Young Writers Society

I don’t know which parts of this are metaphors.
This is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine the horrible things that you have experienced. And by that I mean that imagining it hurts me.
I know addiction, I know abuse, I know self hatred, and I’ve lived them for years at a time. By miracle after miracle, I’m still alive.
I don’t know if it will get better. It did for me. After just four short years since my life began to change, I’m healthy, strong, and full of love. I hope you find the same path I did.
I love you. I don’t know how, I don’t know you except for these candid lines. But somehow I feel that stirring in my soul that would reach out to you, embrace you, and fill your mind with hope and peace and wisdom as best as it could. Do whatever it takes, and don’t let anyone tell you that there isn’t more, better, out there because there always is. And maybe this pain is part of what it will take you to reach further. That is my faith, whenever I feel like giving up, I remember what my past is worth to me, and I must assume that the present will one day be just as valuable.
You’re not alone, I’m here for you. From a thousand miles away, I’m here for you.
And hey, your other posts suggest that things are looking up. You definitely have mastered self profession and optimism. But again, if you ever find yourself in darkness don’t forget this

This poem really put emphasis on many issues that people face to this day. It shows that many things contribute to addiction, self- denial, and hatred and the way that you have synced it all up together to create this tale of remorse was truly heart-breaking.

'I tried to find hands, doctors to hold me.

The diagnosis never came.

It’s my fault, they say.'

I really loved this line.

Additionally, you have also conveyed in the story of having that option to refuse, that opportunity to become better again, yet somehow, it still isn't your decision to make. Your life came down to your family, friends, doctors, even though it was your own. I also loved the ending with the ellipsis- it added to the feeling that you were gradually withering away from this world. You did such a great job illustrating emotions in this piece.

'The air is full of poisons.

The pollution is discussed everywhere,

in schools, the news.'

Could you somehow make this flow easier? Perhaps even listing 'in schools, the news' just to
break it apart and perhaps put more emphasis in it- could you also rearrange the structure to make it clearer?:

'The air,
Full of poison
The chemicals that bleach our body
Discussed everywhere:
The schools,
The news.'

This is just a suggestion and is completely up to you.

I enjoyed reading this poetry

This is an amazing, heartfelt poem. It's really interesting to see someone's point of view on this topic and you knocked it out of the park with this. It is just amazing and weirdly something handled with care with such a sensitive topic like this. I loved it!

Amazing poem, I did a dramatic reading of it in my room. So good. I am practicing with it. I changed some of the words though. Hope you don't mind. Love your poetry.

Practice cadence and doing a dramatic reading. Your poetry is perfect for it. Watch Rudy Franciso on YouTube. He's good.

Wow. This hit me hard. I love the way you use your feelings and string them into your poetry, it really makes the readers feel your emotions and notice the tribulations in your life at the moment. You are an amazing writer! Keep writing!!!