Can we please run away?
Second star to the right.
Far off to neverland we’d go.
We could be kids forever,
Just you and I.
No more heartache,
No more pain.
Just two young kids,
Playing endless games.
We would laugh and sing,
With the salty sea breeze.
From sunup to sundown
Without a care in the world,
No reasons for us to frown.
Let us go so far away,
With a tumble and a slide.
Down the rabbit hole,
Of to wonderland we go.
No more stress,
No more worries.
Just two happy friends,
Dancing in the breeze.
We could dance and sway.
While the Cheshire cat sings,
Or visit with the hatter for a small cupa tea.
We would chase the white rabbit,
Across the blazing horizon.
Without a care in the world.
No worries on our minds.
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Hello! I hope you're having a great day so far!
I really loved the parallels you draw between Neverland and Wonderland. By having the narrator implore their friend to run away with them to two classic fictional worlds, both commonly associated with childlike wonder and escapism, the reader too begins to note the similarities.
You communicate the want for simpler times wonderfully throughout. Your allusion here:
Is particularly interesting. I like that, instead of chasing the rabbit down the rabbit hole, you're instead referenced the "blazing horizon." I don't know if this was a conscious choice, but I like that it conjures up the image of a watercolor sky, rather than a claustrophobic burrow. It better suits the central theme.
I did feel as though the switch from Neverland being the object of the poem to Wonderland was quite sudden. The way the poem is formatted, there is nothing to divide the two separate ideas.
If you think about prose, a new paragraph begins when the topic of discussion changes. Though the two play by an entirely different ruleset, maybe you could try implementing a similar idea into your poem? By having "Neverland" and "Wonderland" be in two separate stanza's, the shift may feel a bit less sudden.
Of course, it is entirely up to you! I really enjoyed your poem, it was both whimsical and surreal. I hope to read more like it soon! Keep on writing, and have a great day!
Hi there! Hope you are having a good day!
1) I love the concept of the poem a lot and the urge to free oneself from the bounds of everyday life is very boldly expressed. wow!
2) The rhyme scheme is wonderfully consistent throughout and its just like a song to the ears.
3) References to the wonderland adds a really good feel to the poem and makes it a fun read.
4) Personally I would have loved to see what more you and your friend in the poem would have done after escaping to wonderland and what you would explore there. So if you could add some stuff on that, it would be more fun
However the poem is beautifully presented and has such a pretty feel to it. Keep up the good work