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by Yuriiko

Published February 27, 2010

In Poetry

Comments & reviews · 3
RepublicOfCoter wrote a review Review · Jun 27, 2010

Hey Yuriiko!

I liked the idea of the poem but the poem itself was a bit shaky. If you tried to make it rhyme, I suggest you go over it one more time. Length wise, a bit long for my liking (that is to say I thought that each stanza grew in length, which I didn't like). Your choice of words was lovely but I found that some parts could do without some words. Example:

Telling there’s a special someone for me

I don't think you need to have for me. I thought that those two words ruined that last part for me :( .

Hope I wasn't too harsh on you but HAPPY REVIEWING DAY! :smt003

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter

User avatar
Howler
Review
Howler wrote a review Review · Feb 27, 2010

As soon the sun was setting high


That should be,
"As soon as the sun was setting high"

Apart from that little error, I can't see much of any other problems, so, great piece!

With this post, however, I mainly want to congratulate you! This piece was the 4000th topic in the Dramatic Poetry Forum! That's a one in one thousand chance of getting a (insert # here) Thousandth topic, so lucky you!

Oh, and have a lucky day!

User avatar
LookUpThere
Comment
LookUpThere commented Comment · Feb 27, 2010

Hey hey! Very nice...

Your poem was beautiful. A bit shaky in rythym sometimes but maybe you intended that. Welcome to YWS! *Liked*

In Ink and Electronic Code,
TheNewHero



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