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139,650 Literary Works • 672,643 Reviews
Hey Yuri,
I really loved this poem. It flowed nicely, probably because of the rhyming scheme. I really liked the rhyming in this. But maybe change the word "adhere" to something different. Seems a bit too...proper. Maybe try using a softer word. I also liked the metaphor, because you were really talking about a friend, weren't you? It also spoke to me a lot about your strong friendship. It contained a powerful message that got out.
Well done! Best wishes!
RedLeaf
I liked this. It has an easily relatable meaning, and for me makes me think automatically of that same type of friend in my life, which is nice when reading poetry. (:
could be much stronger. Often it takes a few trys to come up with that perfect image, so I think a bit of revision would do this poem justice. For example, again with the first line, even just changing "at" to "into" would strengthen the phrase.There were only a few comments I had that might make it better, in my opinion. I think you should watch out for cliches, for example, the first line
A few lines are a bit awkward too, and not that it's forced rhyming, it's just awkward word placement... like in the line:
it doesn't seem to make much sense to me just because of the awkward word usage.
Other than those two specific comments, I really enjoyed this poem. It's very sweet, and the ending ties it together very well. :3
oh-oh.
thanks for that, fight! I'll edit that.
hey this was cool
my favourite lines
sorry i don't have time for a longer reveiw. lifes busy, you know?