Young Writers Society

this piece is intriguing. it has deep thought behind it and its over all word layout. I enjoyed this piece, and would like to share my thoughts.

in the mid part, I felt like the rhyme scheme was missing, then I realized this was purposely. I didn't like that until I realized and when I did I really liked the flow break up I felt was there. I am not good at writing poems so I wont dive too deep, but the overall influence I felt from this poem was really powerful and I enjoyed reading it alot

Hey there. I just came across your poem and found it really interesting. From the opening stanza itself you brought vividness with good choice of words in the form of simile.The flow between different lines was smooth and the true meaning of the poem could be felt easily without much difficulty.
You repeatedly used the word 'wander' and I think it really worked in the context in which the poem was written,
drawing readers’ attention, and contributing to its meter and rhythm.
This refraining line "In dreams we wander"is creating rhythm as well as emphasizing the idea.
Though the only problem I felt in reading the poem was there were no breaks which I suppose has also been pointed out by other reviewers as well . Punctuation marks would have been much more helpful to create a pause while reading so that the reader could emphasis more on the idea on which the poem has been written.

Apart from that I really appreciate your work and felt a pleasure reading it. Keep writing well !!

Hey there Adedlaide Ox here for a review. Before then I am just going to say I am not the best at poetry and this will be the first poem I have ever reviewed! So bare with while I learn poetry.

First impressions-
"We wander aimlessly
Knowing not what we seek" It was here that I started getting really exited for the rest of the peice and it is only in stanza two which is really cool.

Furthermore the topics and themes is pretty interested and as I think it is a really awesome topic to portray in poetry

Constructive Criticism-
As a newbie to poetry I don't have as much I normally do to comment on however there's a bit I think you could use.

"We call out into the silence"- At first I thought this was a reference to the top stanza and I thought it was really powerful when you did. So I think it would be really cool if you did further reference aka to the dark, cold and love you say in the first stanza. Perhaps say something like "We wander in the cold" which would fit rather easily with the rest of the poem I believe. Again I don't know how it would turn out but I just think that it would be that much more powerful.

Praises-
So as new person to poetry I barley know any of the formats, strategy anything along that nature; However, this felt really easy to read was easily understood and I felt like I didn't need to know poetry to understand it which some poetry I read I would only understand it more after I read more poetry or asked about it's format ect. So I think you did a really good job with that. Furthermore I think you portrayed the topic really well and that your poetry ended itself well to topic and themes in it.

Conclusion-
This was a really awesome piece and was really welcoming for a first poem to review. The topic lends itself well to your poetry and you pulled it off really well. I was really impressed with how powerful it was and how easily read it was. While I am sure if I was more experienced with poetry I could offer more Criticism I believe that both novices like myself and more veterans of poetry can enjoy this piece. really well done!

keep on writing!

Ox

Hi Shikora here with a review.

I really liked this poem. It was a really neat idea. It wasn't to hard to under stand, and it wasn't to long ether. Not that i don't mind reading long poems. Anyway, I really liked the name to the poem, and you expressed what you meant to say really well.
I also like it that this poem was in short sentences, it made the read a lot smoother and easier. As I read I also noticed that some of the words in your poem rimed with some of the others, that made reading it really fun and interesting.

Anyway, time to get down to the review.

Now as I read though this lovely work of yours, i did see one or two things that I should point out. So lets start.
To point out what I mean I'll use this to explain.

What reason do we have to dream

Left to wander in times flowing stream

We call out into the silence

We hear nothing but an echo of our pleas

What reason do we have to dream,

Left to wander in times flowing stream.

We call out into the silence,

We hear nothing but an echo of our pleas.

I love this! I love the way you take the reader on a journey in the poem. It is really well written. There are a few points that are small but could easily be fixed.
One: the line "What we'll find". Consider maybe making that "What we will find" depending on how you want the rhythm to flow.
Two: "Left to wander in times flowing stream" the typo is "times", should be "time's".
Three: The ending line "Calling sorrowfully" doesn't feel very finishy to me. I think it was the "sorrowfully" part that made it seem to cut off in an odd fashion. Consider maybe finding a shorter word with a similar meaning, unless you want to keep that word there for your own reasons.
Four: This is entirely author's preference, but punctuation is usually present in poetry to help guide the reader, but you don't have to necessarily do that. But it is recommended that you put some punctuation at the end of the lines.
Hope this helps! Good job!