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140,610 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Hey Yuriiko!
I liked the idea of the poem but the poem itself was a bit shaky. If you tried to make it rhyme, I suggest you go over it one more time. Length wise, a bit long for my liking (that is to say I thought that each stanza grew in length, which I didn't like). Your choice of words was lovely but I found that some parts could do without some words. Example:
I don't think you need to have for me. I thought that those two words ruined that last part for me
Hope I wasn't too harsh on you but HAPPY REVIEWING DAY!
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter
That should be,
"As soon as the sun was setting high"
Apart from that little error, I can't see much of any other problems, so, great piece!
With this post, however, I mainly want to congratulate you! This piece was the 4000th topic in the Dramatic Poetry Forum! That's a one in one thousand chance of getting a (insert # here) Thousandth topic, so lucky you!
Oh, and have a lucky day!
Hey hey! Very nice...
Your poem was beautiful. A bit shaky in rythym sometimes but maybe you intended that. Welcome to YWS! *Liked*
In Ink and Electronic Code,
TheNewHero