Chapter 3
The loud winding of an alarm clock made Travis ascend from sleep and sling himself out of bed, ignoring the dull pain in his ribs, he had almost forgotten about the fight with Jett Friday. Travis considered skipping school, but when his mind finally awoke he also remembered how mad he had made Courtney, now he had to spend the day making things rite, Travis made a silent vow to never drink again.
Travis spent close to thirty minutes in the shower letting the warm water run down his body and through his short hair, until he herd his alarm sound again informing him that it was 7:30, thirty minutes until school started. So in order to keep from getting yet another tardy he rushed out of the shower and jumped into his jeans, almost falling over in the process. When Travis finished getting dressed he grabbed his keys and phone from their place on his dresser and stuffed them into his pockets, he then skipped breakfast and exited the big house jumping down the front stairs two at a time, once in his small truck, he shoved the keys into the ignition threw the truck into reverse and gunned it.
Travis arrived at Camden High School with ten minutes to spare, just in time to catch Courtney before her 1stperiod class in English 4 started. Travis found Courtney at the breakfast table in the far left hand corner. Courtney had her Brown; blonde streaked hair curled causing it to fall just below her shoulders. The scene caused Travis to stand there soaking it in, seconds later she turned her head laughing and her bright blue eyes locked onto him. As soon as Travis slid onto the small seat next to her, the smile faded from her beautiful face.
“I’m sorry about Friday.” Travis said, doing his best to block out the sound of her friends who were obviously saying something.
“Why are you apologizing to me?” Courtney replied never taking her eyes off her friends.
“Hu?” Travis retorted, genuinely confused.
“I’m not the one who looked like a jackass.” Courtney stated flatly.
“Ok I deserved that, I just over reacted.”
“Yeah ide say so.”
“I can promise you I’m not drinking for a while.” Travis rarely drank anyway he knew Courtney hated it. Lane Courtney’s brother had talked him into it. Lane Taylor was about 5’8 and was a little on the heavy side, he also had small green eyes and bright blonde hair, and was known for talking Travis into things he regretted afterwards.
“That’s good, but I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Courtney said finally looking at Travis.
“And don’t talk to me until you do apologize to them.” Courtney finished standing moments after the bell, she never even looked back as she marched through the crowd of still sleeping class mates.
Travis had to wait in the hallway in front of Nash’s and Jett’s first period history class. When he spotted them Nash was laughing at something Jett had said.
“Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for over reacting, I should have handled things differently.” Travis Said through a sigh as the two of them came to a stop in the front of him.
“Yeah I bet, you know you’re just luck….”
“It’s ok man, I know what it looked like.” Jett said putting his hand up in front of Nash in an attempt to silence him.
“Hey, are you two coming to the senior bone fire down by the lake this Friday?” Travis asked trying to change the subject.
Jett seemed to roll it over in his mind for a second then replied. “I don’t really know yet.”
“Well you should come. There won’t be any alcohol there.” Travis said turning and walking towards his class.
Travis sat down next to Cassie A minuet or so after the bell rang. Luckily Mr. Smith was out getting the hundredth cup of coffee, the man always seemed to be leaking energy. Travis was happy none the less, he couldn’t afford another Tardy, or he would fall victim to yet another Saturday day session.
“So is Courtney still pissed?” Cassie asked leaning over to Travis.
“Yep.” Travis replied not even looking in Cassie’s direction.
“Well that’s messed up, I mean you did get your ass kicked, you would think she would show some mercy.” Cassie said with a small laugh.
“Yeah.” Travis returned annoyed, as Mr. Smith strolled into the class room and began his lecture.
you're wording is a bit weird here and there, and you have a few spelling errors but as far as the entirety of the story goes, you've written travis very well. that is if you were trying to make him a jack ass. you have a very interesting interesting plot and it definitely spells disaster. i'd be careful about your wording and spelling. maybe put some more details in a few things, such as develop some of your "not as important characters" ...other than that keep on writing.
Hello!
This Travis bloke seems like a right jerk! Like full on, he obviously got drunk and had a fight and maybe jnsulted his girlfriend in the process but by the end he is annoyed again? It is clearly his fault but hedoesnt seem very remorseful. That might have something to do with how he is being portrayed though. You dont give Travis much of a chance to show jusy how bad he feels. We dont get any physical indications to show us just how bad he feels about it.
We need some more description about body language and expression. You had some great stuff in the beginning but by the end we were getting almost nothing. Why not tell us how he rubbed his hand roughly over his face and how her mouth pursed and his friends elbowed each other? We need some of these actions to help us understand and agree with what is going on.
To be fair I havent read your other chapters but I suspect they are similar, dont be afraid to describe the environment your characters are in and how they might respind to things naturally. Also if the party happened the night before and he drank a lot he should be hungover and feeling it. That means groaning and hating the world lol.
I think you have an interesting story here and I hope you continue to enjoy writing it!
- Penguin.
Hiya. Rawrafied here to review your lovely segment. Warning, I have not read any of the previous ones, so ignore anything not applicable in relation to things previously addressed.
Run on sentence. Split at the first comma.The loud winding of an alarm clock made Travis ascend from sleep and sling himself out of bed, ignoring the dull pain in his ribs, he had almost forgotten about the fight with Jett Friday.
Another run-on sentence. Split at second and third comma. Also, should be 'right' instead of 'rite'.Travis considered skipping school, but when his mind finally awoke he also remembered how mad he had made Courtney, now he had to spend the day making things rite, Travis made a silent vow to never drink again.
Comma before 'letting' because the passage between the commas can be removed without disturbing the flow and logic of the sentence. Should be 'heard' instead of 'herd'. Split the sentence at the last comma.Travis spent close to thirty minutes in the shower letting the warm water run down his body and through his short hair, until he herd his alarm sound again informing him that it was 7:30, thirty minutes until school started.
Commas around 'in order to keep from getting yet another tardy' for the same reason listen above.So in order to keep from getting yet another tardy he rushed out of the shower and jumped into his jeans, almost falling over in the process.
Comma after 'When Travis finished getting dressed' because it's a preposition of more than three words. Also, holy mother of run-on sentences. xD Split at first comma and second comma. Put a comma after 'big house' because the following fragment is a dependent clause. Comma after 'ignition' and 'reverse' because this is a list.When Travis finished getting dressed he grabbed his keys and phone from their place on his dresser and stuffed them into his pockets, he then skipped breakfast and exited the big house jumping down the front stairs two at a time, once in his small truck, he shoved the keys into the ignition threw the truck into reverse and gunned it.
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