Jett Ross
When Jett pulled up on the huge unlit bone-fire, he noticed Travis’s small red truck immediately so he pulled in beside him and threw Courtney a concerned look and said.
“I hope you don’t get into too much trouble.”
Courtney just smiled her beautiful smile and stepped out of the car leaning the seat up for Cassie to exit.
Travis was inside his truck when Jett shut the door to his Camaro, he seemed to be looking for something in the cab of his truck. Once Travis found whatever he was looking for crawled out of the truck shutting and locking the doors behind him.
“How long have you been here?” Courtney asked Travis stepping in closer to him.
“About an hour. I thought Cassie was going to drive you.” Travis said throwing Jett a look of concern and jealousy.
“My car broke down in front of the grave yard.” Cassie said finally looking up from her phone.
“And you just so happened to stop by?” Travis asked motioning towards Jett with a large flashlight.
“No, actually I was there seeing my dead father. Today is his birthday.” Jett replied flatly.
Travis’s face quickly went from anger to sympathy as he said.
“Oh, I’m sorry. “
“It’s ok, it’s been a while.”
“Well, we have an hour before the fire is lit. Do you all want to see what I found?” Travis asked quickly changing the subject.
“Yeah sounds fun.” Nash replied appearing beside Cassie.
Cassie jumped a bit, then punched Nash, and said.
“Yeah sure let’s go.”
Jett followed the group into the woods, the whole way looking around for a sign of what Travis was talking about. After several minutes of walking in silence through the beautiful forest Courtney was the first to break the silence by saying.
“So what exactly are we looking for?”
“You’ll know it when you see it.” Travis replied excitedly never taking his eyes off the forest floor.
A minute later Jett came to a stop alongside the group in front of a creek that was close to six feet wide.
“You could have mentioned this before I enlisted on this adventure.” Courtney stated after a long moment.
“Well if you’re scared we can probably find a narrower crossing.” Travis said looking up and down the length of the creek before sending a smile back at Courtney.
“No that's Okay, I’m about done with this nature walk.” Cassie finished as she took several long steps backward, then she ran and barely cleared the water.
Nash and Travis were the next to jump, both landed easily on the opposing bank. Jett just took three long strides and jumped clear over the creek. When he landed Jett noticed that Travis and the others had continued walking, so Jett stopped and waited on Courtney to cross not caring if Travis got pissed or not.
Courtney jumped a moment later but her landing was sabotaged by the ground that fell away beneath her, without thinking or the slightest hesitation Jett bent and wrapped his arms around Courtney saving her from the cold depths of the murky water.
For a long moment Jett just stared into Courtney's eyes, admiring her beauty as their lips drew closer and closer together. Until finally he felt her arms enclose around his neck and her lips touching his own.
Jett slowly lowered her to the ground bringing his hand up to her cheek as they stood there kissing. The moment came to an end when Courtney released her hold on him and opened her eyes quickly stepping away.
“Wow. Thanks for the save.” Courtney said avoiding eye contact.
“Oh yeah, no problem.” Jett replied, the perfect moment they had just shared instantly taking on the bitter taste of awkwardness.
“We should probably catch up with everyone?” Courtney said rubbing her palms on her denim jeans.
“Yeah, your right.” Jett replied, as Courtney ran off in the direction of the group. Jett watched her disappear into the forest shaking his head. “What the hell was I thinking, I’m such an idiot.” he mumbled to himself before he too followed.
Jett caught up with the others pretty quick, but once there none of the others had even noticed Jett and Courtney's brief absence. The group was coming to a stop in front of a huge redwood arch that had three circles running down the right side of the arch. Enclosed in each circle were a variation of symbols and shapes.
“Well, it’s different.” Cassie released seconds later.
“These symbols weren’t here earlier.” Travis muttered as he placed his hand on the glossy redwood.
“What do you mean?” Jett asked stepping up next to Travis.
“Nothing, I probably just wasn’t paying any attention.” Travis said more to himself than anyone else.
“Damn!” Cassie cursed while patting her pockets.
“What is it?” Nash asked.
“I lost my phone.” Cassie returned, the search through her pockets finally coming to an end.
“Come on ill help you back track.” Nash said quickly searching the ground.
“Yeah that sounds like a good idea.” Cassie replied with a nod.
“Alright well I will see you all at the fire.” Nash finished as he took Cassie’s hand and turned back towards the parking area.
Just past the arch was a picture perfect cave; it spread close to three feet wide and six feet tall. Seconds later Jett followed Travis, ducking into the depths of the dark cave his eyes curiously following the beam of Travis's flashlight.
“Wow!” Jett exclaimed softly as the bright light reveled more of the weird symbols and even a few images painted on the smooth stone of the cave walls.
“Who do you think made these?” Courtney asked breaking the silence as she too watched on in awe.
“Indians, maybe.” Travis shrugged a minute later.
“I don’t think these were made by any Indians.” Jett said as his eyes fell on the biggest painting in the cave.
Stretching from roof to the ceiling where three characters depicted. The first image was of a standing on a hill overlooking a large valley. He was creating fire from nothing and shooting it from his hands.
The second image was of another man this one had lightning bolts erupting from his hands, and again like the fire in the picture before, the lightning seemed to appear out of nowhere.
In the third and final image was a woman kneeling over a wounded soldier a faint glow from one hand and in the other she clutched a bow, the hand discharging the light illuminated the faces of both her and the fallen warrior.
After running his fingers over the cold stone of each image Jett noticed an inscription over each one. Dux Luces was over the one with the man of fire. Dextera the lighting. And Vincula the woman.
“What could they all mean?” Courtney asked glancing at Travis and Jett both.
“Who knows, this might just be some graffiti.” Travis answered.
“I don’t think so, they really old.” Courtney replied.
“I wonder how many people know about this cave.” Jett thought aloud he too noticing the obvious age of the faded images.
“My guess would be, not very many.” Travis returned turning the light back to the path in front of him.
“Yeah your probably right this is private property, I doubt anyone comes out this far Jett said following Nash even deeper into the cave.
A few feet in front of the group the path looked to come to an end, but when they got a little closer he noticed that it took a sharp turn to the left. Jett, Travis, and Courtney followed the narrow path into a dead ended room.
And setting there in the center of the room was a stone pillar; in the middle of which rested a pulsing red bowling ball sized stone. As the group approached the stone it began to emit a soft crimson light that tore at the shadows lurking on the cave walls.
Jett, Travis, and Courtney all simultaneously reached out and touched the stone looked at each other, and spoke one word. “Divinus.”
When Jett looked closer the stone he noticed that within it seemed to be thousands of small red tadpole sized creatures glowing and pulsing as they swam around inside the large stone. Jett bent down and put his face near the stone, then as if on cue it exploded in a bright blinding red light that hurled the three of them unconscious to the hard stone floor.
End of chapter
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Hello, steampowered here with a review and to rescue this from the Green Room! I haven’t read the other chapters, but you specifically mentioned you wanted feedback on the romantic scene, so I’ll see what I can do.
Now, I don’t know if Jett and Courtney had anything going on before this chapter, but I’d say this is a little brief. I’d personally add some more detail to it – what are Jett’s emotions like, how does Courtney react, how do their bodies react? Does Jett’s heart start thumping loudly, much to his embarrassment? Does he feel a rush of adrenaline and fear that she’s going to reject him? Are they worried about the others’ reaction? Just a few thoughts to get you started. You could also describe the scene a little more; they’re kissing by a murky creek right after Courtney almost fell in. It’s not a typical place to have a kiss, so maybe you can play on that a bit.
Onto a few nitpicks:
Shouldn’t this be “bonfire”?
It should be “I’ll help you backtrack”.
“You’re” not “your”. “You’re” is short for “you are”.
Another thing I noticed was your speech tags. Check out Punctuation Within Dialogue which should show you why they aren’t quite correct.
Generally I found this interesting, even though I hadn’t read the previous chapters. Hopefully this review was of some use to you. Feel free to let me know if you ever need anything reviewed!
Keep writing!
-steampowered-
Hi Youngwriter724, Felistia here with the review you requested.
Warning: I am not the best at romantic stories, so I might not be of any use, but I will try my best.
First tip on making it more romantic: I think describing the forest in a romantic sense would help like (fire flies softly glowing in the moons milky light like the stars twinkling above.) That might help. When you mention her eyes you could compeer them to something like sapphires and maybe give Jett some more emotion like describe how his heart is feeling.
But for the most part I think you did a great job, better than I could have done. I am not good at all with romance, but I hope I helped at least a little.