He could change an angel into a demon
and a demon into an angel
He'll only come out at night
If you're in it for love, you ain't gonna get too far
I wouldn't if I were you, he could really rip your world apart
You couldn't help yourself with him
One touch and the angel in you vanished
And there was a devil in his eyes
That intrigued me
Persuaded me
To fall
In the pit
Of his love
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey friend! Ellie here with a quick review for you today
I hope you are doing very well! Let's jump right in:
I enjoyed the style that you wrote this poem in. It feels like telling a story, more than describing an emotional scene. It seems like this story is talking about falling in love with the devil or a demon. I could see this as being symbolic of a person that you arent meant to love, or someone who breaks the rules a lot.
It seems like he may be someone with a lot of control or power, almost like an addictive person. So just one touch can make you vanish forever.
This ending was cool. I love how you just had the words falling down, symbolizing this pit of love that you talk about. Its interesting because love is often seen as a good thing, but this poem describes his love as more of a trap. Overall, I think you did a wonderful job as building up his character really fast. The short lines kept us really engaged as well. Great work!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hello, My Friend!
This poem was amazing! I was drawn in by the demon theme (it's a running theme in my work lol) and it didn't disapppoint at all! I love both the obvious and underlying themes at play here. Invoking the demonic aspect implies a sort of sinful, conniving, possibly wicked nature in this specific case, contrasted by the gentleness and innocence of the angel. Both showing us the "yin and yang" nature of love.
*ahem, as far as a more technical review, I have nothing much to complain about. Definitely a free-style setup, so no patterns to go wrong with. Your word choice was spot on, telling a gorgeous story and building some vivid, gorgeous imagery.
My favorite part was this, here:
I felt like this was the perfect way to connect the "angels and demons" imagery to the theme of love and desire, and it worked SO good.
Overall, this poem was incredible, nicely done!
It seems my thing glitched Dont mind this.
Hello hello first off welcome to The Young Writers Society I hope you enjoy your time here. Secondly, I do apologize if this review is short however I will try to give you some helpful feedback. For a short poem, you do well to paint a picture of the type of person this is about, honestly, it gives me the same vibe as the song " My Oh My."
Overall I do like the use of angels and demons but I feel you push it a bit more. Perhaps by using imagery Such as Lucifer, God's beloved son who fell from heaven represents the darker side of life. You then could loop in the idea he is also known as the light bringer showing how looks can be deceiving. If not I feel the story of the story of Adam and Eve could fit this, building on the idea you are playing.
keep this in mind this could just be my creative process as I do love those kinds of parallels.
All in all, keep writing, Welcome and drink water!