Young Writers Society

Hello! I hope you are having a great day or night, and Happy Review Day!

Immediately, your introduction caught my attention. I liked how it granted us insight into Elsa's character. Not only showing us her skills, but also her personality! All in all, it was a very exciting opening.

From there, we get a good description of the setting. As a prior reviewer noted, watch out for present/past tense. I liked how you used more of the former here, as it's something you don't see too often, however, be careful to remain consistent.

I did feel that a lot of this chapter was telling, more than showing. I get the vibe that this chapter is here to set us up for the story to come, and I totally get that! Still, it can sometimes come off as a bit exposition-y, especially in the latter half.

You use a lot of great figurative language! I particularly liked-

The castle was so huge it would take a person months to go around it.

Hello, I'm lad to see that you commented on my book, and I am here to leave a review.
"A rabbit was running in the woods. Suddenly, "Swoosh!" The rabbit was hit by an arrow. It struggled for a few seconds, then stayed still, most probably dead."
That's a pretty good beginning, and nice description about what's happening here.
"She ran to his horse, which was tied to a tree."
That was not bad, but when I read it I thought, who's horse?
"She ran faster than any human can ever run."
That description seemed like the girl had magic or superpowers. It really made me think about what was going on here.
"It was 30 years ago, during a war, a brutal war on the ice. Erit was still a noble knight by then. During that time, the kingdom of Ora was fighting against the kingdom of Alei. The kingdom of Alei was blessed with all the mythical beasts you can think of: dragons, trolls, basilisks, etc. The ruler of Alei was intelligent and brave enough to tame these creatures and use them in wars. This was what makes Alei such a strong and dangerous kingdom. Other small kingdoms wouldn’t dare to cross Alei, except for the kingdom of Ora."
I like how much description you use there, to make it seem like the kingdom of Ora is really taking a risk there, fighting against the kingdom of Alei. However, it is a random change there to go from,
"'Dad, I had a catch! I had a catch!' The girl shouted with excitement. 'Oh, well done, Elsa!' Erit replied. Erit then took Elsa into his arms to hug her, just like how a father would do to his daughter."
to talking about the war.
"Elsa was a little girl, a charming, energetic, and fearless one. She had good relationships with her father. Erit taught Elsa how to be a warrior ever since her childhood. This was why Elsa’s combat skills were beyond the average for her age. Elsa knew how to shoot at the age of 5, how to wield a sword at the age of 7, how to fight with a spear at the age of 10, and now, how to hunt at the age of 13."
That seems impressive, how much Elsa can do. You make it noticeable that Elsa will probably be fighting in the war, and even possibly stop it.
Overall: good job. I liked it, although do be careful with your past tense, and present tense. I will be reading chapter two, whenever it comes out.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!! I see you're new so Welcome to YWS!! Hope you have a good time here!

First Impression: This is a pretty solid little start to a story here. I think you've gone and created a pretty interesting little world here and you've done a fairly solid job of actually introducing us to said world here. It seems like we've also got ourselves a pair of pretty good characters here too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

A rabbit was running in the woods. Suddenly, “swoosh!”. The rabbit was hit by an arrow. It struggled for a few seconds and then stayed still, most probably dead. A girl picked up the rabbit, taking it like a trophy, then she ran. She ran faster than any human can ever run. She ran to his horse, which was tied around a giant tree in the middle of the forest. The girl freed the horse and rode it so that it could take her back.

She went back to the castle. The castle was so huge it would take a person months to go around it. Nevertheless, she rushed through the entrance, carrying his rabbit, showing excitement on her face. The guards saw her, and let her pass while bowing to her. She ignored the guards because she cannot withstand the excitement inside her that she had her first successful hunt. She can’t wait to show this to his Dad, Erit, who was also the chief commander of the kingdom of Ora.

“Dad, I had a catch! I had a catch!” The girl shouted with excitement. “Oh, well done, Elsa!” Erit replied. Erit then took Elsa into his arms to hug her, just like how a father would do to his daughter.

It was 30 years ago, during a war, a brutal war on the ice. Erit was still a noble knight by then. During that time, the kingdom of Ora was fighting against the kingdom of Alei. The kingdom of Alei was blessed with all the mythical beasts you can think of: dragons, trolls, basilisks, etc. The ruler of Alei was intelligent and brave enough to tame these creatures and use them in wars. This was what makes Alei such a strong and dangerous kingdom. Other small kingdoms wouldn’t dare to cross Alei, except for the kingdom of Ora.

The kingdom of Ora was known as the kingdom of magic. Although Alei had dragons and trolls, Ora had sorcerers and magicians, making them also another powerful and dangerous kingdom. Throughout the centuries, it was the kingdom of Ora and the kingdom of Alei battling for the rightful ruler of the world.

During that war, Erit fought tough. He swung his enchanted sword against the fierce dragons coming his way, killing them one by one. However, despite how skilled he was at defeating the dragons, there were just too many of them. He soon got overwhelmed. The commander of Ora called for a retreat, and the army ran back. Erit being a loyal warrior - despite not wanting to admit defeat - did too.

This was just one fight of many. In some, the kingdom of Ora claimed victory, in others, they claimed defeat. Erit got promoted to chief commander in the exact same year he gave birth to Elsa.

Elsa was a little girl, a charming, energetic, and fearless one. She had good relationships with her father. Erit taught Elsa how to be a warrior ever since her childhood. This was why Elsa’s combat skills were beyond the average for her age. Elsa knew how to shoot at the age of 5, how to wield a sword at the age of 7, how to fight with a spear at the age of 10, and now, how to hunt at the age of 13.

Elsa was prepared for any obstacle that comes in her way. She was prepared to battle the kingdom of Alei, to claim her rightful place as a warrior of Ora, just like her father. However, she did not prepare for what was about to happen to her next.