this pain is part of what it will take you to reach further. That is my faith, whenever I feel like giving up, I remember what my past is worth to me, and I must assume that the present will one day be just as valuable.
You’re not alone, I’m here for you. From a thousand miles away, I’m here for you.
And hey, your other posts suggest that things are looking up. You definitely have mastered self profession and optimism. But again, if you ever find yourself in darkness don’t forget this




aooborromeo says...


I don't struggle with substance abuse but I do receive therapy for depression, severe anxiety, and psychosis, so knowing you're here verbally over the chat validating me and giving me such nice supportive words... I'm a little choked up. Thank you %u2764%uFE0F%u2764%uFE0F%u2764%uFE0F%u2764%uFE0F%u2764%uFE0F%u2764%uFE0F%u2764%uFE0F%u2764%uFE0F%u2764%uFE0F



LilPWilly says...


I think you are one of the most genuine and inspiring people I%u2019ve seen on this site. %u2764%uFE0F



aooborromeo says...


Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I'm kriffing blushing! You mean it? I mean... I'm literally shedding tears right now



LilPWilly says...


Ofc loll



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Fri Feb 19, 2021 6:35 pm
illy7896 wrote a review...



This poem really put emphasis on many issues that people face to this day. It shows that many things contribute to addiction, self- denial, and hatred and the way that you have synced it all up together to create this tale of remorse was truly heart-breaking.

'I tried to find hands, doctors to hold me.

The diagnosis never came.

It’s my fault, they say.'

I really loved this line.

Additionally, you have also conveyed in the story of having that option to refuse, that opportunity to become better again, yet somehow, it still isn't your decision to make. Your life came down to your family, friends, doctors, even though it was your own. I also loved the ending with the ellipsis- it added to the feeling that you were gradually withering away from this world. You did such a great job illustrating emotions in this piece.

'The air is full of poisons.

The pollution is discussed everywhere,

in schools, the news.'

Could you somehow make this flow easier? Perhaps even listing 'in schools, the news' just to
break it apart and perhaps put more emphasis in it- could you also rearrange the structure to make it clearer?:

'The air,
Full of poison
The chemicals that bleach our body
Discussed everywhere:
The schools,
The news.'

This is just a suggestion and is completely up to you.

I enjoyed reading this poetry :)




aooborromeo says...


Thanks for the review! I actually really like the suggestion you made, I'll add it as soon as I have time! Thanks!



illy7896 says...


No problem



aooborromeo says...


I changed the line your mentioned up a bit. Do you like the fixes?



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Fri Feb 19, 2021 4:52 pm
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Caljoh says...



This is an amazing, heartfelt poem. It's really interesting to see someone's point of view on this topic and you knocked it out of the park with this. It is just amazing and weirdly something handled with care with such a sensitive topic like this. I loved it!




aooborromeo says...


Thank you! I'm blushing



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Thu Feb 18, 2021 11:10 pm
silented1 says...



Amazing poem, I did a dramatic reading of it in my room. So good. I am practicing with it. I changed some of the words though. Hope you don't mind. Love your poetry.

Practice cadence and doing a dramatic reading. Your poetry is perfect for it. Watch Rudy Franciso on YouTube. He's good.




aooborromeo says...


I love Rudy Francisco!!! I don't mind you changing the words, as long as it doesn't take away from the message. Btw, what did you change because I might add those changes?



silented1 says...


Not at all. I thought about the poem because I read it doing a dramatic reading.



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Thu Feb 18, 2021 5:57 pm
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nightshadows says...



Wow. This hit me hard. I love the way you use your feelings and string them into your poetry, it really makes the readers feel your emotions and notice the tribulations in your life at the moment. You are an amazing writer! Keep writing!!!




aooborromeo says...


Thank you! I'm blushing




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