There was a girl once.
The Palest blue eyes.
As if made from ice.
They held her joy.
They held her laughter.
But they also displayed her pain.
Displayed her sorrow.
.
Was once the girl who they all knew.
Once the girl who was everyone's friend.
Once the girl who never cried.
Once the girl who didn't know sadness.
Once the girl who always smiled.
The girl with the pale blue eyes.
.
But then one day changed.
No one knew how.
Not a soul knew why.
No one knew when.
Something changed her, the girl with pale blue eyes.
.
She no longer smiled.
She no longer laughed.
She never said why.
No longer the same, the girl with pale blue eyes.
.
From joyous and kind.
To sorrowful and cruel.
She began to cry, the girl with pale blue eyes.
.
Screaming, kicking, begging, praying.
She began to fade, the girl with pale blue eyes.
.
No longer the girl with the pale blue eyes.
.
She became the girl with the soulless gray eyes.
.
She became someone nobody knew.
The girl with the dull gray eyes.
.
Her friends never saw her.
Her teachers no longer knew her.
The shadows became her friend, the girl with the dull gray eyes.
.
She cried in the silence of night.
She screamed in the depths of her dreams.
She trembled in the embrace of her anger and terror.
Her fear was her lover, the girl with the dull gray eyes.
.
No one ever knew what happened to her.
What made her have such a heartbreaking change.
Her friends all gave up trying.
Her teachers stopped caring.
So she gave up, the girl with the dull grey eyes.
.
The girl with dull gray eyes.
Eyes filled with her pain and sorrow.
Gray like storm clouds in rainy weather.
Dull as the leaden sky in a hurricane.
Eyes full of raw anger and hate.
Some believed they were staring into the eyes of Achlys herself.
.
The girl with the pale blue eyes was no more.
Her eyes no longer held her joy
They no longer embraced her laughter.
They lost their colour, pale as ice.
They screamed of her sorrow.
They cried of her pain.
The girl with the dull gray eyes she’s known as now.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Ugh, wish I could like this more than twice
Awesome! There's more tears now! Your poetry makes me cry and I love it! I feel bad for her. I just want to find her and hug her because hugs fix everything!
hello, Ash here for a review
this poem is truly beautiful. thank you so much for sharing this!
i just have one thing to call you out on
i love the fact that you have all periods and no other form of puctuation, i think that was a good choice on your part, however,
is there any signifigance in the line
"She became someone nobody knew"
not having a period?
because it would make sense for it not to, as its a turning point in the poem, but it really sticks out and it bothers me a bit.
otherwise i really think this is a masterpeice!
keep up the amazing writing pal
i look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
best!
>Ash
Thanks for sharing this beautifully written poem which describes how a girl went from happiness to utter despair and how nobody could understand why. It is a very sad phenomenon that we can be isolated that way even though we might be surrounded by people. The truth is that nobody can live or feel the things we are feeling. That leads to an inability to understand. We might judge others as being peevishly insensitive. Yet if we could only see clearly, we would realize that the anguish is indeed justified.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
wow o_O I love this
The sorrow from this poem is, in a way, lovely. Not that the poems message itself, about a young girl who lost her joy, is good, or in any way a positive thing. But, the fact that, people reading this, and feeling the same way will know that they are not alone. That alone is a wonderful thing. the poem has this quality to it, its a decently long read, but every verse has its own beauty, and adds something to the overlying story. The entire poem focuses on this girl, this girl who lost something, and because of this focus it encourages the reader to continue reading. It almost seems like a journal entry rather than an outright poem. its truly beautiful in its own right, and the writer is amazing.