z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Life of a Smartphone

by acm


Every phone in the store was grouped in that one aisle, which was good. Phones get lonely when their only company is some bulky computers and noisy televisions. Fortunately, though, every smartphone in the store had a charging station in the same part of the electronics section of the store, and all of them spoke quietly between themselves.

"Honestly, if you don't have a protective case, then you should consider yourself dead. Screen cracked, buttons stuck," said a rosy pink phone, studying the cases off at the door of the shop.

"Why should they buy one? It won't fit the next new and updated phone," said a small, thick phone at the very corner of the aisle. "Pretty soon that phone will be replaced, case or no."

"Ha!" said the silver, sleek iPhone. "There will never be anything better than me."

The thick phone sighed. "You don't understand. None of you do. You know how it feels to be the best thing out there. New and improved. Slim and beautiful. The center of attention. Then, boom. A new release, and it all changes."

"Well, sometimes advancing is a good idea," said the normally quiet phone from across the aisle.

"Oh, what do you know?" asked the iPhone tersely.

"Hey, hey," the rosy pink phone said. "Let's not go through this Apple vs Windows debate again. We have bigger things to worry about. Like how the store is going to open any second now."

The phones fell into a hushed silence, and as if on cue, the big glass doors opened and people streamed in.

The iPhone switched his home screen on and proudly displayed the background of his choice. "They're coming over here to see me," he whispered.

The rosy pink phone shushed him.

"Ooh, Mom! Can I have that one?" a short girl asked, running her hands over the iPhone's surface.

"Let's see the price, my dearest," her mother said.

The quiet phone whispered to the rosy pink one, "I really hate how the little kids get the most expensive phones. They crack the screens within a day."

"Cracked screens, buttons stuck," the rosy pink phone muttered, looking at the daughter being pulled out of her store by the mother who had just realized the cost of an iPhone.

Ben, the friendly store worker, passed by the phone aisle with a group of people, saying, "And here we have the newest and best phones. Would you like to take a look?"

"Newest and best phones!" The iPhone laughed, as he turned to the small, thick phone to gloat.

Except... the small thick phone was gone.

"Looks like he's been bought," said the rosy pink phone, hiding a smile.

"Wh-what? Before me?" spluttered the iPhone. The small thick phone was gone.

Suddenly, though, he spied his inferior version phone in the hands of a tall man in a suit.

Sayonara, suckers! the small, thick phone mouthed, as he exited the shop in the hands of his new owner.

"Gone without a case. I'll wager it'll be a week before he comes back for repair with a cracked screen," said the rosy pink phone.

"Ha," replied the iPhone, his smile returning. "I'll bet it'll take no more that five days!"

"You're on."


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 8

Donate
Fri Sep 30, 2016 5:30 pm
JustinTheAuthor wrote a review...



This is hilarious, (which I hope is okay). I loved every bit of it and I feel like this explains the lives of about everyone that has or wants a phone. I spend almost all day on my phone and I think this totally relates to my life. I think it is very interesting that the iPhone seems to have a mind of its own, which is a great example of personification, kudos to you, and I love that it uses everything as an excuse for a competition. I think it is great that all the phones think that being bought can be used for a competition and how the phones gloat to each other when they are bought. This may have been the funniest thing I have ever read. Thank you.




User avatar
99 Reviews


Points: 603
Reviews: 99

Donate
Sat Sep 24, 2016 11:53 pm
Remington38 says...



I am so sorry the site was being funny for me and sent reveiw out four times.




User avatar
99 Reviews


Points: 603
Reviews: 99

Donate

User avatar
802 Reviews


Points: 18884
Reviews: 802

Donate
Sat Sep 24, 2016 11:52 pm
View Likes
Dracula wrote a review...



Hey there, acm, and Happy Review Day! Though this was a very short piece, I found it to be a very enjoyable read. I even found it a little relatable. Is it weird that I can relate to phones? Probably, but oh well. I think it's relatable because you've taken the general public's ideas about phones and crammed them all into this story, so it's easy for the reader to understand and laugh along with. Most of the time I was reading, the story had a nice flow to it. Just some of the transitions between dialogue need work; I think it's because of the massive dialogue tags. This can't be avoided since the phones don't have 'names' and you have to say their model and colour. Perhaps try giving them nicknames or something like that so that the dialogue flows better. Otherwise, I loved this! Thanks for sharing. :)




acm says...


Thank you! I'll work on that.



User avatar
99 Reviews


Points: 603
Reviews: 99

Donate
Sat Sep 24, 2016 11:52 pm
Remington38 says...



Hello Remington38 here :) nice to meet you.

So I thought this was a really great idea. It was a fun and light read that I could sit down and enjoy. I agree with tigeraye that this could've had more details. I feel like this is the great layout and start of a story, but this is almost like the skeleton of the story and now I would love for the guts. If that makes sense; the inner and most informant part of the story. I would love to see more of this and for you to go further. Overall I really liked this and it's such a funny idea. Keep on writing you are a very creative and gifted writer.




acm says...


Thank you!



User avatar
99 Reviews


Points: 603
Reviews: 99

Donate

User avatar
325 Reviews


Points: 689
Reviews: 325

Donate
Sat Sep 24, 2016 11:17 pm
tigeraye wrote a review...



Hi, acm, good to see you around again :)

I'm not sure which story was a cooler idea, the one where the main character was a spider or this one, where the main characters are cell phones. And I loved this!! It's a quirky, amusing, fun and entertaining story with a unique premise. It held my attention the whole entire time. I love the minor details that go into this, too. Like the mother pulling her daughter out of the store when she saw the price of the iPhone -- a bit odd they didn't hear anything, I doubt that scene would go down silently, but amusing all the same.

Most of the issues I think are minor things. For the first part, you had me scratching my head, because I don't know how these new phones would care or know about people cracking their screens. Because in the life of the phone, it doesn't seem like they would be around other phones very often to know this, unless they were broken themselves. You explain it later on that they see the cracked screen phones being brought into the store, but by then the story is over. It's a minor thing, but I do wish you incorporated that info in the dialogue earlier, it's something that takes a reader out of the story.

It wasn't the most descriptive story, but it doesn't need to be. I thought this was overall really charming. I'll remember this one, thanks for sharing.




acm says...


Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.




Life’s disappointments are harder to take if you don’t know any swear words.
— Bill Watterson