deleted

Hey Yuriiko! You still continue to blow me away! What an amazing piece! Everything was in perfect balance! You seem to be a dictionary and a thesaurus in one. It had great emotion in it which made it a delight to read. The length of each line and stanza was good. Continue to write these and I'll continue top review them.

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter

Hi Yuriiko, Its me CaptianRandom,
I enjoyed this poem, it shows people how jealousy can occur when someone else has something that you want, that may not be what you were thinking but that's what i got from this poem. On another note, good length and not word blobs i liked how you spaced it out. I thought it was good for a poem.

-CaptianRandom

"Innocent smiles that seemed to
Brighten up his side
Seems like a weird line break, perhaps "Innocent smiles that seemed/ To brighten up his side?"

"Cheeks like fresh roses,
And wavy locks tickling it,"
I think you probably wanted to use the word "tickling" for its connotation, but the addition of "it" right after makes it sound abrupt, I suppose, like a slightly off rhythm.

"Sparkling teeth under"
Sparkling seems like maybe the wrong word. It connotes glittering more than the brightness of a smile, like something with a textured shine as opposed to the even sheen of white teeth.

"Jealousy started to flow under my skin"
I understand the wanting to mimic the ending line of the last stanza, but the changing of the tense kind of throws off the rhythm.

Well let's see. I totally SUCK at reviewing poems. But I really like this poem, because it's something I think we all can relate to in some way.

Sparkling teeth under