Barbie Dolls

Hello.

Before anyone gets on a bandwagon and starts hammering me for being insensitive, I will agree that the idea of perfect body image, especially when it comes to impressionable children, is an issue. If I had it my way, more would be done against it. That said, this is a place for sharing and critiquing writing, and that's what I'm going to focus on.

My worry is that your piece relied on shock value, and the over-used surprise of children obsessing over makeup, and bodies, etc etc etc. I'm struggling to see anything that's actually of substance. Of course, the premise of children worrying about body image is disturbing, and I wonder if that's what most of your viewers are actually applauding - the reuse of such a dire topic.

As a piece of writing, I don't want to say this is hamfisted, but I don't think it quite lends itself for reasonable discussion. The beauty of writing is that there are thousands of ways you can make a point, tell a story, present an idea, make your audience feel - but this is going for the easy option.
"Many people looked down at her and saw a dress up toy." This is a starting point, not actually of any substance. Equally "Unappealing, but worth it to look just like her" is a starting point. Here you have a character telling us your aims, and as a result? It's simply not believable. Show us. Don't tell us.

I don't like to see people fall into the trap of using edgy topics to impress people in their writing, because that's not what writing is all about. If anyone felt emotion to this piece, it's not because it sounded like it came from your heart; it sounded like the sort of situation you'd read about in the newspaper.

That said, I don't want to discourage you from writing, because you obviously have some talent, and it can be developed way further - I assume you're quite young at this point and have a lot to learn. That's ok! You'll have a blast learning it all! I'm not a god at writing, not at all, but I feel it's important to share some knowledge, some opinion, and some advice. You're very capable. Don't fall into the trap of choosing topics just to shock and get people to agree with you.

Thankyou for the read! Entertaining nonetheless!
-Kieren

This work really expresses the feelings of the young girls and women to fit into this model the society had made us accept.Every little girl can be asking herself the same questions you had put into this work.Good job really.You punctuation is on point which is making the work look even better after all.I think everything is okey and the emotions and thoughts put into this work are the most important and needs the attention the most.Being perfect is something all of us had thought of even if we all know that this is impossible and these barbie dolls are fakes,and we can never be them.
Really relatable and beautiful even though so sad because you are talking about the facts we all know - No person is perfect.
The last line
"At least not yet." is maybe my favourite because some of us say this to ourselves but in the end we are never 'good enough'.

Hiii
I wanted to start off by saying you did an amazing job while tackling such an important issue. I really like it when you mention the corsets in light of the new trend of wearing waist trainers. it sounds so absurd when you read it like this but it is what so many young girls do as they see pictures of celebrities in magazines. People will go to extreme lengths to fit the norm, this story is what I would call "pushing boundaries".
You should revise for clarity and their are some things that can be inferred so you don't have to explicitly say it, like the sentence "All this to look like my favorite doll". But that's just my thoughts.
Honestly such an impactful piece. Please keep on writing about issues like these ones, your stories can really make a difference.

Rebecca

I really like this a lot. This is a great (and an important) premise for a story. By the end of it I actually worry for the narrator. What lengths is she willing to go to to achieve perfection? How did she get this way? It's actually kinda dark. I don't really have any criticism. Maybe just editing down and Re-wording some things in the second to last paragraph to help it flow a little bit better. Other than that, nearly perfect. Kudos on this! Can't wait to see what you post next!

- Sofie

Hi!
I think it is a really well presented and I like the use of short sentences at the end to keep the reader in suspense. I really like how you have used an every day item(the Barbie Doll) and make it into a whole story!
I really like how you have addressed a world wide issue(Self-Conscious) and have linked it to a Barbie Doll. It is sad but very true, this is an issue that many people face everyday.
All in all it was an amazing story!
Please keep writing! I really enjoyed reading it!

Salutations friend.

In reading this I am actually assaulted with a wide array of emotions. To begin with, this is really well written, and the ideas presented in it make it seem a lot longer than it actually is. Not a lot of people really think about how girls view their own bodies in response to the dolls body. Barbie dolls have the seemingly 'perfect' proportions and body shape; and very few people are naturally shaped like that. The doll seems perfect. And then we look at our own bodies, without the perfect curves and just-right hair of the doll. Our skin is that of all humans, prone to acne and pimples, to 'blemishes' and 'faults'.

This story is a little depressing; when the makers produce the Barbie doll, they see it as the perfect toy. Pretty, good-looking, fun, and great for all ages. When we look at the doll, we see it as the person we will never be; overly pretty, perfectly shaped with all the right curves, hair that always looks good (except for when it gets totally tangled and you can never brush it right again...), perfect skin, and just the right makeup. And even though a lot of people see it for what it is- a good toy that is fun and has tons of little miniature accessories- a lot of people see it as everything they are not.

All in all, you did a great job with this work. I find it very impressive, and I look forward to reading more of your writing.

Keep on Writing

Greetings,

I want to applaud you for addressing an issue that has been plaguing the modern world. The idea that a person's self worth has been placed on something that is pretty much impossible to actually achieve. The problem is that people create this idea of what beauty is instead of seeing the beauty in people as they are.

But to the review. I believe that this story strikes a very sharp chord and the fact that it is very short and to the point only emphasizes that. Calling the Barbie and "obsession" is a creative way of describing what it has become.

The only issue I found was with your wording on the amount of creams and lotions that the main character had to go through in order to find one that worked. "I had to go through quite the many products..." It just doesn't flow really well. Just an observation.

Thank you for sharing this story with us. I found this to be a very real problem today and a woman's self-image.

Happy Writing!

This is a short review for you, from me
I find this short story very sad, yet so very true for so many girls. This story represents how bad of an impression this 'toy' leaves on young girls, and how much society pushes this image of 'perfect' towards women. I personally know how hard it is to strive away from what the media tells you to do and say, and how to look. I'm still trying to strive away from it all. I'm pretty sure most women (and some men) feel the pressure also.

Anyways, this is a very well written piece and I'm glad you shared it, and I hope to read more of your work.
*Keep Writing*- HavenBuzz