The Key to Autus, Chapter 3-4

by ajruby12

Published September 23, 2013

E - Everyone

In Short Stories

Chapter 3
Faith rolled over and groaned, still half asleep. She could feel heat in front of her face but her eyelids refused to open. A sharp pain in her leg made her jump and her eyes snapped open. A little bird sat in front of her, silently eying the pocket on her pants. She felt inside the pocket and found a piece of stale bread left from the meager rations the day before. She held it out to the bird, which pecked her hand sharply and snatched the morsel. "Ow.." She said, shaking her fist at the bird, which had hopped away. Then she looked up and saw a dying fire several feet in front of her. There didn't seem to be anyone around but when she tried to sit up, she found her legs tied to a stake driven in the ground. She muttered something to herself as she began to untie it. But before she could start, a rock flew a fraction of an inch past her head. She didn't dare look up, but saw, out of the corner of her eye, a pair of brown woodcutter's boots. "Trying to get out now, are we?" The deep voice boomed. She finally amassed the courage to look into his face and saw the same face of the kidnapper the night before, but now with a cocky grin plastered all over it. She huffed and turned away. "Huh.. Like you'd even care. You killed my love!" She said dramatically, tears starting to form. He simply chuckled. "Ha.. We didn't touch anyone except you, but if your "love" was taken by the Quetwons, I doubt he'd have much of a chance. Now, eat this." He tossed a small package at her feet. She turned her nose up at it. "I'm not going to eat any of YOUR food.." She said calmly, kicking it away. He was about to walk up and she could tell he looked angry, when another man, equally as burly, plopped down beside her. "You don't eat that, you starve.." He stated simply, shrugging his broad shoulders. She still wouldn't look at him. "I'm really not hungry.." She lied, hoping to discourage them. The second man snorted. "Sure, that's what they all say. But if you don't eat, you'll make a poor snack for the wolves." The man had a sudden smack landed on his cheek by a short woman, who, though she looked tough and dirty, still had pretty features. "You get out of here, Hunter. Mind your own business and stop harassing this young lady!" She hauled him off the ground and booted him roughly off to the side. The first man followed his buddy, sending a glare at the two ladies. Then, the woman turned to look at Faith and stated calmly. "Now, see here. I know it's not your fault really but you and your foolish snooping around our territory is going to get us found by the Quetwons. That'd make a big mess of their bodies and we don't want to do that. So if you could just go back.." Faith interjected. "But I can't! I'M the reason they're here in the first place!" She realized what she had just said and sank down, her head in her hands. The woman just smiled. "Like we didn't already know that.. But I suppose the best we can do is to get you out to your buddies.. Mitch!!" She yelled, and right on cue, the first man grumpily stood up and crossed his arms. "No doubt you know who this is. " The stout lady murmured. Faith glanced at the woman. "If you don't mind me asking, were you part of the group that was banished from Burnamor?" The woman looked indignant. "Indeed not! I'm forced to be the babysitter of those clowns over there AND their housekeeper AND their cook, maid, slave and everything else.." The woman's face looked rosy and flushed, her jaws clenched and obviously aggravated. Faith addressed the subject she wanted to ask cautiously. "If you don't mind, what can I call you?" The woman stopped for a moment. "Well.. I guess it's alright to tell you.. Ralni is my name." Faith smiled. "Ralni.. How pretty! My.." She was cut off by Mitch, who elbowed her roughly to the side. "C'mon, Ralni.. Let's get moving." Ralni reached out and smacked Mitch hard in the cheek, then grabbed the back of Faith's cloak, tossing her onto a horse's back. Ralni jumped up in front of Faith and smiled apologetically. "Sorry about that, miss.. We gotta get moving." As they trotted over the barren landscape, Faith told most of her story, excluding Gabe's reference to her abilities. Ralni listened with interest, especially when Faith told of how she'd been captured. Ralni shot a glance back at Hunter and Mitch, who were riding behind her horse. Ralni's lip curled in disgust. "Ugh.. Those two are the dumbest, most idiotic, and cruelest beings on Earth.." She muttered darkly. Faith couldn't help smiling and asked "Well then, why do you take care of them??" Ralni raised her eyebrows. "That's a long story, young lady, and not one I care to tell.. But I'm obliged to take care of those silly fools..." Faith closed her mouth fast and didn't say anything else for a while. About 20 minutes later, Ralni called a halt. "Stay here, miss.. I'm going to scout out any danger ahead." She gave Hunter and Mitch a severe look, then hurried ahead of the horses. Faith watched the dust cloud coming from the distant figure, when a rough hand grabbed her arm, yanking her off the horse. She landed hard on the ground, her hand pinned under her chest. Hunter was standing over her and grabbed the back of her shirt, hauling her back up to her feet. She almost fell over again, but steadied herself against the horse's side. Mitch had his face close to hers and Hunter was snickering cheekily behind him. "Now, little princess.. Your protector isn't here!" He looked at her skinny arms. "I could just break those right off.. And snap your neck too. And then break your legs. Then I'd do the same to that boyfriend of yours.. ." He didn't get any further as a punch landed in his stomach, then a kick to his knee, knocking him into Hunter. Faith stared coldly down at him, the long dagger Ralni usually wore clutched in her hand. "You touch me again, and you'll wish you had thrown yourself down a bottomless pit.." She landed another kick to his face, but he caught it, trying to knock her off balance. She jumped into the air and kicked his jaw with her other leg, smashing her elbow down on Hunter as she did. Mitch passed out, as did Hunter. Faith was breathing heavily and her eyes began to tear up, her breath coming in long gasps.

Chapter 4
"What did I just do??" She said out loud. She was startled by a touch on her shoulder, and turned her tear-stained face. Her eyes lit up when she saw Gabe standing there, a grin on his face. "Gabe!!" She squealed, throwing herself into his arms. He loosened her grip, winching. "Not there, Faithy.. Got one of my ribs broken in a fight." She pulled away. "Oh, sorry.. Are, um, you gonna be ok?" Her eyes were still dancing with delight, but looked at his chest in concern. Gabe looked at her in amazement."Am I gonna be ok? Look at you! You just beat up two fully-grown men, who are cold-hearted murders!" She grasped his hand and squeezed, a smile playing around her lips. "I'm fine.. Really I am!" She glanced over Gabe's shoulder and saw Josh and Christian looking at her. Josh had a black eye and a giant bruise forming on his skull. And Christian was no better off, with his right arm wrapped in a cast and his ear swelled up. "Goodness! What in the world happened to you two?" Faith exclaimed, her eyes wide. "Eh, got into a little fight.." Josh said casually. "Nothing to worry about." Christian followed up, tying to hide his swelled ear. But as he said this, a stream of yells emanated from the two men on the ground. "Seems they've woken up!" Gabe commented dryly, but as he turned, he saw Ralni running towards them, her face a picture of alarm. "Leave those two idiots! The Quetwons are preparing to rush us and capture this young lady! We need to act fast." Gabe started to say something, but Ralni cut him off. "It'll do no good to have her go off in another direction. We're surrounded and entrapped." "Oh, woe is us! We shall never get out of here!" A mournful voice called. Christian snorted in disgust. "She's still following us??" A young girl, who looked to be the same age as Faith, was standing a few yards away. She was clothed with a long black dress and her face was mournful and depressed. "This girl has been following us around, quoting all sorts of mournful poems and bewailing everything that's happened so far. We had to give her food so she wouldn't starve, but she's been following us around like a lost dog." Faith glanced at the girl, who was staring at her as in a daze. Faith cleared her throat. "You don't need to stand so far away.." Ralni, ever the sensible type, cut in. "We don't have TIME for that! The Quetwons are gathering on the outskirts of this place. We need to think of something fast!" Josh seized a axe that just happened to be lying at his feet and shouted "We'll fight!!" Micah, who had just appeared out of the blue, folded his arms and coughed. "What about going back through those tunnels? We might be able to get out of Burnamor after that, using the shuttle system.." "Pft." Gabe snorted contemptuously. "First off, Burnamor is either obliterated or swarming with Quetwons.. Secondly, to get to the tunnels, we'd have to go just a few yards in front of the Quetwons camp.. That would get us killed for sure." Faith sighed. "And this is all because of me.. I just wish I had died back in Burnamor.. Then they would've never gotten the key and they wouldn't have bothered us anymore!" It was Ralni this time who grabbed Faith's shoulders and spun her around, her voice growing harsh. "Faith! You are the only person with the key! If you died, would they really stop destroying everything in sight?" Ralni paused, her voice catching in her throat. "I was once a member of the Quetwons' crew.. I watched them destroy village, town, city and country, my heart as hardened as theirs." "What changed?" Faith asked hesitantly. "Nothing!!" Ralni snapped, and her eyes flashed warningly. Gabe gently pulled Faith away and murmured in her ear. "Just hush, Faithy.. It's not good to pry into people's personal lives." Faith was indignant and was about to say something back, when Christian yelled. "They're coming!!" Gabe leapt into action, seizing a rusty saber from a small pile nearby that Micah had collected from the ground. "Faith, stay at the back." He began, but Faith shook her head. "I can fight! Besides, what if they attack from the rear? And the middle is always hit the hardest.." She held up her hand, silencing Gabe before he could interject. "I know what I'm doing.. Just trust me!" He hesitated, but finally nodded and turned away, tossing a long sharp pike to Josh's waiting hands. Faith noticed a dagger handle sticking out of the dry ground and picked it up, brushing the loose soil off. "Hm.. This is pretty sharp." She murmured, then carried it to where Hunter was grumpily sharpening blades. Faith couldn't help but make a snide remark. "Seems you've got your fair share of bruises.." He didn't reply, his eyes turned down to the sword he was sharpening on the stone. Faith scoffed softly, placing the dagger on the heap of weaponry and walked away slowly, her arms folded. Everyone seemed to have already been outfitted with small plagon pistols, which were spring-loaded with shock darts, similar to tazers. Micah handed one to Faith, which she clipped to her belt. She noticed Hunter had finished her dagger and she strode over, ignoring him. But as her finger closed on the handle, Hunter grabbed her wrist and spoke softly. "You stay out of my way, I'll stay out of yours.. I'll fight this with you but after that, we're not on common grounds anymore.." He released her and went back to the arrowhead he was sharpening. She stalked off, still indignant but somehow reassured that he didn't plan to turn on them in the midst of the fight. Gabe smiled at Faith as she got closer, his arm held out and Ralni securing a metal plate onto it. Ralni handed Faith a plate, which was already custom altered to fit Faith's thin arm. She slipped it on and Ralni began to fasten it, murmuring to herself. "Don't have much time.. Hope we get out of this.." Faith squeezed Ralni's calloused hand reassuringly. "We'll be fine.. If we don't get out alive, at least we'll have taken most of them with us." "But what if they capture you?" Josh asked, pulling on a leather glove. "You can be assured I wouldn't give them the key, whatever it is, for all the pain or pleasure in the world." Faith replied, my voice still shaking. She looked at Gabe. "I feel so cold again.." She said softly, stepping closer to him. Gabe wrapped his strong arms around her, whispering in her ear. "I love you, Faith, Keybearer.. I always have, from the first time I saw you until now.. And I'll love you to my dying breath." Faith couldn't say anything, her voice choked by tears. She just clutched his leather jacket tight under her fingers and held on till Ralni spoke up. "They're getting closer.." Gabe pulled Faith away from his shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "Go out there and defeat them, Faith. I know you can do it." Faith gripped the light dagger tightly. "I'm ready." She said, trying to sound confident, even though her hands were shaking. Josh pawed the ground and Faith noticed for the first time a long, deep scar on the back of Josh's neck. She stared at it for a long while, then realized what she was doing and averted her eyes quickly. Mitch was sulking at the back of the group, a broadsword in his hands, which he gripped tightly, his jaw set firm. Hunter was still working on sharpening arrows, while Micah stood by impatiently, a bow in his hands. Gabe and Ralni stood in the front, their faces grim, watching the advancing ranks. Faith's stomach began to flop, her hands still shaking. "The war has begun.." Faith murmured, her eyes narrowing to cold slits.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
umaima
Review
umaima wrote a review Review · Sep 29, 2013

Hey :D

Okay I am ere for a quick review because of the lack of time my dear friend! Bu I will try to help as much as I can!

Starting with the title, it was really good. Now I have been seeing many titles and this one is one the amazing ones!

Plot was nice too. Though I haven't read it from the beginning I could quite get what your story was about!

The problem or the only flaw was, short chapters. Now short chapters are a sign of new or rushing writers. It's not good and people like brief descriptions about things so my preference to you : Try making your chapters lengthy

Also, after you make the chapters lengthy try not to post them together or else boom! The page will be flooded

That's all, it was a nice story and I bet without the little negatives it could have skyrocketed so keep up the good work and try harder! You will surely be able to do it!

Umaima

I make my chapters end when it ends.. I don't do it entirely on purpose, so the short chapters are NOT me rushing things, but rather the ending bit in my mind. And I post 2 at a time because of that.. But anyway, thank you so much for the review! :)

-Lady Ariana, The Silver Knight

User avatar
PeanutPhoebe
Comment
PeanutPhoebe commented Comment · Sep 23, 2013

All right my "complaints" and the things I like are pretty much the same as the first two chapters. Flows pretty well, except for some places and a good bit of the dialogue. I think you need to also split up the paragraphs a little better. Could use some more explanation. Great work!!

dragonfphoenix wrote a review Review · Sep 23, 2013

Knight Dragon, here to review!

"Ralni reached out and smacked Mitch hard in the cheek, then grabbed the back of Faith's cloak, tossing her onto a horse's back", what happened to the stake Faith's legs were tied to? Did that get pulled up as well, and did it hurt her?

"Christian followed up, tying to hide his swelled ear." Spelling error, "trying" not "tying".

"Josh seized a axe that just happened to be lying at his feet...". I don't know if it's the first rule, but never, Never, NEVER use "just happened to be" or "was coincidentally there" or anything like that. Ever. Just have him already have the axe and pull it off his belt or something.

"Faith replied, my voice still shaking", you mean "her voice still shaking".

Content:
First of all, beware the desire to substitute synonyms for "said". It's okay, and actually preferred, to use "said" as much as possible. If you feel like you're overusing "said", you're probably not using it enough.
Also, break up your quotes into new paragraphs for each speaking character. It's a little hard to read all clumped together.
I can't find the quote anymore, but when you're talking about Micah having piled weapons on the ground, where'd all those weapons come from? Is this an old battlefield they're standing on? And why do they just blindly accept Ralni, instead of asking at least a few questions? It seems like there's more I should say, but I can't seem to focus it into words right now.

Hope this helps!

Ha, I was actually just thinking over the absence of the stake. One note I'd like to make is that some of these sections were revised at rather early hours in the morning, so I probably missed a few things.
Yes, the section they were on was a battleground. That was kind of hidden deep in the first chapter. But I really appreciate the help and I'll get cracking on fixing those things.



Let the wild rumpus start!
— Maurice Sendak