E - Everyone

The Magician's Spell

(This is only a rough draft and is also the first semi-romantic short story I've ever done, sooo.. Please don't be too harsh on it.)

The Magician's Spell

    It didn't take long for me to slosh through the mud, my tattered skirt pulled above my ankles. I finally had enough money to buy a ticket to see John Silver, a famous magician that was considered one of the greatest in the world. But I suppose I ought to let you know how I am. I'm Rachael Wilkins, and I'm an orphan at 21 years old. Well, I'm not technically an orphan, but my parents completely disowned me because they hated my very face. And so I had to find my way in the rough world of London, England, living in the gutters and begging for money. But recently I started working for a vendor, and I at least got simple lodging in their basement. I've been evading the law too, since I couldn't bear to ever see my parents again. But anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. This isn't just my tale. I was almost kicked out of the theater because the door man thought I "wasn't good enough". But a kind passerby got me off the hook. And so I squeezed into a middle seat for the magic show, my stomach full of butterflies. My eyes roamed over the massive stage, taking in the several hundred people all gathered to see this famous magician. It almost seemed like a dream to see the splendidly dressed women and the sharp, well-groomed men all in one building, going to the same show and breathing the same air as me! I glanced at the faded dark blue dress that I had borrowed for this. It wasn't much, but at least it was something other than the rags I owned. But as I was lost in thought, the lights suddenly started to go down and a collective gasp arose from the audience as the great magician entered. As I directed my gaze, I was startled to see that he looked only twenty years old! Such a young age to be world famous. As he moved around the stage, my gaze was transfixed on his face. To my upmost surprise, he seemed to look right at me.

"It was just my imagination..." I told myself firmly, then hesitantly looked up. But he was already performing his first magic trick. He had a beautiful young girl lie down and get "sawn" in half. As the applause died down, the magician took out a deck of cards. He called for a volunteer from the audience. As nearly every hand rose, I hesitantly rose mine. 

"You, the girl in the blue dress." My heart stopped. Was he talking about me?? Yes, he was looking straight at me! I rose slowly and he motioned me forward. With trembling hands, I walked into the spotlight, unable to speak. He took my hand, smiling kindly. 

"What's your name?" 

"Rachael..." I somehow stuttered out. 

"Well, Rachael, can you pick a card out of this deck?" The rest went like a blur. I chose a card, something happened and everyone was cheering. As I turned to go, I glanced behind me, seeing his gaze follow me as I walked down the stairs. I quickly hurried back to my seat, ignoring the jealous glares from a group of young girls. I hardly looked up for the rest of the show, my heart being tugged side to side in a tug of war of emotions. The curtain finally fell and every person in the audience rose for a standing ovation. I slowly walked out of the theatre, deciding to get a breath of fresh air. I walked out the swinging doors, breathing in the cool wet air. As I stood there, I heard footsteps walking up. My eyes snapped open, seeing an attendant standing before me, a letter in his hand. 

"To Rachael. Is that you, miss?" I nodded quickly, taking the letter with shaking hands. I flipped it over, seeing a beautiful seal on it. I broke it open, taking out a hurriedly written letter. 

"Rachael, I knew as soon as I touched your hand that I loved you. Will you do me the honor of being my dinner guest tomorrow night? I would greatly appreciate it. I will have a taxi pick you up at the corner of Main street and 3rd.
- John L. Silver " 

I could barely breathe. Could this really be?? A rug rat girl, used to rummaging through petty scraps of food, the dinner guest of a magician?? It certainly wasn't possible. I pinched my arm, knowing that I'd wake up. But I stayed there in the chill London streets, cold and shaking with excitement.

   The next morning I woke to the usual kick of the vendor I worked for. As I pulled on my usual tattered pants and wool shirt, I could feel the excitement in the air. My stomach churned and I flew through my chores, my heart light as a feather. I kept the secret to myself, keeping the dress that I had borrowed. I said there was a stain on the shoulder, so I'd get it back to her tomorrow. 

"And she bought it too..." I chuckled to myself, pulling on the far too small leather shoes, and arranging my nut brown hair into a decent hairstyle. After making a few excuses for my going out, I stepped onto the street, hurrying uptown. Unfortunately, the rain started in earnest before I reached the street where a sleek taxi sat waiting for me. I slipped into the leather seats, sniffing in the fresh, clean smell. I stared out the window, dazzled by all the lights. There were no beggars here, only the rich and wealthy people. But I was surprised to find myself going out of the main city and instead into a more rural area. It wasn't hard to find the mansion at all. It sprawled over acres of beautifully trimmed grass, and even through the rain I could see the neatly kept gardens. After passing through the gate, I was driven up to the entrance. I was stunned as I stepped out of the car to see a handsomely dressed butler waiting for me. As I was escorted inside, I was embarrassed that even the maids were better clothed than me. They stared at me frostily, but were courteous enough when they found I was the dinner guest of John Silver. I hastily brushed off my dress, straightening the shoulders and adjusting the pins that held the fabric together. I looked up suddenly to see the wooden doors swing open to a huge dining hall. The butler straightened up regally, announcing loudly "Miss Rachael Wilkins". I dug my nails into my palm as I stepped into the hall. The door closed rather loudly behind me, making me jump. I saw a long dining table in front, and sitting there was John Silver himself.

   "Come, don't be shy." He said, but I could feel a slight hint of disgust at my appearance. After sitting delicately, I cleared my throat. 

"I apologize for my dress... It was borrowed and I.. I can't afford anyth...." 

"Don't worry about it." He cut me off, then smiled.

 "We can get you something better later on. Ah, here's the food." A roast duck, many types of fruits and some sort of vegetables were set on the table. More things were put down, but I was too giddy to figure out what they were. I was served a large portion of food, and it was all I could do to eat it slowly. John ate slowly and I could feel his eyes on me. I finished and blushed as I realized John was still eating. He put aside his food, his face growing serious. 

"Now, what I called you here for." The way he worded it made my stomach churn. A hundred fairy tales flooded to my mind of a poor girl being swept off her feet by a rich man who falls in love with her. My stomach was full of butterflies as I waited with anticipation. John took a deep breath.

 "Ever since I saw you, I knew you were the one... Just the way your eyes sparkled and your hair fell gently around your glowing face... This may be too fast, but..." He knelt, holding up a gorgeous diamond ring. 

"Will you marry me?"

  

   My breath caught in my throat and I could only stare at him. He cleared his throat politely and I realized I was gawking at him. I could only manage a nod in my surprise. He smiled, but it somehow seemed a cold smirk. He took my hand, kissing it gently. 

"I'll have a servant inform the vendor that you won't be going back there. Oh, dessert has come!" A platter of all manner of sweet things was set in front of me. Having only had a few samples of sugar my whole life, the amount that I ate made me nauseous. But I bore it, reveling in the glorious taste. When I had finished, John called a servant to his side. 

 "Hire a wedding planner at once. I'll give you specifications for decor tomorrow morning. Oh, and contact the baker. The cake has to be perfect and huge. Make sure to invite plenty of people. This'd better be news all over the world" The servant bowed. 

"It will be taken care of, sir." John called yet another servant, motioning to me. 

"Be sure to make the wedding dress beautiful and glamorous. I can't have my bride looking like a dump." I was taken aback. Did I truly look that bad? He took my hand, kissing it lightly. I forced a believable smile, but inside I was panicking. It was all going far too fast! I wasn't ready for this! But before I could hardly think, I was whisked away to a hot bath and new silk clothes. I was taken into a huge bedroom, with a beautiful glass window as the centerpiece. As soon as the door closed, I hurried over to the window, and opened it. Sprawling lawns, gardens and ponds met my gaze. Beyond the grounds, rolling hills accented the valleys. I could see houses scattered around the area, snuggled tightly between masses of grass and far too many fields to count. I sighed, my heart longing to walk through a field of grain or sit in a valley full of flowers. This life wasn't pleasing, to have people waiting on your beck and call. But my mind was far too full to think further. I yawned, stumbling over the marble floor to the king bed. I flopped into it, falling asleep almost immediately. I tightly clutched in my hand the ring, which now simply seemed like a chain to tie me to this life of pomp and power.

   "Morning, miss. I've prepared your bath for you." I rubbed my eyes, nearly falling out of the bed as I stretched. As usual, I had been sleeping on the very edge, too used to the tiny cot I used to sleep on. After a relaxing hot bath, I was herded downstairs to a "small" sewing room, which seemed like a grand hall. Two grueling hours went by as I was measured, fitted with the wedding gown and poked numerous times with pins. Finally, the weighty gown was finished but before I could even look at it, I was pulled away again to some sort of beauty routine. I caught a glimpse of John, arguing heatedly with the caterer, surrounded by piles of food. Another boring hour went by as I was pampered. My scraggly hair was cleaned, scrubbed and trimmed. After that, my rough feet were scraped and rubbed till I was positive they'd rubbed away. Finally, I had a short break while the stylists bickered about makeup and hair. I ran my hand through the pond water, watching the brightly colored fish circling around my fingers, one even nibbling at a fingertip. I smiled, reveling in the peace and quiet of the courtyard. But my smile faded as several maids marched up to me, nearly hauling me back to the hair and makeup. My face was plastered with things I'd never heard of and my hair was twisted to such proportions I had to bite my lip to stop from screaming. But finally the wedding gown was placed around my shoulders and a large mirror was brought. I gasped, astonished. I looked like a fairy tale princess, with the type of hair only found in a story and my gown trailing a mile behind me. Still, my heart felt heavy. This wasn't me... I didn't belong to this body, to this place. It was all so fake and plastic. How could I live this life?

   I don't think I need describe the wedding. Think of the most beautiful venue and all the white sparkles you can believe. The ring was beautiful and the whole thing was indeed magical. For everyone but me. I was deeply concerned of that look in John's eyes during the ceremony. A look of triumph. Of pride. An almost evil gleam in his eyes. After the spectacular evening, I was walking in the garden, devoid of the gown and all the pomp. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned, seeing a young maid standing before me. There was a pitying look in her eyes as she took my hand, silently pulling me to a window that looked into the grand hallway. I could faintly hear John talking to a butler. 

"Be sure to make a grand announcement of this to my parents. In fact, make it to the whole world! A wedding announcement to all those idiotic chancellors and petty magicians. I've found my bird and I'm showing her to the world." The butler nodded his head, asking gravely. 

"And what should I tell the young miss?" He shrugged. 

"Anything, as long as she still thinks I love her dearly. I couldn't risk having her upset, at least not yet." I pulled back from the window, staring at the young maid. She took my hand, squeezing it gently as she wiped away a tear from her own cheek. She pointed to the gate, tapping her wrist. I gulped, looking at the gate, then back to the mansion. How could I be so rash as to leave? But my mind was soon made up. I grabbed several simple outfits from my wardrobe, also grabbing my old clothes which I had stashed under my bed. After a frightening moment where I was almost caught, I slipped out of the gate, casting one last look at the rolling mansion, then ran towards the calm hills and humble abodes, tears flowing from my eyes as I again clasped the ring, which was still on my finger. I skidded to a halt, staring at the diamond. In a spurt of anger, I ripped off the ring, flinging it on the ground.

   It was raining heavily as I slowly walked away from the hills, tears mingling with the rain pouring down my face. I must have knocked on fifteen doors, begging for some food. But all the doors were slammed in my face, with one person having thrown a bucket of compost after me. Now, soaking, smelly and exhausted, I stumbled into sight of a town. I bought a scratchy blanket, hiring the cheapest taxi I could to get me back to London. I was bundled in the back of the cab, shivering but glad to be going back to the only home I ever really had. Finally we reached the edge of the city and I payed the driver, then hurrying from his horrible rank smell. Living in the mansion, even for a day, had made me soft, I'm sure. I would have to go back to the street girl, fighting for every scrap of food and living in filth. 

"It's how I'm supposed to live!" I tried to assure myself, but I missed that life of luxury... Wonderful food, clothes.... John. I hurried down the street, fighting back the threatening tears. This was my life and I was sticking to it. People like me don't belong in the high life. Still, I felt a great longing to wander among those peaceful gardens again, so quiet and calm.

   I heard the shouting before they were in sight. The frantic shouts of "Rachael!!! Where are you? Rachael!" I huddled in the dark of an alleyway, hugging my knees tightly. I wanted with all my heart to leap out and scream for him to come and take my hand and hug me. But he had betrayed me! 

"He never loved you! He was just using you." Bitter tears coursed from my flushed face. I looked up with red rimmed eyes, seeing the disappearing figure of John and several more men. I made a final decision. I was going to tell him. I got up and just as I opened my mouth to yell, I heard a chuckle behind me. 

"Has the little girl been crying?" I spun around, facing three grown men. I took a step back, intending to run but another circled behind. The biggest of the four was tapping a crowbar against his palm, a leer on his face. However, before he could say another word, one of the smaller of the four pipped up. 

"Did you see who that guy was who just went by??" The giant rolled his eyes. 

"Spit it out! Don't stand there like a grinning monkey." 

"It was John Silver!" The giant's face lit up, fiery eyes locking on me as he digested the information. "So this is his new bride?? Got separated from your lover boy, huh?" He tapped the bar on my shoulder. I glared at him, my jaw tightly shut. He chuckled again. 

"She ought to bring a pretty penny, eh?" Before any of the four could react, I was screaming as loud as I could. 

"JOHN!!! Help!!! JO..." I was grabbed from behind and a cloth was stuffed into my mouth, but I could see the shadows stop, turning. I tried to scream around the cloth but the giant lunged at me. The last thing I saw was his horribly ugly face, before a heavy blow from the bar knocked me out cold.

   I woke up suddenly, sitting up but immediately regretting it. I reached a hand to the back of my head, looking around. I was back in the mansion and sunlight was pouring through the huge glass window. The large doors opened and one of the maids, Trisha, waddled in with a tray. When she saw me awake, she squealed happily. 

"Missus is awake!!" She clattered the tray on the night table beside my bed and plopped her elbows on the mattress. She immediate started jabbering. 

"I saw master John getting real upset after you left. 'e was all like, 'I've gotta go find her! I can't leave 'er alone! I love her so much!!' " Trisha sighed happily. 

"Caw, I wish someone loved me like that." Before I could say anything, she was going on again. 

"As soon as he found the ring stuck in the ground, 'e got the limousine driver to step on it to London. I heard he was almost crying!" A single tear coursed down my face, completely ignored by the excitable maid. 

"Anyway, after he heard your scream, he was running back to the nasty robbers. There was a dozen in front of him, all huge and snarling!" 

"It was four..." I reminded her gently. 

"Yeah, yeah..." She brushed off my comment. 

"Anyway, there were the fourteen huge guys. And he hit the first guy in the nose, kicking another one. Then he in the fray, kicking n flailing about, and they was all whining!" A fire lit in the maid's eyes as she went on and on. She demonstrated the spin-jumping-flip kick that John had apparently done and knocked over the tray with her foot. Blushing immensely, she started collecting the broken pieces of the tea pot. We both jumped as the door swung open again and in came the dashing figure of John. I threw my arms over him, burying my face in his shoulder. 

"I'm never gonna let you go..." He said softly, kissing the top of my head. After a sweet moment, he laid me back on the bed. "You're looking better. Trisha... Trisha, are you gonna stand there all day? C'mon, go get the miss some more tea." She bobbed a quick curtsy, scurrying out of the room with as much haste as her sizable short frame could muster. John chuckled softly. 

"I assume she's been talking your ear off." I smile slightly. 

"I don't mind... What really did happen though?" John sighed. 

"I had to deal with 2 of the men. But they're cowards really... The last two ran off as soon as they saw me whaling on the first. You had a pretty bad bump." 

"And he carried you back the whole way, right in his arms!" John blushed, turning to the door. "Trisha! You use your ears and mouth far too much." The giggling girl's laughter echoed down the hallway. I touched the lump, saying softly "Thank you...". He touched my shoulder, smiling. "I'm so sorry for being the way I was... All I've ever known is getting what I want, and I didn't want to lose you." I could tell there was something he was holding back. 

"What's wrong??" 

"My... My company dropped me today. They said I wasn't focusing enough on my work." I stared at him with wide eyes. 

"What are you going to do??" He shrugged. 

"I'm not sure yet. But whatever I do, I want to do it with you." He got down on one knee, taking my hand. 

"No more lies, no more tricks. Rachael, will you give me another chance?" My heart beat faster in my chest and I flung myself at him, grasping him around the neck. 

"I will! For real this time."

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
BlackGlove Comment

This story is really good i like it and i dont like alot of stories like this but this was really interesting. i honestly can say that i would like to see more like this. its characters are great and the plot is fairly good there are some things i didnt like about it tho but all around it was a great story :)

Thank you! It's still a work in progress.

User avatar
keystrings
Review

Hey there! Really interesting start to this story! I really am enjoying this so far! First things first, I like the main character a lot, and you got me to feel very sympathetic for her rather quickly; the man, I didn't care for as much, since I had a very bad feeling about this magician... the little sneak. I liked the minor characters as well, besides the creepy men, like the different maids. Moving on, I do agree with liveandbreathewords that cutting down your paragraphs is a very good idea. Sometimes, that can scare off readers very quickly, which is what you do not want, am I right? In addition, I would recommend you take away the second question mark, since it takes away from the story.
I liked how quickly John sort of showed his true colors, and that the heroine was smart enough to dash off, but my mind is still a little boggled by the end! Still, you got me really interested! All in all, thumbs up! Thanks for writing this, and have a great day!
Love,
Perks

Thanks for the feedback! And yes, I know everything went too quickly, but I haven't had the time to expound upon it.

You're welcome! That's okay, take your time! :-)

I really did enjoy this story of yours. But, I am, fortunately and unfortunately, a grammar Nazi, so let's get on with it *cracks knuckles.*

First off, I'm not sure if this was just me, but I think that you should space the larger paragraphs into smaller ones, giving it a much nicer appearance and also making the piece easier to read.

Also, in that first large monster paragraph, you didn't really hook me. I kept reading (good thing I did) because 1) I saw that there was potential for your story to get better (which it did, don't panic) and 2) I hate not finishing things unless I truly cannot bear them. Anyway, back to reviewing-- along with spacing that big ol' monster more often, I think you should make us FEEL her depression. I mean, her parents disowned her, she's poor, and living on the streets in rags!! Make us FEEL it, man!!!

I know that the entire structure of a story is important, but I feel that the beginning is more so. It's what hooks your readers, makes them gasping, questioning, CLAWING for more and yet----

See? You need to give me more EMOTION. Not only do we need to feel our hearts ache when she speaks of her current living situation, but we want to rally and cheer for her stroke of good luck when she mentions that she has the opportunity to see this John Silver fellow.

Now, I wouldn't be my obnoxious self unless I gave an example, now would I? Here we go:

"Tired. That's how I felt. Tired of sloshing through the mud, tired of hiding from law enforcement, tired of struggling day in and day out just to get something to eat on the unforgiving London streets-- I felt tired. So tired. And upset, and angry. But tired, upset, and angry is no way to go through life--especially if the subjects of your anger and the causes of both your exhaustion and your current emotional turmoil are your parents. Not even if they have disowned you, but that was alright, at least for now.

In a stroke of luck, I managed to catch a job working for a street vendor--and I finally had enough money to buy a ticket to go see John Silver, world-famous magician; which is, in fact, the place I was on my way to just that very moment.

After too much walking, I reached the theater at last. I had a quick run-in with one of the doormen, but I still got in alright. Being a street rat has ups and downs: for this situation, I was happy to even be around these classy people, to even be at the show! Unfortunately, I had to borrow a nice dress, which was still not nice enough; but it didn't matter, nobody was looking at me anyway. Well, not for long, at least...."

Okay, well that ended up being very long...oops. But I'm just going to continue reviewing...yeah, that's a good idea... Okay, so a little grammatical error, when you were talking about what the doorman thought of her. Whenever you have quotation marks with a period, make sure that you write the period first, not the other way around. In other words, ." yes, and ". no.

I also feel as if she should pay more attention to what is going on. I mean really, I know she's all humble and whatnot, but if a handsome magician started paying attention to you when he could have practically any girl he wanted, would you allow yourself to miss a moment of that? I know I sure wouldn't ;) Kidding, kidding (not really)

Okay, I've been thinking as I've been writing and I simply couldn't come up with a more delicate way to say this, so here goes: the letter? That was pretty creepy. "I touched you and now I love you. Come to my house?" Geez, that would ruin the magician fantasy for me. (I may be joking around, but that's just who I am--I promise, nowhere in this review will I make fun of you or your work, I just try too hard to be funny :( )

Back to being serious, though, I don't think he should just come out and tell her that she loves her. Again, creepy, and also it provides no suspense! Personally, I like to write romance stories, but don't just fill it with mush and gush- it gets tiring after a while. Couples are supposed to be like best friends-- so write them that way!! It's more realistic and so much more fun. Plus the added suspense of "When will they fall in love?" or "Will they just kiss already?!" will keep your readers hooked and frustrated, so that they will keep reading what you write ;) just thought I'd throw that in there, because I had to learn that the hard way.

Man, I get sidetracked so often! Stop it, me! Okay, um, the letter, right. So, maybe he could just say something along the lines of "I couldn't help but notice you tonight; perhaps we could get to know each other better over dinner? Tomorrow night, a taxi will pick you up at the corner of Main Street and 3rd." Or something like that. For some reason, we girls like cocky, arrogant, *insert not-so-nice name here*. Perhaps you can make him that kinda guy who also has a sweet side, or you could make him super sweet and have him be polite and have nice manners (basically, a Will Herondale or a Jem Carstairs. If you don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to look them up).

" I pinched my arm, knowing that I'd wake up. But I stayed there in the chill London streets, cold and shaking with excitement. "

That statement right there, I loved that. Perfect! Keep going with stuff like that ^^^

The next paragraph? That was pretty great too. Again, just space it more.

The following events, however, moved too fast for me. I'm figuring this is old-time London, where marriage was a bargaining chip and whatnot, but still the pace of this is quite unreasonable. If some guy told you he loved you because he touched/saw you, then invited you to his house for dinner, then proposed to you right there, would YOU say yes? I sure wouldn't. What about his personality?

If you really want to have them get married quickly, you could pull a Beauty and the Beast kinda thing and make him capture her or whatever and she slowly falls in love with him, or you could have each of them wait and get to know each other first. Just saying.

Ah. Makes more sense now... Still, though, I cannot imagine a woman dense enough to accept such an offer from a man she only knows by name and appearance. Perhaps you could still change that bit?

The story was getting really good, and then you had to end it. The ending was unsatisfying to me--I'm not cheering for the main character, I'm just thinking about how much of a complete dope she is. Anyway, that was fun.

Keep writing!
~liveandbreathewords~

Believe me, I can take all the critique. :)

But yes, I agree with almost everything you've said. I'm horrid about proper format, but I'm working on it, slowly but surely. As I said, this is only the first draft. Personally, I'm not into romantic stories what so ever, so any type of romance is very difficult for me to write. But I have been attempting to branch out into different genres. Who knows! I might produce a horror somewhere along the line! (But I doubt it)

Well then I can't wait to read more :)



"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
— We Bought A Zoo