Margaret
Today, fate finally decided to let in on me. Today I found a friend. I was sitting at my lunch table, when out of the blue, another girl invited me to her table. She was the only one there, so we struck up conversation immediately. Her name was Helen. Turns out, we have a lot in common. We both put a lot of effort into schoolwork and we love dogs. She has three border collies named Bones, Missy, and Sasha.
A few days later, we started to hang out together after school. Whenever I show her my test score, she gives me a high-five, not a jeering. Sometimes I see Genevieve in the halls with her friend, Alison. I watch how she looks at me out of the corner of her eyes before Helen starts making jokes about something or another and I have to laugh. For the first time in awhile, I feel comfortable.
Friends come and go, but every once and awhile, you find something that sticks.
Genevieve
It seems as though Margaret has found a new friend. I shouldn't care at all, but somewhere deep down, her new friendship hurts. It pains me to see how easily I can be replaced. If Grandfather was here, then he would probably tell me something to bring my spirits up or simply a piece of good advice. The thing is, he's not here with me. He'll never be again.
The next day, I talked to Alison. I told her that this bestie thing wasn't working out. At first she was shocked, her red lips shaping into a perfect O, but I didn't see why she was surprised. We had never really been friends-- it was all just pretend. A plastic friendship. A plastic smile. Now I don't have a best friend, but strangely, losing her made me feel less empty in a way.
I'm not completely happy. I don't think I'll ever be, but I can settle of being okay.
I'm just okay.
End of chapter
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
This is certainly an improvement. But I can't help but feel that it's a little clipped.
Don't get me wrong, the words you use are powerful for their shortness. But if you took a bit more time to put the expressions on the characters' faces, that'd be great. Mainly, I wanted to see Alison's reaction. Did she say anything? Was there any distinguishing feature that would've stuck out to Genevieve?
As for the plot, I enjoyed Genevieve's more than Margaret. Genevieve deals with the genuine disillusionment of loss, while Margaret simply goes on the up-and-up. I particularly disliked this sentence:
That isn't the point of how society works. In fact, that's barely how society works at all. Being smart and hardworking gets people to so many places that the negative connotation of "nerd" feels empty. Besides, similarities aren't the sole compatible factor in making friends. It all comes down to how they interact, rather than their individual traits.
But as I've said, you've got some powerful, meaningful statements here. Like these:
Perfectly subtle.
Beautifully insightful.
Overall, while this story is still a bit hindered by a few perspectives, it's compellingly empathetic and eloquently written, with some excellent and distinguishable literary voice. There could be a bit more here, but that's a stylistic choice, so ultimately, everything here is your call. Cheers!
-Chaser
Thanks for the helpful review! I'll make those changes.
Hey, hey!
I didn't read the other stories, so I will review what I know. I have not spotted any mistakes, and this was a very well-written piece. I liked this story very much. Is it like a diary, or something? To me, this feels like a diary from the perspectives of Margaret and Genevieve. I honestly cannot spot any mistakes. That is good. Keep it like that.
You did a good job. I will read the Part 1.
@fantasydragon01.
Thanks for the review!
You're welcome