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The Forgotten Kingdom Of Ora - Chapter 5

by Zeno


The story so far...

Ora was the kingdom of magic, with magicians and sorcerers among its ranks. The kingdom of Ora had been in constant battle with the kingdom of Alei, the kingdom where all the mythical beasts lived.

Elsa was the daughter of Erit, the chief commander of the kingdom of Ora. She was hunting in a forest and came across a mysterious structure made of cobblestone. As she touched it, she got teleported into a scary and uninviting dungeon. She was trying to find a way out.

In the meantime, a young sorcerer - about the same age as Elsa - appeared within the kingdom. He was tasked to find Elsa and take her back to the realm of the sorcerers.

Elsa could feel her feet getting tired. She was walking heedlessly in the dungeon for a very long time. Despite her fatigue, she pushed on, determined to find a way out. With no other options in sight, she pressed forward, her weary legs carrying her deeper into the unknown.

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. Elsa's legs buckled beneath her as she collapsed against the cold stonewall of the dungeon. She was spent, her body aching and her breath coming in ragged gasps. She took a moment to rest and catch her breath, marveling at how the simple act of walking could be so exhausting even for a girl as strong as her.

Flickering lights from the torches, a maze-like dungeon, and constant growling sounds, what more could you ask?

“Wait, growling sounds!”

Maybe it was when she was resting that she managed to calm herself down, as she came up with a somewhat viable plan to get out of this terrifying place.

“I just have to follow the growling sounds!” she exclaimed. That growling sound might lead her somewhere. It might be the way out, or it might be her worst nightmare. Either one was better than walking hopelessly down this never-ending cobblestone path though.

With the new intention in mind, she started walking again. She listened attentively to the sound to identify the direction to its source.

She carefully navigated her way through the maze-like dungeon, her heart racing as the growling sounds grew louder and louder. Her bow being at the ready, she crept through the twisting corridors, hoping to find the source. She knew that whatever was making the growling sounds could be lurking around at any corner. Her adrenaline pumping, she pushed forward, determined to escape the dungeon and uncover the truth behind her mysterious arrival in this unknown place.

“Sounds at 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock, 12 o’clock…” Elsa murmured as she carefully made a left turn. The growls grew louder and more distinct with each step, filling her with a mix of excitement and apprehension. As she reached the end of the cobblestone path, her heart skipped a beat as she laid eyes on the beast looming before her.

She couldn’t quite make up what the beast was, as it was curled up like a ball, asleep. There wasn't anything else down that cobblestone path apart from that beast, so she thought all of her efforts had gone to waste; there wasn’t a way out after all. Just as she was about to leave and look for an alternative path, she noticed movements. The creature unfurled itself and stood up. Finally, Elsa could see the creature as a whole - it was a wolf, a wolf with the size of an elephant.

The wolf, with its fur as black as the night sky and razor-sharp teeth, locked its piercing yellow eyes onto Elsa, sending a shiver of fear down her spine. The wolf's mouth hung open, saliva dripping from its jaws as it let out a low growl, its starvation all too apparent. Without warning, the beast charged towards Elsa, leaving her with no choice but to defend herself.

Elsa immediately reached for the bowstring. She pulled and released the bowstring in a swift maneuver. An arrow was sent flying across the pathway with maximum momentum.

“Swoosh!” And… missed.

Elsa had a lot of skills and bravery, but she was missing one thing: experience. Elsa was stunned and shocked as she looked at the arrow perfectly flying past the wolf, while the wolf charged at her at sonic speed.

The wolf showed no signs of stopping. Realizing that she was not prepared for this, Elsa ran with great terror on her nerves. Of course, the wolf continued chasing Elsa down the cobblestone path. Elsa tried to run in a zig-zag manner to hopefully slow the wolf down, but it was in vain. Closer and closer the wolf got to Elsa.

Elsa turned her head around and realized that the beast was about a 100 steps away from her. At that moment, she knew that she couldn’t outrun the beast; she had to face the beast or die trying, probably die trying. She turned around and pulled her bowstring and she released the arrow immediately. The arrow raced to the wolf, and this time, it found its mark, striking the wolf with deadly precision! There was a glimpse of excitement and spirit on Elsa’s face as the arrow hit the wolf straight in its chest.

However, the hope of defeating the beast was short-lived. As the arrow hit the wolf, the arrow broke into parts, and the wolf had no signs of injury; the armor of the wolf was too thick.

The tragedy didn’t end here. As Elsa turned around, she trampled on her own foot and fell to the ground. All of her momentum of running was diminished and the beast got to her. Elsa was paralyzed as she saw the ferocious wolf directly on top of her. She was about to die.

Out of nowhere, she felt a sudden rush of energy and anger. She pulled on the bowstring once again, this time with even more power. She aimed at the eyes of the wolf - which was her last shot of ever defeating it - and released the arrow. The arrow flew, and pierced through the eyeballs of the wolf! The wolf gave a loud scream of pain as its deadly paws dived into Elsa. Elsa rolled over and successfully dodged the attack of the beast.

She quickly got onto her feet and aimed at the other eye of the wolf. As the wolf was still suffering in pain, she released another arrow. It yelled even louder as its other eyeball was struck. Taking the advantage of the wolf opening its mouth wide and big while screaming, Elsa aimed at the beast’s throat and fired yet another enchanted arrow. The arrow went straight through its mouth and a suspense of silence followed. Finally, the beast fell to the ground and stopped moving.

The wolf was dead.

Elsa felt a sense of relief. She could feel her heart pumping at a remarkable rate. She tried to calm herself down as she had never been in such an intense situation before. She took many deep breaths while inspecting the dead beast, pondering on why there was a wolf this big in the first place.

“This must be a creature from Alei” she thought, as Alei had a lot of mythical creatures, and this wolf certainly counted as one.

Curious about it, Elsa decided to revisit the part of the dungeon where she encountered this creature. When she arrived, she saw something - a cube identical to the one she found in the forest.

“This might be my way out!” She exclaimed. Without hesitation, she rushed towards the cube and touched it, hoping that it would take her back. Indeed, after a while, she felt dizzy and tired, the exact same feeling she felt as she touched the cube in the forest.

When she regained her consciousness, she found herself back in the forest. It was night time already. A breeze of wind blew on her as she got up. She was relieved that she could finally make her way back home.

She scanned her environment, and she was shocked. This wasn’t the forest she came from!


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Sun Jan 29, 2023 8:31 pm
foxmaster wrote a review...



Hey there just leaving another review.
"Elsa could feel her feet getting tired. She was walking heedlessly in the dungeon for a very long time. Despite her fatigue, she pushed on, determined to find a way out. With no other options in sight, she pressed forward, her weary legs carrying her deeper into the unknown.

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. Elsa's legs buckled beneath her as she collapsed against the cold stonewall of the dungeon. She was spent, her body aching and her breath coming in ragged gasps. She took a moment to rest and catch her breath, marveling at how the simple act of walking could be so exhausting even for a girl as strong as her."
Oh so now we're back in the dungeon- I'm glad to see that Elsa seems to be OK for now, except for being deeply tired. You describe her tiredness very well- I can completely imagine what it must be like for her.
"'I just have to follow the growling sounds!' she exclaimed. That growling sound might lead her somewhere. It might be the way out, or it might be her worst nightmare. Either one was better than walking hopelessly down this never-ending cobblestone path though.

With the new intention in mind, she started walking again. She listened attentively to the sound to identify the direction to its source."
So she's following the growling sounds. I would have not, but Elsa seems quite fearless. The sounds sound very suspicious- why would someone keep something so dangerous down there? I feel like it is the sorcerers... who else?
"The wolf, with its fur as black as the night sky and razor-sharp teeth, locked its piercing yellow eyes onto Elsa, sending a shiver of fear down her spine. The wolf's mouth hung open, saliva dripping from its jaws as it let out a low growl, its starvation all too apparent. Without warning, the beast charged towards Elsa, leaving her with no choice but to defend herself.

Elsa immediately reached for the bowstring. She pulled and released the bowstring in a swift maneuver. An arrow was sent flying across the pathway with maximum momentum.

“Swoosh!” And… missed."
Very good description of the beast. I can feel myself hoping for Elsa to win against the giant wolf. But... why would a wolf be in a dungeon?
"Out of nowhere, she felt a sudden rush of energy and anger. She pulled on the bowstring once again, this time with even more power. She aimed at the eyes of the wolf - which was her last shot of ever defeating it - and released the arrow. The arrow flew, and pierced through the eyeballs of the wolf! The wolf gave a loud scream of pain as its deadly paws dived into Elsa. Elsa rolled over and successfully dodged the attack of the beast."
ohhh you describe the battle very well, I feel like I would be there. It seems slightly rushed, but who am I to decide?
"Indeed, after a while, she felt dizzy and tired, the exact same feeling she felt as she touched the cube in the forest.

When she regained her consciousness, she found herself back in the forest. It was night time already. A breeze of wind blew on her as she got up. She was relieved that she could finally make her way back home.

She scanned her environment, and she was shocked. This wasn’t the forest she came from!"
Oh that last part is very mysterious. It seems like the cubes are some sort of traveling device- an uncomfortable traveling device.
OVERALL: good job on this part of your story. I liked it a lot
-foxmaster




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Sun Jan 29, 2023 3:35 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy this was a fun continuation again. We get back onto Elsa and how she's handling this dungeon. For the most part it was pretty well done and I love that we have yet another dangerous cliffhanger for us to be ending on there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Elsa could feel her feet getting tired. She was walking heedlessly in the dungeon for a very long time. Despite her fatigue, she pushed on, determined to find a way out. With no other options in sight, she pressed forward, her weary legs carrying her deeper into the unknown.

Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. Elsa's legs buckled beneath her as she collapsed against the cold stonewall of the dungeon. She was spent, her body aching and her breath coming in ragged gasps. She took a moment to rest and catch her breath, marveling at how the simple act of walking could be so exhausting even for a girl as strong as her.


Well that's an interesting note to start off on. With where we left off the other day I really wasn't expecting that walking of all things was going to be the great roadblock that ends up making things difficult. Its a good little subversion, so well let's see where this takes us.

Flickering lights from the torches, a maze-like dungeon, and constant growling sounds, what more could you ask?

“Wait, growling sounds!”

Maybe it was when she was resting that she managed to calm herself down, as she came up with a somewhat viable plan to get out of this terrifying place.

“I just have to follow the growling sounds!” she exclaimed. That growling sound might lead her somewhere. It might be the way out, or it might be her worst nightmare. Either one was better than walking hopelessly down this never-ending cobblestone path though.


Growling sounds in a dark dungeon definitely don't see like they would actually end well for anyone but I suppose if you're stuck in a dark maze with no way out, that's at the very least some sign of life so running in that general direction would probably at least be better than collapsing from exhaustion in the middle of nowhere. Love how quickly Elsa evaluates that and makes the decision here.

With the new intention in mind, she started walking again. She listened attentively to the sound to identify the direction to its source.

She carefully navigated her way through the maze-like dungeon, her heart racing as the growling sounds grew louder and louder. Her bow being at the ready, she crept through the twisting corridors, hoping to find the source. She knew that whatever was making the growling sounds could be lurking around at any corner. Her adrenaline pumping, she pushed forward, determined to escape the dungeon and uncover the truth behind her mysterious arrival in this unknown place.


Okayy well this isn't too bad here although unfortunately, things are starting to get a bit repetitive now with this long dungeon crawl. With the way the tension was let out earlier with walking the same sort of anticipation is no longer quite there even though you are doing a solid job with these growls so far.

“Sounds at 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock, 12 o’clock…” Elsa murmured as she carefully made a left turn. The growls grew louder and more distinct with each step, filling her with a mix of excitement and apprehension. As she reached the end of the cobblestone path, her heart skipped a beat as she laid eyes on the beast looming before her.

She couldn’t quite make up what the beast was, as it was curled up like a ball, asleep. There wasn't anything else down that cobblestone path apart from that beast, so she thought all of her efforts had gone to waste; there wasn’t a way out after all. Just as she was about to leave and look for an alternative path, she noticed movements. The creature unfurled itself and stood up. Finally, Elsa could see the creature as a whole - it was a wolf, a wolf with the size of an elephant.


Hmm well that's a pretty good description to lead upto that one. Not quite the scariest thing to run into so it looks like Elsa won't have absolutely no chance, but rather she's going to end up having to face a tough opponent. Well I'm definitely excited to see how this goes. It looks like things are going to get very intriguing.

The wolf, with its fur as black as the night sky and razor-sharp teeth, locked its piercing yellow eyes onto Elsa, sending a shiver of fear down her spine. The wolf's mouth hung open, saliva dripping from its jaws as it let out a low growl, its starvation all too apparent. Without warning, the beast charged towards Elsa, leaving her with no choice but to defend herself.

Elsa immediately reached for the bowstring. She pulled and released the bowstring in a swift maneuver. An arrow was sent flying across the pathway with maximum momentum.


Okay a pretty solid description there. I think it sends a good report of what this wolf looks like and generally how terrifying this whole charging thing happened to be although the arrow description there is a bit off. Maximum momentum doesn't really fit into that kind of moment very well.

“Swoosh!” And… missed.

Elsa had a lot of skills and bravery, but she was missing one thing: experience. Elsa was stunned and shocked as she looked at the arrow perfectly flying past the wolf, while the wolf charged at her at sonic speed.

The wolf showed no signs of stopping. Realizing that she was not prepared for this, Elsa ran with great terror on her nerves. Of course, the wolf continued chasing Elsa down the cobblestone path. Elsa tried to run in a zig-zag manner to hopefully slow the wolf down, but it was in vain. Closer and closer the wolf got to Elsa.


Okay. Well that was unexpected given quite how much Elsa's ability was talked up. But I do like the idea here. Given Elsa's age, having her realize this fight might be a bit too much and running away trying to escape seems like the most realistic thing for her to do. Well let's see just how fast this wolf ends up being.

Elsa turned her head around and realized that the beast was about a 100 steps away from her. At that moment, she knew that she couldn’t outrun the beast; she had to face the beast or die trying, probably die trying. She turned around and pulled her bowstring and she released the arrow immediately. The arrow raced to the wolf, and this time, it found its mark, striking the wolf with deadly precision! There was a glimpse of excitement and spirit on Elsa’s face as the arrow hit the wolf straight in its chest.

However, the hope of defeating the beast was short-lived. As the arrow hit the wolf, the arrow broke into parts, and the wolf had no signs of injury; the armor of the wolf was too thick.


Hmm this is a fun mix here. I like the way you spread through us a tiny bit of hope and squash it there. Its very true to the kind of emotions Elsa is feeling in this moment and the way this fight is flowing and I think you've done a lovely job with this particular flow that you've settled on.

The tragedy didn’t end here. As Elsa turned around, she trampled on her own foot and fell to the ground. All of her momentum of running was diminished and the beast got to her. Elsa was paralyzed as she saw the ferocious wolf directly on top of her. She was about to die.

Out of nowhere, she felt a sudden rush of energy and anger. She pulled on the bowstring once again, this time with even more power. She aimed at the eyes of the wolf - which was her last shot of ever defeating it - and released the arrow. The arrow flew, and pierced through the eyeballs of the wolf! The wolf gave a loud scream of pain as its deadly paws dived into Elsa. Elsa rolled over and successfully dodged the attack of the beast.


Ohhh...well this was a little disappointing. I was hoping there was going to be a bit more of a proper struggle given how well paced the start of the fight was, but this one ends up sort of ruining all the tension built up from earlier. Suddenly Elsa goes from in a really bad place to just instantly winning. I can see that maybe you're trying to say something affected her in this moment to make this fight doable but even if it makes sense plotwise, as far as this fight go, that sudden turn around with no warning completely drains any tension that was built up there and the fight just doesn't feel nearly as good.

She quickly got onto her feet and aimed at the other eye of the wolf. As the wolf was still suffering in pain, she released another arrow. It yelled even louder as its other eyeball was struck. Taking the advantage of the wolf opening its mouth wide and big while screaming, Elsa aimed at the beast’s throat and fired yet another enchanted arrow. The arrow went straight through its mouth and a suspense of silence followed. Finally, the beast fell to the ground and stopped moving.

The wolf was dead.

Elsa felt a sense of relief. She could feel her heart pumping at a remarkable rate. She tried to calm herself down as she had never been in such an intense situation before. She took many deep breaths while inspecting the dead beast, pondering on why there was a wolf this big in the first place.


Well yeah now these emotions don't really feel earned. For a moment we were really starting to learn about Elsa and how she handles a tough situation like this and connecting with her, but then that ending completely breaks down everything that was developed upto that point. Hopefully we at the very least get a good explanation for that since it does look like there's some sort of backstory or plot reason Elsa was suddenly able to do that.

“This must be a creature from Alei” she thought, as Alei had a lot of mythical creatures, and this wolf certainly counted as one.

Curious about it, Elsa decided to revisit the part of the dungeon where she encountered this creature. When she arrived, she saw something - a cube identical to the one she found in the forest.

“This might be my way out!” She exclaimed. Without hesitation, she rushed towards the cube and touched it, hoping that it would take her back. Indeed, after a while, she felt dizzy and tired, the exact same feeling she felt as she touched the cube in the forest.

When she regained her consciousness, she found herself back in the forest. It was night time already. A breeze of wind blew on her as she got up. She was relieved that she could finally make her way back home.

She scanned her environment, and she was shocked. This wasn’t the forest she came from!


Ooooh well this is a lovely cliffhanger to end on here. As much as that experience was a little cheaper, I love this moment. Elsa finally finding a way out only to realize that she's definitely far from being out of danger. I suppose given that narrator statement from earlier, Elsa isn't getting back home for a long time if she even manages to get back at all.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think you've done a pretty solid job constructing the world of this dungeon and one of its dangers. It was a little easier to survive than everything that mentioned the dungeon before this point seemed to suggest so that's a bit disappointing at the moment but I'm still looking forward to seeing what this forest has to offer and perhaps an explanation of why Elsa was able to do that so easily.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate





People with writer's blocks should get together and build a castle.
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