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In Dreams We Wander

by adelaide459


Dark as night

Silent as death

Cold as ice

Loving as a last breath

    

We wander aimlessly

Knowing not what we seek

What we’ll find

Who we will meet

        

 Endlessly we dream

Nightmares

And daydreams

Wishes came true

Our worst fears come to life

      

Then we wake

Left wanting

Confused

Scared

In pain

         

What reason do we have to dream

Left to wander in times flowing stream

We call out into the silence

We hear nothing but an echo of our pleas

      

In dreams we wander

Aimlessly searching

Praying we are not alone

      

At night we rest

Only to return to our dreams

This time different

Then what before they seemed

      

Bright as fire

Loud as a hurricane

Hot as lava

Heartless as an angel

      

We seek to follow

The path we see

Laid out before us

Where does it lead

      

Continuously we sleep

Daydreams

Lucid dreams

Epic dreams

Our greatest memories replay all night

       

Then we wake

Left happy

Content

Joyous

And sated

      

But what reason do we have for dreams

Following the winding path to where it leads

Singing with glee

Bells ringing in harmony

     

In dreams we wander

Hopefully searching

Dancing in ecstasy

      

In dreams we wander

Searching hopelessly

Calling sorrowfully


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21 Reviews


Points: 19
Reviews: 21

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Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:51 pm
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Zrillis wrote a review...



this piece is intriguing. it has deep thought behind it and its over all word layout. I enjoyed this piece, and would like to share my thoughts.

in the mid part, I felt like the rhyme scheme was missing, then I realized this was purposely. I didn't like that until I realized and when I did I really liked the flow break up I felt was there. I am not good at writing poems so I wont dive too deep, but the overall influence I felt from this poem was really powerful and I enjoyed reading it alot




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138 Reviews


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Reviews: 138

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Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:31 pm
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Hkumar wrote a review...



Hey there. I just came across your poem and found it really interesting. From the opening stanza itself you brought vividness with good choice of words in the form of simile.The flow between different lines was smooth and the true meaning of the poem could be felt easily without much difficulty.
You repeatedly used the word 'wander' and I think it really worked in the context in which the poem was written,
drawing readers’ attention, and contributing to its meter and rhythm.
This refraining line "In dreams we wander"is creating rhythm as well as emphasizing the idea.
Though the only problem I felt in reading the poem was there were no breaks which I suppose has also been pointed out by other reviewers as well . Punctuation marks would have been much more helpful to create a pause while reading so that the reader could emphasis more on the idea on which the poem has been written.

Apart from that I really appreciate your work and felt a pleasure reading it. Keep writing well !!




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33 Reviews


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Reviews: 33

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Sun Dec 30, 2018 11:13 pm
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Oxara wrote a review...



Hey there Adedlaide Ox here for a review. Before then I am just going to say I am not the best at poetry and this will be the first poem I have ever reviewed! So bare with while I learn poetry.

First impressions-
"We wander aimlessly
Knowing not what we seek" It was here that I started getting really exited for the rest of the peice and it is only in stanza two which is really cool.

Furthermore the topics and themes is pretty interested and as I think it is a really awesome topic to portray in poetry

Constructive Criticism-
As a newbie to poetry I don't have as much I normally do to comment on however there's a bit I think you could use.

"We call out into the silence"- At first I thought this was a reference to the top stanza and I thought it was really powerful when you did. So I think it would be really cool if you did further reference aka to the dark, cold and love you say in the first stanza. Perhaps say something like "We wander in the cold" which would fit rather easily with the rest of the poem I believe. Again I don't know how it would turn out but I just think that it would be that much more powerful.

Praises-
So as new person to poetry I barley know any of the formats, strategy anything along that nature; However, this felt really easy to read was easily understood and I felt like I didn't need to know poetry to understand it which some poetry I read I would only understand it more after I read more poetry or asked about it's format ect. So I think you did a really good job with that. Furthermore I think you portrayed the topic really well and that your poetry ended itself well to topic and themes in it.

Conclusion-
This was a really awesome piece and was really welcoming for a first poem to review. The topic lends itself well to your poetry and you pulled it off really well. I was really impressed with how powerful it was and how easily read it was. While I am sure if I was more experienced with poetry I could offer more Criticism I believe that both novices like myself and more veterans of poetry can enjoy this piece. really well done!

keep on writing!

Ox




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562 Reviews


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Mon Dec 10, 2018 2:07 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi Shikora here with a review.

I really liked this poem. It was a really neat idea. It wasn't to hard to under stand, and it wasn't to long ether. Not that i don't mind reading long poems. Anyway, I really liked the name to the poem, and you expressed what you meant to say really well.
I also like it that this poem was in short sentences, it made the read a lot smoother and easier. As I read I also noticed that some of the words in your poem rimed with some of the others, that made reading it really fun and interesting.

Anyway, time to get down to the review.

Now as I read though this lovely work of yours, i did see one or two things that I should point out. So lets start.
To point out what I mean I'll use this to explain.

What reason do we have to dream

Left to wander in times flowing stream

We call out into the silence

We hear nothing but an echo of our pleas


There is only two things I can point out that could make this a lot better. I suggest that you add in some full stops, and some comers. For instance.

What reason do we have to dream,

Left to wander in times flowing stream.

We call out into the silence,

We hear nothing but an echo of our pleas.

by doing this it allows us the reader sometime to take a break.

So that's all i can really find that was bugging me wile I read it. I really liked reading this poem and I really liked reviewing it. I really hope that you write more poems and keep up the good work. I hope you never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D




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103 Reviews


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Reviews: 103

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Mon Dec 10, 2018 3:44 am
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AmadeusW wrote a review...



I love this! I love the way you take the reader on a journey in the poem. It is really well written. There are a few points that are small but could easily be fixed.
One: the line "What we'll find". Consider maybe making that "What we will find" depending on how you want the rhythm to flow.
Two: "Left to wander in times flowing stream" the typo is "times", should be "time's".
Three: The ending line "Calling sorrowfully" doesn't feel very finishy to me. I think it was the "sorrowfully" part that made it seem to cut off in an odd fashion. Consider maybe finding a shorter word with a similar meaning, unless you want to keep that word there for your own reasons.
Four: This is entirely author's preference, but punctuation is usually present in poetry to help guide the reader, but you don't have to necessarily do that. But it is recommended that you put some punctuation at the end of the lines.
Hope this helps! Good job!





"Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein