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16+ Language Violence

Depression

by angelinamar


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Depression can be your worst enemy at times. I try and try and try to forget about my depression. Nothing seems to work. My friends and school are one of the many distractions from my depression. Therapists don’t help. They always ended up telling my mom everything we talked about, even though they just swore on they’re life they weren’t going to tell anyone what we talked about. Music only makes it worse. I can’t even write about my depression because someone will end up reading it. It's just me, myself, and my depression. We are besties until the end of time. When life turns it back on me, depression has my back. When my friends say something that upsets me, depression has my back. When I go to school, my depression vanishes. It’s still there, but not as active as it is when I’m at home. Sitting in class right now, my depression is slowly creeping up on me. Why won’t it leave me alone? Depression loves me like little kids love candy. I’m tired of being depressed. Where did all my happiness go? At school, I’m so happy and cheerful. Once I get on the bus to go home, all my happiness goes out the window. Sometimes I want to disappear and never come back. I wish I could fly away like a bird and never look back. I love my family and friends. I tolerate myself. I don’t hate my life, but I’m unhappy. Why? I don’t know. I have so much to be grateful for but it never seems to be enough. Have you ever been so depressed that you write your own suicide letter? I have. Have you ever been so depressed that you feel like no one would care if you committed the act? I have. I like distracting myself because then I won’t have to worry about my depression. I like being happy. Maybe that’s why I like partying so much. It makes me feel the happiness I crave for. “So much goin’ through my brain, I can barely think.” - Rod Wave. Sometimes I think about slitting my wrist and letting them bleed out everywhere. Sometimes I think about taking all of my medications and overdosing. I can’t say those things aloud though because I’ll be seen as a danger to myself and be sent to a behavioral hospital. My medications make me feel worse and the behavioral hospitals don’t help for shit. The government is just making money off of my insurance. My mom thinks these medications are helping me but in reality they just temporarily stop me from wanting to hurt myself. I don’t think I’d ever commit the act of suicide because I know what I want to do and be in life. I’m afraid even when I make it good in life, I’ll still be unhappy. That’s probably also why I can’t wait to have a kid because then I won’t be living for me, I’ll be living for my child. All I want is to be happy, is that too much to ask for?


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Tue Apr 02, 2024 4:09 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Depression can be your worst enemy at times. I try and try and try to forget about my depression. Nothing seems to work. My friends and school are one of the many distractions from my depression. Therapists don’t help. They always ended up telling my mom everything we talked about, even though they just swore on they’re life they weren’t going to tell anyone what we talked about. Music only makes it worse. I can’t even write about my depression because someone will end up reading it. It's just me, myself, and my depression. We are besties until the end of time. When life turns it back on me, depression has my back. When my friends say something that upsets me, depression has my back. When I go to school, my depression vanishes. It’s still there, but not as active as it is when I’m at home. Sitting in class right now, my depression is slowly creeping up on me. Why won’t it leave me alone? Depression loves me like little kids love candy. I’m tired of being depressed. Where did all my happiness go? At school, I’m so happy and cheerful. Once I get on the bus to go home, all my happiness goes out the window. Sometimes I want to disappear and never come back. I wish I could fly away like a bird and never look back. I love my family and friends. I tolerate myself. I don’t hate my life, but I’m unhappy. Why? I don’t know. I have so much to be grateful for but it never seems to be enough. Have you ever been so depressed that you write your own suicide letter? I have. Have you ever been so depressed that you feel like no one would care if you committed the act? I have. I like distracting myself because then I won’t have to worry about my depression. I like being happy. Maybe that’s why I like partying so much. It makes me feel the happiness I crave for. “So much goin’ through my brain, I can barely think.” - Rod Wave. Sometimes I think about slitting my wrist and letting them bleed out everywhere. Sometimes I think about taking all of my medications and overdosing. I can’t say those things aloud though because I’ll be seen as a danger to myself and be sent to a behavioral hospital. My medications make me feel worse and the behavioral hospitals don’t help for shit. The government is just making money off of my insurance. My mom thinks these medications are helping me but in reality they just temporarily stop me from wanting to hurt myself. I don’t think I’d ever commit the act of suicide because I know what I want to do and be in life. I’m afraid even when I make it good in life, I’ll still be unhappy. That’s probably also why I can’t wait to have a kid because then I won’t be living for me, I’ll be living for my child. All I want is to be happy, is that too much to ask for?


This is a incredibly powerful piece here. As someone who can relate to the feelings that are on display here, it hits especially hard and resonates so very strongly. The tone you use is just perfect for addressing a scenario like this. The way that there's not just this sense of talking about how sad one is, but rather you see this craving for happiness, this needing to not feel sad. Its a very powerful way to bring that point across, that being depressed is this unhealthy state of being beyond one's control despite what you do, and the fact that sometimes even if you don't have a circumstance in life that pushes you to that much darker place, depression itself can sometimes just unnaturally push you that way and give you thoughts that you very much would rather live without.

The only tiny piece of advice I would have here is to perhaps break this into two or three paragraphs just for ease of reading. Honestly the flow does not matter in this scenario, I'd even say a block of text of just cascading emotions actually works very well for the subject matter but splitting it into paragraphs would just make it a little bit easier to read.

Overall an incredibly powerful piece with thoughts that truly resonate very deeply with the reader. Just that one small thing to point but otherwise it absolutely gets a powerful message across really quite well.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




angelinamar says...


@ cacapants45 copied and pasted your comment



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Thu Mar 28, 2024 12:53 pm
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Caerulean says...



🫂 💙

I can relate to this. I wish you true and lasting happiness, friend, and true understanding from others. We will keep striving and we will not let depression win. Have patience and be kind to yourself. Breathe, and know that it is not a losing battle.

For some, it may be a long and recurring battle, lasting years even, but keep standing. Do not let yourself fall. It will not be easy. It will often feel hopeless. But refuse. Refuse hopelessness. Refuse despair.

And if you stumble, it is okay. A friend once told me (as cliché as that sounds) that progress is not linear. We'll always go through ups and downs, but we'll learn with each fall how to rise again and learn that we can indeed rise again.

Lastly, I know that my words may not resonate with you now or maybe ever, or maybe my words are unwanted. But to all of us who are struggling, keep breathing. Time may bring a greater hope than any of us can ever expect.




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Thu Mar 28, 2024 5:11 am
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OrabellaAvenue says...



This. Is. Beautiful. It made me cry. Thank you for writing. <33333333




angelinamar says...


%uD83E%uDEF6



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Thu Mar 28, 2024 2:10 am
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EllieMae wrote a review...



Howdy, friend :D My name is Ellie and I am happy to review this wonderful piece you write. The title stood out to me right away. I love pieces that are honest and raw and focus on deep emotions- this was all three. Let's get right into the review!

They always ended up telling my mom everything we talked about, even though they just swore on they’re life they weren’t going to tell anyone


In this line, it should be "their" instead of they're :)

I can’t even write about my depression because someone will end up reading it. It's just me, myself, and my depression. We are besties until the end of time.


I really like how you phrased these. There are so many thoughts you are sharing at once, but they are all so personal and I felt like I could really connect to what you were saying. What I really like about how your wrote this, is that it is all one long paragraph. It isn't quite a short story, but it is a very honest and reflective narrative piece.

My favourite lines were:

I’m afraid even when I make it good in life, I’ll still be unhappy. That’s probably also why I can’t wait to have a kid because then I won’t be living for me, I’ll be living for my child.


The first like really stood out to me! That is such a real fear to have. I cannot imagine that <33 The fear of still being unhappy despite every cure in the world is a challenging one to have for sure. And I love the follow up line you use, about wanting to have a child so that you can live for another person, not just you. That was really inspiring to read. I really admire the strength and courage you have to share this piece.

You end this piece really well:

All I want is to be happy, is that too much to ask for?


Asking a question is a great way to end here. It is not quite a cliff hanger, per say, but it definitely does engage me a lot more

I appreciate you sharing this! I am so glad you decided to join YWS and I hope to read more of your work soon. Please know you can always message me with any questions, or if you need a friend to talk to.

Take care! Your friend,
Ellie





Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
— Mark Twain